


The Secrets Between Us

by Hippiebuckyharrington



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Arm maintenance, Blow Jobs, Canon Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Clint means well, Cuddling, I made up Wade's backstory, Identity Porn, Iron Dad, JARVIS is an excellent wingman, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Captain America: Civil War Compliant, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Oblivious Tony, PTSD, Peter is actually biologically Tony's, Peter was still raised by May and Ben, Smut, Texting, Tony gets hurt, Tony is hospitalized, Wade Wilson is a normal kid, Wade Wilson is also a teenager in this, bottom!tony, not avengers: age of ultron compliant, rimming (kinda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-06-26 13:35:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15664233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippiebuckyharrington/pseuds/Hippiebuckyharrington
Summary: Tony Stark is fine. Really, just peachy. Maybe a little lonely, and yeah, PTSD is a bitch but he's managing. But then Clint Barton signs him up for some help site that allows you to text people going through similar shit, and Captain America drags a hurting Bucky Barnes to the Tower. And everything changes. Tony starts to fall for the mysterious man he's been texting AND for the beautiful blue-eyed ex-assassin living in his home. Dealing with that, along with trying to deal with the two rather large secrets he's carrying, Tony Stark's life gets a lot more complicated, something he didn't really think was possible.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!!! It's my first winteriron fic!!! Yay!!!! This will have weekly updates, I hope. School starts back up in a week and I am a very easily distracted human so I will do my best. I will update tags when I post new updates, I don't want to give anything away. If you like what you read, or if you have questions please come give me a follow on Tumblr, I'm at hippiebuckydrarry. I also am looking for a new beta reader! So if you, or someone you know is interested, let me know! Thanks for reading!

Tony Stark would just like it known, before we start, that he is fine. Absolutely fine, thank you very much. Sure, there’s the whole PTSD issue, and he’s hella lonely. Him and Pepper didn’t work, he gets that they are better as friends, he does. But accepting that and wishing that he still had someone to hold at night, someone to tell his thoughts, just someone to be his person, are two very different things. And he’s frankly just kinda tired, ‘cause when he’s alone no one drags him out of the workshop for sleep, and no one reminds him to eat and drink. But he is perfectly, absolutely, 100% fine, thank you very much. There, now we can start.

It starts with a secret, one discovered when Tony walked onto Thor's floor and stumbled on something those involved really would have preferred he didn't. This is back when Tony isn’t keeping any particularly exciting secrets at all. Just a few, one being that Rhodey is going to propose to Carol, another being that Pepper is crushing on Happy, Happy is mooning over Pepper (he’s working on it, but Tony is a busy man. Give him a break.), and that two of the interns at Stark Industries have had sex in almost all of the offices except his and Pepper’s (he’s placed a bet among the other interns that they won't be able to check Pepper's off the list.) Really, these are very harmless and very boring secrets, he told Natasha and Clint over their frequent mimosas about the interns, they laughed about the bet for a few minutes and then Clint had started talking about Sam Wilson’s love life (which is always a much more interesting topic). He never sees Carol without Rhodey so how would he spill the beans, Pepper is too intimidating to ruin that, he is trying to help the best he can: running late on purpose so that her and Happy have an excuse to sit in the car and talk, refusing to talk in the car so they have to, things like that. And he hardly knows the names of said interns, he calls them Jack and Jill, though he isn’t sure of their genders either. He hardly thinks about these secrets, he’s too busy working on upgrades. Hydra is making life very hard, and dangerous, and Tony will be damned if he lets any of his team get cut down by a Hydra goon. So, he’s busy working on some armor for Cap, who seems to go haywire on every mission and gets hurt, Cap has some sort of personal vendetta against Hydra that no one has been able to find out, except for Tasha and she’s not telling. Tony’s been in the lab for two days or so and runs a simulation and prototype of the armor.   
While it runs, there is little for him to do and it's going to take like 12 hours, so he heads for Thor's apartment. Thor is gone, either visiting Jane or off planet, Tony isn’t sure which. He wants to check and see if the new mattress was delivered, it’s been custom made so that Thor, being as tall and broad as he is, can actually fit, with room for Jane as well. It is of course, nothing Thor has asked for, something Jane mentioned in passing when she was calling Tony about some tech in her lab back in July:  
“And you’re sure that if I just take out the hard drive, give it a few hours and then put it back, it should work?” Jane had said, in a way that made it clear she was glaring at the machinery apprehensively and that she was worrying her lip. Tony had sighed into the phone and switched it to his other shoulder, continuing to type about some stupid Stark Industries bullshit.   
“I’m the genius Jane. Yes, I’m sure. You coming to Clint’s Fourth of July barbecue?”   
“I might, I just hate Thor’s bed, he’s so big and takes up the whole damn bed so I hardly sleep. Thanks for your help Tony! See ya!” And then she had hung up. Tony had ordered the matress seconds later, and then gone back to work.  
He is currently scrolling through a tablet when he enters the apartment, so he misses the shirt thrown over the back of the chair, the two brandy glasses on the kitchen island, and the tumble of clothes in general leading to the bedroom. He stops when he smacks lightly into the closed bed room door, having expected it to be open, frowning, he goes to open it when he hears the moan. Tony freezes, and blinks in surprise for a second before he realizes what he's hearing. He flushes and starts to turn when he hears a female voice moan softly "Oh Thor." He has a spilt second to be glad its Thor (and not the interns) and wonders why Thor didn’t say hello to him and the others, when Thor responds. "Oh Steven." Tony's eyes must go comically wide at that, and he finds himself rooted to the spot, as the woman on the other side of the door squawks indignantly.   
"Steven?!" She shrieks, and there is the muffled sound of bodies scrambling off the bed.   
"Jane, please, it is not what it seems…" Thor tries.   
"Not what it seems?! It seems a whole lot like you are picturing Captain fucking America when I am going down on you! Is that why your eyes are always closed lately?!" Jane shrieks. Tony knows he should leave, quietly slip out and leave the quarreling couple, but can’t seem to get his feet to move. There’s a few beats of silence on the other side of the door.  
"it… it is not that." Thor says, softly. Jane releases a bitter laugh.   
"Or is it that you wish it was our dear Captain blowing you?" Jane snaps, sarcasm and anger dripping from each word. There is more silence, and then the angry sound of someone, likely Jane, grabbing a sheet from the bed. Then the door explodes open, and a very angry Jane bursts out, wrapped in an enormous navy blue sheet that trails on the ground behind her. It’s clutched in one hand around her chest, the hand holding it up so aggressively, that had she be super human, it would have torn to shreds. She completely ignores Tony, who scrambles out of her way, and starts grabbing up the clothes on the ground, which Tony finally notices. Thor sheepishly comes to the doorway, wearing nothing but Captain America boxers. Tony and Jane both stare, before Jane aggressively points her hand, clutching a bra, at her boyfriend.   
"You had better have an excellent explanation for the boxers, Thor." His name is said so aggressively that Tony winces.   
"Iron Man got them for the whole team!" Thor cries, pointing at Tony. Jane rounds on Tony, who flushes and nods sheepishly, pulling his tablet up to shield his face. Tony’s hopes of the couple not noticing him fly out the window.  
"Fine, I’ll give you that. But you have until I find my pants to attempt to talk your way out of this one or we are done!" She says, whirling to stalk into the living room. Thor opens and closes his mouth a few times and then races after her. Tony stays in the hallway but can still hear everything they are saying.   
"It is not what it seems Jane, please. You have to believe me, I just saw the good Captain before we came up here, he must have been on my mind." It's weak but Tony thinks it just might work.   
"You are a terrible liar, and I know for a fact that Rogers is in Brooklyn at his own apartment." Tony winces, it's true now that he thinks of it, Steve is not at the Tower. Its silent for a few minutes and then Jane sighs.   
"If this was the first time it’d happened I'd buy your stupid lie, maybe if it was the second time even, cause I fucking love you. But this is the fourth mother fucking time you’ve fucking said his name while in bed with me. Now if you can look at me and convince me that you don't feel anything above brotherhood for Captain fucking America then I will stay and talk about this." Its silent for far too long, enough that Tony's eyes have widened even further and he's got a hand on his mouth to try and stop blurting questions. Jane laughs then, loud and dry. "I fucking knew it, I knew it!! God, fuck you Thor. Have a nice fucking life." and with that the door to the stairwell slams. Tony shifts uncomfortably, and listens to Thor throw himself on the couch, as well as the sounds of Jane storming down the stairs, which is a feat given the stairs at the tower are lushly carpeted. Tony cringes, and walks out into the living room. Thor's head is in his hands, and his shoulders shake very slightly. Tony starts to sidle to the elevator when Thor's trembling voice stops him.   
"Please, please do not speak of this to anyone. I beg of you, do not go and tell… tell Rogers of this." Tony turns, and Thor is looking up at him with a wrecked expression in his blue eyes, still in just the boxers. Tony nods.   
"I wouldn't dream of it Point Break." and then he bolts for the elevator. 

 

Tony hides in the shop, throwing himself into his work so he doesn’t think too much about what he just witnessed, and so he doesn’t text Tasha and Clint to share the secret. He also puts the lab in black out mode, so that no one can tempt him to tell them what he's heard.   
"Sir, Thor is requesting access to the lab." JARVIS says hours later and Tony drops his wrench and smacks his head on the underside of a car in shock, (The lab is running as many upgrades and simulations as it can handle, which is a shocking amount, so Tony is working on the car, something he hardly does anymore.)  
"Ow fuck. Sure, let him in." Tony says, rolling out from under that car. Thor comes sheepishly into the lab, thankfully fully clothed, and perches on the couch. Tony walks over and sits next to him. Thor sighs and looks at Tony for a long moment before speaking.   
"I would like to discuss what happened earlier between Lady Jane and I, if I may?" Thor asks quietly. Tony raises a brow and nods.   
"On Asgard, things like sexuality are rarely talked about. For a prince having a preference for one gender or the other is hardly an issue, we do not view sexuality with labels as you Midgardians do, so if I bedded both men and women on Asgard it was not something that was discussed, or even noticed. But I understand that here on Midgard that is not the case. And especially in Steven… ah Captain Rogers’ case." Thor says softly. Tony chuckles softly. Thor shoots him an odd look and continues. "Captain Rogers possess the looks that I prefer when bedding a man, though I care more for character than I do for gender. I realized however that Captain Rogers is unlikely to have a taste for other men in his bed, so I did not pursue anything as I might have back in Asgard upon meeting him." Thor pauses again and shifts restlessly. "However, the more I have gotten to know Captain Rogers, the more I have grown to care for him. And I admit, I prefer men for my pleasure. I find them more able to satisfy my needs. And the Lady Jane spoke the truth when she said that I have said his name in intimate settings four times. She was right to leave me, as my heart lies with another likely unable to reciprocate my feelings." Thor says, and drops his head into his hands again. Tony blinks in shock at the confession, that had not been what he was expecting when Thor came down to talk.   
"I won’t tell him, if that is something that worries you. I swear to you, I won’t tell him." Tony says, blinking at Thor seriously. Thor looks up gratefully and nods. Tony smiles and lays a comforting hand on the gods shoulder.   
"Would you also not mention what happened between the Lady Jane and I? I wish to tell the other Avengers in time when I have had some time to grieve the termination of our relationship." Thor whispers.   
Tony smiles, giving the shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Sure thing, Point Break." Thor smiles back and they lapse into silence. Tony then asks if Thor has any ideas for upgrades to his armor and they spend another hour talking about the ways Tony can provide something beneficial to a god. 

After a month of knowing, Tony thinks things are back to normal. It's convenient that Steve is gone from the Tower, and that Thor has been hiding/sulking in his room, licking his wounds, so there is no way it has come up. Tony had JARVIS delete the footage from Thor's apartment from that night, as Clint and Natasha like to go through the feed sometimes, and then endlessly mock the Tower’s occupants, (Sam may never live down the time he fell down three flights of stairs in the middle of the night, screaming the whole way, he wasn’t hurt at all, just embarrassed). There is no physical evidence of the fight whatsoever. And so what, if he is a little proud that when Tasha, Clint and him all get together to gossip over booze every other week, he hasn't breathed a word? That's a good thing, worth being proud of. But a month after he’s found out, things change. It doesn’t actually have anything to do with Cap or Thor, except that the former was in the room when it happened.   
Tony was on the common floor around 1:30 am on some random August Tuesday. Tony is slumped at the kitchen island, idly spinning a hologram of Clint’s arrows, brain too tired to function, PTSD too intense to sleep. Tony is debating going back to his room and attempting sleep when the stair well door bursts open. He jumps and watches as two men stagger into the room. The lights are low, he can hardly tell who it is.   
"Steve?!" Tony cries, racing toward him, once he realizes who is limping toward him. Steve holds up a hand, keeping Tony back before he helps the battered and bloody man he’s supporting to the table. He settles him in a chair, then straightens and turns to Tony, looking defensive.   
"Is....is that?" Tony asks. Steve barely nods.   
"Tony, I... well we, need your help." Steve says, arms crossed. Tony frowns.   
"Me?" He questions.   
"I wouldn't do this, doll." The second man says, around a wince as he tries to shift to look at Tony. Steve instantly whirls to take more of the man’s weight, but he’s shrugged off. "Something’s wrong with the arm. It's got a tracker or something, and its hurting something awful. I hate to ask, doll, given the things I've done, but I don’t know anyone else who can help." This is all said slightly slurred from pain and probably exhaustion as icy blue eyes look into his from under long dark strands of dirty hair, and Tony can’t breathe. They are first and foremost the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen, but they are so tortured and pained that it steals his breath. SHIELD footage did not do those eyes justice, nor did any photo Tony’s seen of them. They are so shockingly blue, it almost can’t be believed. But they are so clouded by pain, the irises looking almost fractured. He’s dimly aware of Steve staring at him, and that the man called him doll twice, but it's all as if someone is telling him these things, not that he’s seeing or hearing them. The man blinks and breathes very carefully.   
"Let's get down to my shop." Tony says when he realizes how much pain he must be in; the skin of his face is greenish and sweaty.   
It takes all of them to haul the man down there, he’s in such bad shape, Steve under the metal arm, Tony on the other side. Steve slowly lowers him on to the couch, while Tony races through the ‘shop grabbing tools and things. Steve comes over, while Tony is shoulders deep in a cabinet looking for a very specific tool, that for some reason can’t be found, likely because he rarely needs to work on a super soldier’s arms.   
"Tony, I... I want to make sure you are ok to do this. Buck... he’s in real bad shape. Can you do this?" Steve whispers. Tony pulls back and raises a brow at Steve.   
"Why wouldn't I be able to do this?" He asks. He knows exactly why but wants to hear Steve say it. Steve frowns and looks back over at his friend, who is deathly pale still and is barely moving, every muscle tight with control.   
"Because of the footage from SHIELD. Of the Winter Soldier...." Steve trails off. Tony catches his meaning though.   
"The man who did that and who shot out that camera is not the same man sitting on my couch in so much pain he isn’t moving." Tony says simply and ducks back into the cabinet. Steve stands there for a few more seconds, clearly anticipating a fight, before he retreats back to the couch. Tony assembles his tools, double and triple checks them. Then he pushes the rolling table with the tools over, shoes Steve out of the way and sits on the table in front of Barnes. Barnes' jaw is clenched and his flesh hand is a fist.   
"Ok, so first I'm gonna open all the paneling and have my AI, JARVIS, run a scan to find the tracker and nerve connections. Then I'm gonna deaden the nerves." Barnes very subtly tenses even more. "It will most likely be from a small electrical shock that will stop the connection between the artificial nerves and actual nerves. I can’t just go in and unplug them, that would feel like I was cutting them with rusty scissors. This way will only hurt for a second, I swear, and then you won't feel a thing I'm doing in your arm. And if you do, you have to tell me, ok?" Tony asks. Barnes blinks and then nods. Tony grins back. "Now, there could be some extensive damage. I might not have time to fix it all tonight. The shock only lasts about 2 hours, if I don’t disconnect them, so I will do what I can. But depending on the tech and the damage I might need you to come back. Will you stick around for long enough for me to fix everything, or do I have to change my plan?" He asks softly. Barnes looks down, and then at Steve, who looks confused, like he can’t imagine Barnes ever leaving again. Steve nods, answering the question Barnes silently posed. Blue pained eyes swing back to Tony. Barnes licks his lips and Tony's brain threatens to shut down again, someone in that much pain, and smelling faintly like they haven’t properly bathed in a while, shouldn’t have a mouth that looked like sin. They just shouldn’t, and Tony’s mind is all too happy to supply the sin that mouth could be doing. He has to work very hard to keep his focus.   
"I'll stay." Barnes says softly. Tony smiles and nods.   
"Perfect! Can you sit on the other end of the couch so the arm is easier to reach? Steve, you'll have to switch." Everyone does as asked. "Alright, Barnes. You want to watch something? I can get you literally anything you want. You got a favorite movie, TV show?" Tony asks, pulling his rolling stool over, along with the tool tray. Barnes looks confused and glances at the giant flat screen on the wall opposite him. Tony chuckles.   
"Steve, got any suggestions?" Tony asks. Steve looks thoughtful for a moment.   
"How about something Disney? You'll like those Buck, no triggers at all." Steve says. Barnes nods.   
"JARVIS, kindly pull up Disney movies and let Barnes here choose one." Barnes takes a moment, seemingly overwhelmed with choices before he settles on Lion King.   
"Good choice, Sergeant Barnes. It is one of sir’s favorite movies." JARVIS says, causing Barnes to jump. Tony smiles, and gently touches his shoulder.   
"I can only imagine the treatment you got on this arm in the past. I can promise I am nothing like them, I don’t want to hurt you at all. If you need a break, if you need me to slow down, if anything hurts once I've numbed you, please please tell me. Promise?" Tony says, then holds his pinky up. Barnes gapes at him for a moment. Then chuckles and links his flesh pinky with Tony's.   
"Promise." He says, softly. Tony smiles, grabs his glasses and screwdriver, before looking at Barnes as the opening bars of the Lion King start. Barnes nods and Tony pulls the release that opens the paneling in the arm located on the shoulder, under a small metal plate. The arm is a mess, there is rust and corrosion all over the inside, and the wiring is a sloppy job designed for functionality, not comfort. There is a distinct smell of overheated metal and Tony feels anger flare in his chest, right behind the arc reactor. He takes a deep breath.   
"J, scan the arm. Find me the tracker and the nerve wiring. Then get me a hologram."   
"Right away sir." J says. Three minutes later, a projection of the arm is hovering near Tony. A small blinking light near the elbow joint indicates the tracker. Tony taps it, and the model zooms in, showing Tony exactly how to get to it through the nerves.   
"Alright Barnes." Tony says, rubbing hand sanitizer on his hands, and grabbing a tool. Barnes eyes dart to Tony and he stiffens. Tony touches his shoulder again. "I gotta numb the nerves now. I'm gonna put the tool here and press this button. You’re gonna feel like your arm is tensing really tightly, and then some pins and needles, and that's it. Do you need something to hold onto?" Tony asks after demonstrating the procedure. Steve offers a hand, which Barnes takes. Then they both nod at Tony, before turning back to the movie.  
"Alright, 3, 2, 1." He says before sending the jolt. Barnes sucks in a breath and squeezes Steve's hand. Then he looks at Tony.   
"That's it?" Tony laughs.   
"That’s it, Ice Queen. Can you feel that? Or that?" Tony asks, probing some nerves. Barnes shakes his head in wonder, slumping into the couch a little. His color returns almost instantly, and the shattered look in his eyes vanishes, he breathes easier. Tony grins. "Great! Let me know if that changes." And then Tony gets to work. It takes 30 minutes of carefully sorting through the nerves to get to the tracker, moving his lamp over his shoulder to see easier. Removing it takes all of 15 seconds, it's hardly soldered to the arm. Once it's out Tony dumps it on a tray Dum-E offers, that is then dumped in acid to corrode and break it down. Then Tony turns back to the hologram, absently singing along to the movie, he can quote the whole thing from memory. He zooms in and out on various parts of the arm, trying to figure out where to start. It's a mess, the rust is all over, as is the corrosion and the nerves are a jumbled mess, in places JARVIS can’t even see where the nerves actually are through the damage, so he has had to guess. No wonder Barnes is in agony. He eventually decides to pick a starting point and work on fixing as much as he can in that area. He divides the projection into four quadrants, and zeros in on the shoulder. He dives back in. Cleaning the rust from the shoulder area takes 45 minutes. But once it's done, the area looks so much better already. He then clears the corrosion and repairs the metal plating here using some new tech that 3D prints the material from a pen like device. Then he checks the timer he set up in a corner of the projection to keep track. Barnes and Steve have started another movie, Princess and the Frog this time. He’s got another 30 minutes left, which isn’t enough time to fix the wiring here, or to clear any more rust. He frowns at the arm, never one to waste time on a project. He decides ultimately to completely disconnect the nerves, so that Barnes is in no pain. That is delicate work, because the nerve wires once disconnected can’t just dangle in the arm, the ends have to be capped and then secured with small magnets in the arm. He’s done with 2 minutes to spare and closes the arm’s paneling. Barnes glanced over in surprise.   
"Done?"   
"Well sorta. Tracker is out and being dissolved in acid as we speak. I cleaned the rust and corrosion from the shoulder area, but the nerves are a mess. I disconnected them and capped them. That should relieve most of the pain. Next time I'll clean more rust and corrosion, before reworking the wiring. I may have to redesign the nerves but I won't know until I’ve cleaned and repaired everything else. Unfortunately, that means that your arm is gonna be mostly numb until I can repair the nerves. You can still use it but remember that you won’t be able to check pressure on the arm, nor strength as well as you could before so do your best. But if something breaks, let JARVIS now and it will be taken care of." Barnes nods, a slightly bewildered look on his face. "Steve, I think there is an empty bed room in your apartment Barnes can have. I'll have J. send up some sheets, and clothes. Barnes, med is always open so if you have any other injuries, I'd head there. Or you can take him to your place in Brooklyn?"   
“Place in Brooklyn doesn’t exist, it was a lie I told your guys while I was looking for Bucky.” Tony gapes at Steve who shrugs. “I promised till the end of the line and I meant it.” Is all Steve says in explanation. Bucky swallows and looks down at his hand but doesn’t add anything. At that Tony stands, too tired to push the issue and stretches out his back. He reorganizes his tools, pushing it away to a corner of the shop. Steve and Barnes stand and are heading toward the elevator.   
"J, would you wake up Point Break and let him know that Cap is back."   
"Of course. Excellent work today sir." Tony smiles and heads to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so amazed by the response the first chapter of this got! Thank you all for reading and leaving kudos and comments, makes me happy! I hope you enjoy the rest of it as much! This is unbetad so any mistakes left are mine. I am still looking for a new beta, so hit me up if you are interested! I am gonna update this every Sunday, it's almost all written so that shouldn't be a problem. I am however starting school again tomorrow so my free time gets filled very quickly. I will do my best! I will also do my best to keep the tags updated as this is updated, but if I miss anything, please let me know! Thank you all for reading!

Tony wakes after far too little sleep, as usual. He stretches, feeling his back pop and crack, before heaving himself out of bed and scrubbing a hand over his face.   
"Good Morning sir. Ms. Potts would like me to remind you of the S. I. board meeting this morning." JARVIS quipped. Tony groaned and dropped his head into his hands. He stumbles to the shower, where the hot water barely eases the ache in his back, then steps into one of his many 3-piece suits, a navy-blue number that he’s particularly fond of. He leans in to peer in the mirror, fixing his hair and adjusting the tie, wishing that he could do something about the permanent tired expression on his face. He kind of regrets spending all that time hunched over the arm yesterday, with the way his back is protesting.  
"God, J, why can't I run my company in sweatpants?" He asks.   
"I don’t think you want me to answer that." JARVIS quips. Tony chuckles and heads to the common floor to scrounge up some left overs. Barnes, Steve, Clint, Thor and Bruce are all sitting around the living room when he enters. They are watching some reality show Clint is obsessed with, involving cooking and obstacle courses, which doesn’t make any sense to Tony. Thor is sitting really close to Steve on the love seat, both of them screaming at one of the contestants, while Clint is leaning out of his arm chair yelling at the other contestant. Both people on screen are carrying a pan fresh out of the oven through a maze, attempting to avoid burns and spilling the contents of said pan all over the place. Barnes and Bruce are watching with eye brows raised, glancing between the TV and their friends.   
"I see you are getting the full 21st century experience Barnes." Tony says walking past the back of the couch Barnes is sitting on. He chuckles and eyes the TV warily. Tony laughs back and walks into the kitchen through the saloon doors. He’s rooting around in the fridge when someone else enters the kitchen. He glances over his shoulder to see Clint.   
"Sup Barton?" He calls. Clint shifts for a minute and then sets a business card on the counter.   
"You had mentioned to me...well not to me, you actually told JARVIS... well JARVIS asked... and I swear we weren't trying to eavesdrop but..." Tony turns away from the fridge at Clint’s stammering, smoothie ingredients in hand, and raises a brow. Clint takes a deep breath. "A few weeks ago, Tash and I were in the vents, I was showing her around cause she wanted to see, anyway. We were in the vents above your shop, and JARVIS said something about your...um... mental health for lack of a better term. You had like cut yourself or something?" Tony feels like he’s been dunked in ice water. He remembers that day. It was several weeks ago. He had been having a really rough week and had cut himself in the shop on some equipment. And instead of patching it up he had just sat there watching it bleed. And JARVIS had piped up and expressed concern. Tony swallows thickly. Clint sighs.   
"Tash and I found this online program, ‘cause we were really worried. It matches you with someone who can relate to what you are going through, and allows you to text them about your problems. It's not counseling or anything like that, more just friendship, someone who can relate. We put in all we could about you and it matched you with someone named James. It only shares first names with each other, never addresses. We put Anthony in, so this guy doesn’t know you are the Tony Stark. He doesn’t even know you are a stark. This is his number. You don't have to use it, but just in case." Clint shrugs, and stands there awkwardly while Tony gapes at him.   
"Man of Arrows, the show is back on!" Thor bellows.   
"Coming!" Clint yells, but doesn’t move.   
Tony's brain finally jumps back into action and he slams the smoothie ingredients onto the counter.   
"The hell Barton?? I'm not suicidal, what the hell are you trying to do?" He snaps. Clint sighs.   
"Look Tony. I know you're lonely ok, and I get that things get heavy, and I know having Barnes here can’t be easy. Just think about it...ok? I know you don’t talk to any of us about the stuff you’re carrying, this might help you. And don’t get mad at Tash ok, it was mostly my idea, she just helped with spelling and shit." He said, tapping the card before leaving the room. Tony stands in stunned silence for several long minutes, long enough for the yelling in the other room to resume full force.  
Tony finally pulls himself together enough to make his smoothie (it's got like two leaves of kale and like half a baby carrot, it's mostly fruit, he needs to eat healthier but he hates veggies in smoothies.) When it's all poured into his bottle with a straw, he leans against the counter eyeing the card and taking a pull off the smoothie. He isn’t damaged, he’s managing just fine and he doesn’t need his friends meddling in his pain. His phone interrupts his brooding.   
//from Pepper, the reason I am alive: meeting in 10, where are you???   
He sighs, pockets his phone, grabs the card off the counter and heads out of the kitchen.   
He doesn’t text or email this James dude that day, in fact he slips the card into his pocket and forgets all about it.   
He sits through the awful meeting, as well as the equally awful lectures from some annoyed contractor who apparently dealt with an annoying intern, all of which is apparently Tony’s fault. He doesn’t really listen to any of it. Tony gets back to the common floor of the Tower at about six that evening, he enters to the enticing smell of Steve's cooking. Tony woops and races into the kitchen to hug Steve from the back, ditching his suit jacket and tie on the back of the couch on the way.   
"Spangles is cooking!!" Tony hollers to those in the kitchen, which happen to be Barnes and Thor. Thor is glaring at Tony, and when he catches him looking he hurriedly looks away. Tony files that away to use for later, and peers around Steve to inspect the food. It looks like chicken and pasta of some sort, which smells amazing. Tony cheers again and dances around the kitchen, releasing Steve. Steve laughs and watches Tony with amused eyes. Barnes does too.   
"Stevie, I go away for 70 years and come back to learn you can cook, and that its good enough to make Mr. Stark do that?" Barnes says, mock outrage coloring his voice. Everyone in the kitchen stops for a minute and then bursts into laughter.   
"Mr. Stark??" Tony says between chuckles. Barnes groans and rakes a metal hand through his hair.   
"I was really hoping you wouldn’t notice." He groans. Steve laughs louder.   
"Oh, never letting you forget that." He wheezes.   
"Tony is just fine Barnes." Tony says laughing still. "Also, I can do more on the arm tonight after dinner if you want." Barnes and Steve both nod., the former sobering up quickly, while Steve continues to chuckle.   
Tony absolutely adores team dinners, everyone sitting around and laughing; Fighting over the last rolls and last servings, bickering back and forth. Barnes is quiet through most of it, but he isn’t running and hiding, which Tony knows Steve is counting as a win. Afterwards, Clint and Nat clear the dishes and Steve and Barnes head toward the shop, Tony trailing behind, reading an email from Pepper.   
"Thor, you are welcome to come hang out with Spangles, Robocop and I." Tony calls, and grins at Thor when he eagerly jumps up.   
Tony assembles his tools in no time once down in the shop, and tries not to grin when Thor sits on a beanbag near Steve. Barnes shifts uneasily again, fiddling with his phone. It's an old cracked Stark phone Tony is pleased to notice.   
"Hey." Tony says softly. "We can skip it today if you would like?" He offers. Barnes shakes his head.   
"Ok, I’m gonna start cleaning from here to here." He says, indicating the places on the arm, from above the elbow to about half way up. Barnes nods, and then unlocks the phone and texts someone. Tony raises a brow but doesn’t say anything, mildly surprised that Barnes has someone aside from Steve to text. "Movie tonight?" He asks instead. Barnes nods, and Steve ques up another Disney film (Cinderella this time, animated version.) Thor settles in next to Steve, really close for to him again like this morning. Tony opens the arm, and then his phone chips from the table. He grabs it to check.   
//from unknown #: Hi, I meant to wait for you to text me, but when we matched it said you had PTSD too and I'm having uh… a medical procedure done today and I'm panicking a bit.   
//from unknown #: This is James btw. You don’t have to respond.   
Tony's eyebrows rise. He peeks at Barnes who’s staring at the TV screen, wondering if the man would notice Tony texting.   
//to unknown #: Hi James. My stupid friends, who might not be friends, signed me up for this. I didn't do it myself. And if we are being honest I wasn’t gonna text you. However, I understand PTSD with medical procedures. Need to rant about it?   
Tony sends the text and goes back to the arm, pulling up the hologram from before with a flick of his hand.   
"J, can you display my texts on the screen too?"   
"Certainly sir." The bot answers. Tony touches a few nerves in the arm with a screwdriver.   
"Can you feel that Barnes?" He asks. Barnes shakes his head, and doesn’t take his eyes off the movie. Tony leans back in and begins cleaning the next segment.   
//from unknown #: it's just scary I guess. Like I don’t have good memories associated with this: I'm an amputee. And I have to be awake for the procedure.  
JARVIS pulls up a keyboard without being asked.   
//to unknown #: I get that. I was uh...modified against my will too. I suppose that amputation is modification against your will, right? I mean you didn't tell me what happened but I get that it's scary.   
Tony turns back to the arm, and hums under his breath along with the movie. The new message comes up quickly but Tony ignores it for a second to focus on the arm.   
//from unknown #: I am a soldier, well was I guess, emergency amputation after an accident. I just hate this. I feel weak, I feel like after everything I've been through prosthetic maintenance should be the least of my issues, right?   
Tony nods at the text before typing a reply while looking at the hologram of the arm. JARVIS is mapping the nerves as they get uncovered, and Tony doesn’t like what he’s seeing.   
//to unknown #: Well I'm no therapist but I have seen plenty. And I have my own triggers and things I label petty because of my PTSD. And my therapists have all said that the little things are allowed to feel big. Does that make sense? If maintenance on the prosthetic seems like a war zone, that's alright. You have to let it feel that way. Did any of that make any sense?   
Tony dives back into the arm, and quickly loses himself in the mechanics. The damage is worse in this quadrant. So much worse. The corrosion ate through the casing on the "nerves" so the metal of them is exposed in places and beginning to decay themselves. Tony has to sit back and carefully breathe so he doesn’t throw something. His vision swirls with anger at Hydra for allowing it to get this bad. He’s still hopeful however that he can salvage these nerves, until he finds the severed ones, where rust and corrosion ate right through at least 3 of the wires. Tony carefully shields the arm with his body, and grabs some clamps to remove the wires. He doesn’t want Barnes to see, so he drops them into a trash can at his feet quietly. He has JARVIS make a note of those wires that had to be removed and continues cleaning. He finds more damage but no more severed nerves. He then uses the same pen like device from yesterday to repair the metal of the arm itself. Then he sits back and surveys his work. From shoulder to elbow the arm is clean. The nerves are in bad shape though, real bad shape. He glances at Barnes, who is still staring straight ahead. He checks his messages while chewing his lip, trying to decide what to do next.  
//from unknown #: yes, that mostly makes sense. Part of me knows all of that. But part of me is ready to throw this poor tech through the nearest window and run screaming into the woods. (Although I'd have to run quite a way to find woods but you know what I mean.)   
//from unknown #: although this tech is like exactly my type and he sings while he works so I don’t really want to throw him through a window.   
Tony cackles at that, and Steve squints over at him. Tony waves him off and hides his chuckles behind his hand.   
//to unknown #: sorry to take so long to reply. I'm in the middle of a project, and when I get working there is little that can stop me. Anyway. That was one of the funniest things I've ever read. As someone who works in tech, please don’t throw yours through a window. He probably wouldn't appreciate that and your chances of a date are cut at least in half, probably more.   
He eyes the hologram and the arm, debating if he should make Barnes sit through anymore maintenance.   
"Barnes, can you sit through more or would you rather I wait until tomorrow?" Tony asks softly. Barnes still jumps despite the soft tone and doesn’t glance at Tony.   
"Can... can it wait until tomorrow?" He breathes. Steve grips his shoulder tightly.   
"Of course. The nerves are disconnected, you aren't in pain, right?" Tony asks gently.   
Barnes minutely shakes his head.   
"Can’t feel anything." He mumbles. Tony shuts the arms panels and pushes back. Barnes shoots up, nods at Tony and practically runs from the room. Tony sighs and scrubs a hand down his face.   
Steve frowns after his friend. Thor, behind Steve is intently watching him.   
"Thanks Tony. I can only imagine what he went through with Hydra." Tony only nods as his phone lights up. He doesn’t trust himself to say anything. He knows that Barnes doesn’t mean anything personal by it, but it hurts a little bit to watch someone that attractive scurry away from him.  
//from unknown #: I think running from the room like a little girl the second he was done for today kinda ruined my chances.   
//to unknown #: in theory he is aware that he is dealing with a war vet and that it isn’t personal. Will you see him again?   
//from unknown #: yeah, he’s my usual tech, and something is buggy in the prosthetic so we have to meet every day to fix it.   
//to unknown #: do you talk to him? I mean beyond the usual pleasantries at the beginning of your appointments. Feel free to tell me to bug off if you meant this as just an observation of his cuteness and not a desire for anything more.  
//from unknown #: I barely talk to him. I mean... we just met a few days ago, but he is really cute and I think I could like him. He’s funny and he makes these adorable little thinking faces. But I haven’t dated anyone in like decades, and I got a stack of war crimes taller that Stark Tower.   
Tony laughs at that, knowing that this James dude has no idea who he is. Steve and Thor bid him good bye and head for the elevator, Thor clasping Steve's shoulder while the shorter blonde talks softly. Thor gazing intently down at Steve who looks sad. Tony smiles fondly at the blonde, they look good together. Tony decides to save James number into his phone. The man is funny and he decides that he probably needs some support, even though Tony is fine.   
//to James: Ah, a fellow New Yorker! Although isn’t it Avengers Tower now? Anyway. I'm sure he can look past those things; do you regret them?   
//from James: of course I do, doesn’t change the fact that I did them.  
//to James: You can't change the past, I've got things I'm not proud of either. But in theory if this man is anything worth getting to know he won't care about who you were, just who you are and who you want to be.   
//from James: damn. I hadn't thought of it that way. You really think people think like that?   
Tony sighs at that. Poor bastard. He powers down the TV and goes to his computer in the center of the lab. He needs to start the designs for new nerves.   
//to James: I can’t speak for everyone. But I know I always try to think that way.   
He pulls up the designs of the old nerves and analyzes them.   
"JARVIS, you think there is a way we can make it so Barnes can feel things with the metal hand? Other than pressure."   
"Sir, I am confident that if anyone can do that you can."   
"Aww look at you sucking up to daddy. Take notes Dum-E. Maybe if I preprogram sensors in the fingers, based on chemicals or something to transmit more information to his brain." He’s so busy designing he doesn’t notice the new texts until nearly two am when he finally surfaces from the design haze.   
//from James: Thanks Anthony. That's a good way to look at things.   
//from James: also, my liking a man doesn’t bother you? I think you may be the first person I’ve ever come out to. Not even my best friend knows.   
"Shit J! You should have told me he was coming out! You don't just ignore that!" Tony cries fumbling for his keyboard.   
"I did, sir. But you shushed me." JARVIS sasses. Tony glares at the ceiling.   
//to James: I was immersed in my project again. Didn't realize that you had texted. I was totally not blowing you off, in fact I am honored you came out to me. I'm pan, but I don’t really like labels.   
Tony scrubs his face and decides sleep is a good idea. He’s brushing his teeth when his phone lights up again.  
//from James: I actually had assumed you were asleep, but thank you for being understanding. It feels nice that someone knows, even if you are a stranger. I was too focused on the war to be concerned with coming out. And now... well PTSD is a bitch and I'm down a limb. So, dates are still low on my list. Also, is it sad that I had to look up what pan was? Sorry.  
Tony chuckles at that and slips into bed.   
//to James: I'd say I’m impressed you're still up but I get it. Nightmares? I'm gonna try and sleep myself. I'd say you should be focusing on dates. Not that some sexy tech at the hospital helping your prosthetic is gonna solve all your problems, but it can’t hurt right? And its not sad, I’m impressed you looked it up.  
//from James: He is really sexy. Goodnight Anthony, would it be alright if I texted you again tomorrow?   
//from James: well actually I guess I mean later today?   
//to James: night James. Yes, you can text me later today. 

Tony sleeps late, later than normal. It's almost noon when he wakes up, which is rare for him. He hardly sleeps that late, so it takes him a lot longer than he’d like to admit to realize he isn’t alone.   
"Good God, Natasha. What the fuck are you doing?" He shrieks, scrambling up against the headboard and pressing his hand over the arc reactor, trying to slow his heart and breathing. Natasha merely raises her eyebrows and sits down on the end of his bed. Tony takes a deep breath.   
"J, a heads-up would be appreciated next time."   
"My apologies sir, I assumed you had seen Agent Romanoff." Tony glares up at the ceiling again.   
"What do you want, Tasha?" Tony asks.   
"Nothing. Steve made breakfast or I guess lunch. Whatever, Steve cooked. He said to come tell you." And with that the super spy leaves. Tony scowls after her and reaches for his tablet. He’s got five new emails about S.I. and a text from James.   
//from James: Good morning. I hope you got some sleep. I did not, which means I'm going to see cute tech guy looking like I'm going on vacation with the size of the bags under my eyes. It doesn't really go with my whole look, you know?   
Tony laughs probably way too hard at that.   
//to James: Morning. I did sleep, like ten hours which is weird for me. I'm totally not trying to brag, I just am stunned myself. Maybe wear some eyeliner? It'll distract from the bags and maybe throw cute tech guy?   
He stretches and pads to the bathroom. After taking care of business he dresses in sweatpants and a Black Sabbath t-shirt before heading, barefoot, to the common floor.   
//from James: Can you still say good morning if it's already noon? And eyeliner, really?? That seems like a bit much don’t you think?   
//to James: I can say whatever I want. I always say good morning. I think it could be just startling enough to get his attention, or you have to really nurse the whole exhaustion thing. Yawn, mention how tired you are so he feels bad for you and talks to you.   
Tony pockets his phone when he smells Steve's cooking.   
"Oh Spangles!" He croons, coming up behind Steve to wrap his arms around him and bury his face in the taller man’s back. Steve chuckles.   
"Good morning Tones." He says, shifting slightly to finish frying the eggs, as Tony snuggles closer. Steve reaches down and pats Tony’s hand, threading his fingers with Tony’s. Tony grins and kisses Steve’s back, continuing to snuggle the burly blonde. He and Steve are best friends, and Steve is very used to how clingy Tony gets when he’s just woken up.  
There's suddenly the sound of mugs, yes plural, shattering. Both Steve and Tony turn to see Thor and Barnes standing in the doorway, each of them glaring at the men by the stove. Their hands are fists and shattered mugs are lying by their feet. Coffee is dripping from Barnes metal fist, but Thor’s mug seemed to be empty.   
Steve raises an eyebrow.   
"You guys ok? Buck?" He asks.   
"I uh.... sorry. Can’t gage the strength of the arm." He says. Steve nods, accepting the excuse. He turns his eyes to Thor.   
"My apologies Captain. I uh... was surprised to see you and Stark like this." Steve looks more confused, even though Tony hasn't moved. "I'll just leave." He says and hurries out of the kitchen.   
"What was that all about?" Steve asks. Tony sighs.   
"I know. Let me go talk to him." Tony says. He walks past Barnes and gently squeezes his left shoulder. "I'll fix that problem once it’s all cleaned out. Just hang in there." And then he heads to Thor’s floor. When the elevator opens, Tony finds Thor pacing back and forth in his living room.   
"How you doin Thor?" Tony asks with a raised eyebrow.   
"Stark. Have I offended you in some way? Is this revenge for a battle maybe, where I didn't aide you? Have I misunderstood some Midgardian custom and wronged you?!" Thor snarls. Tony raises an eyebrow.   
"No?"   
"Then why would you flaunt the fact that the man whom I have given my heart has chosen you??" He snaps, rounding on Tony. Tony has to work very hard to swallow his laughter.   
"You think Steve and I are together?" Tony asks carefully.   
"How else would you have me perceive the way you were holding him? Or the way he was holding your hand?" Thor snaps. Tony does laugh then.   
"Thor, Spangles is my friend, one of my best friends. I was appreciating the fact that he had made breakfast for me. You know I'm grabby and physical with affection." Thor looks disbelieving. "Come on Thor. I like the idea of you two together. Besides, he’s not my type." Thor thinks for a moment and then a huge grin splits his face.   
"So, Steven is not spoken for then?" Thor asks, rushing Tony and grabbing his shoulders.   
"Uh, no? He’s single." Tony replies. Thor cheers and races into the elevator. Tony follows, rolling his eyes.   
//to James: I need new roommates/friends.   
//from James: Tell me about it? I need a new best friend.   
//to James: one of them is in love with the other, and got mad at me when I hugged the latter, and I had to assure him I was not interested in the other. I ship them too, which makes it worse. Why do you need a new best friend?   
//from James: you ship them? Like you want to put them in a boat? You'll have to forgive me, I was a POW for a long time. I don’t always understand modern lingo. I need a new best friend because he and my arm tech are apparently close, like real close. Not that he knows I have a thing for the guy but still.   
Tony laughs so hard at the first part of the message that he has to get Thor’s help walking to the table.   
//to James: I'm wheezing that was so funny. Shipping means you want two people to get together, romantically usually. I think it comes from like relationship, but I don’t know. I'm sorry to hear you were a POW that's terrible. Explains the PTSD though. Learn from my roommates’ mistakes. Maybe they are just friends?   
Tony pockets his phone then and bounces in his seat like an excited toddler while Steve sets the food on the table. He reaches for a piece of bacon before his hand is smacked by Steve's spatula. Steve raises an eyebrow at him and sets some plates on the table. Barnes sits down across from Tony, and smiles shyly.   
"Sup Frosty? You sleep at all last night?" Tony asks. Barnes flinches slightly.   
"No." He says softly. Tony nods.   
"Well maybe you can nap while I work on the arm today? I have nothing planned so I can get a large chunk of it done if you want?" Barnes swallows thickly. And glances at Steve, who is sitting down beside Thor. Nat and Clint settle into seats on either side of Barnes and start on the food.   
"I doubt I can sleep while you work on it. But I wouldn’t mind getting a lot done on it today." He murmurs softly. Tony grins and nods, shoveling bacon into his mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again lovely readers!! I am so touched and honored that you all are enjoying this so much, seriously, it means a lot to me! Thank you for reading! I am working on some other Winteriron stuff so stay tuned.   
> I kinda did whatever I wanted with canon, so some parts stayed the same, but some stuff changed a lot. Also, I was a little concerned that the start of this is confusing, this chapter takes place immediately after the last one, there is no time gap.   
> I am not an engineer nor am I a biologist or medical professional, so all of the medical stuff in this with Bucky's arm is totally made up and I know it's probably inaccurate. But here we are. There will be more explanation about the secret discovered in this chapter, so don't worry.   
> As always, like what you read please come check me out on tumblr [here](https://hippiebuckydrarry.tumblr.com/)

The discovery of that first secret is the best place to start this story, but things really get interesting with a second, much bigger secret. This secret Tony discovers shortly after the first, and he really, really shouldn’t have.  
It was after breakfast and he was wandering down to the shop to get started on working on the arm again, via the stairs and was eating an apple. Sometimes he likes to take the stairs down from the common floor, he’s had the stairwells filled with art from aspiring artists around NYC. Steve has even contributed some, so the stairs here are not like the creepy cement or industrial carpeted ones common in other places. The stairs have lush carpet and bright colorful walls, and Tony loves wandering down them admiring the murals.  
He’s about a floor up from the workshop, meandering down the stairs admiring a mural of Black Widow looking badass when he hears the argument. Tony stops and peers cautiously over the rail. On the landing below, Natasha and Pepper are having an argument.   
"You're keeping it from him?? You knew?!" Natasha hisses, Pepper crosses her arms and glares at the spy. Tony has received that look multiple times and he’s backed down multiple times from arguments because of it.   
"Of course, I know. I've kept it quiet to protect him! Do you know the guilt this would cause, the pain, the self-loathing?" Pepper snaps. Tasha frowns back at her, arms folded.   
"The kid is fifteen and you don’t think he should know? Have you known for fifteen years?" Tasha says, voice dangerously calm. Tony shudders.   
"You read the file, you know the answer." Pep snaps.   
"I want to hear you admit it." Tasha snarls. The two women face off for a few more minutes before Pep signs, almost defeated, her shoulders slumping. She paces away from Natasha, a hand to her forehead, like she’s got a headache.  
"Yes, I have known for fifteen years about Peter. When he was born, his mother tried to claim him as the father. I was notified, it was fifteen years ago, you know how he was. I handled everything for him. I met with the mother, demanded a paternity test. It matched. The mother was strung out, she couldn't care of a child and was hoping I could help, and then she died. The aunt stepped up, offered to take the boy. Peter has no idea who his father is, and his aunt gets the kids tuition to that elite science academy paid for." Pepper says. Tony frowns, confused. Someone in the tower clearly has a kid they don’t know about, he just isn’t sure who or why Pep is involved. (In hindsight Tony could kick himself for how long it takes him to put it together, give him a break. He’s a little distracted with arm designs currently and the sexy man they are attached to).   
"I can understand not telling him back then, but what about later when he cleaned up? Doesn’t Peter deserve to know his father isn’t some faceless drug addict?" Nat asks, less dangerous this time. Pep signs again.   
"I... by the time I thought the news wouldn’t break him, it was too late. The kid was eight, and then Tony was abducted." Peps voice breaks. "I didn't know if I'd ever see him again, and then when I got him home, it slipped to the wayside." They are quiet for a minute, while above them, Tony tries to figure out how he fits into all this.   
"So, Tony is Peter Parker's father. And neither Parker nor Tones knows?" Nat says. Pepper sighs, and nods. And Tony's world stops. He has a kid? Him? Tony Stark had a fifteen-year-old child?? He blinks a few times and shakes his head, he then turns and very quietly climbs up the stairs to the nearest door. He hurries through the floor to the elevator, (he thinks based on the indignant squawk that the floor might be Barton’s, he doesn’t pay attention.) He takes the elevator down to the workshop and storms in.  
"Jarvis, lock down mode, now."   
"Sir, I-"   
"Lock down. Now." Tony snarls.   
"Sir, I must inform you-"   
"Mute. I'll fuckin do it myself." Tony storms across the shop and slams the code into the key pad. Then he starts pacing in front of the now frosted glass. His mind is whirring, trying to remember those very foggy years, specifically fifteen years ago. He knows he has no possibility of remembering the woman. He slept with a lot of people back then, the playboy attached to his name is 100% earned. He regrets those years, only because he treated Pep like shit and did awful things to his body, not to mention the illegal weapons dealing his company was a part of. There were lots and lots of drugs and alcohol. Lots of sex too, with men and women. So, he has no idea who she is, this woman, but he knows it’s possible. Especially if she was on drugs, he probably was too. Misery loves company and all that crap.   
He’s a little surprised to find he isn’t mad at Pepper, he wouldn’t have told him either. No, he’s mad at himself, because he could have done more for this kid. He can always do more, he always needs to be better. Before he can spiral any further, someone touches his shoulder. He jumps and wrenches backwards, stumbling into the windows, not hard enough to break them but it’s a near thing. It takes him a moment to place where he is and who touched him.   
Barnes is standing there, watching him with gentle blue eyes.   
"Holy shit, Barnes. What the hell are you doing here?" Tony cried, hand over the arc reactor.   
"Arm maintenance like we talked about at breakfast, I think the AI was trying to tell you that. Me and Stevie are here, but you locked down the lab so we can’t leave. You ok?" Barnes asks. Tony blinks, once, twice and then sighs heavily.   
"I'm sorry. PTSD and all that good shit. Um, I'm good to work on the arm. Actually, mechanics like that is what I need. But I understand if after seeing all of this" he pauses to gesture to all of himself "if you don’t want me to touch you right now." He looks down at his hands, feeling miserable. Barnes is silent for a moment before he steps forward and gently places his flesh hand on Tony's shoulder.   
"I’m good if you’re good." He says softly, smiling gently. There is the sound of a chair being pushed back.   
"Buck, are you sure this is a good idea? Tony, no offense, but you look kinda rough. Maybe we should just leave…" Steve says, coming into Tony's line of site around Barnes. Barnes frowns at Steve.   
"It’s up to Tony. If he says he’s up for it than I’m up for it. ‘Sides can’t make it any worse." He says with a dark chuckle.   
"Steve, I can appreciate your concern for your friend, really. But I really need to be elbow deep in some machinery right now, and honestly, it’s probably better I do that with Barnes’ arm, where I have you two to keep me grounded and from spiraling. And if it isn’t the arm it’ll be something else, that will likely be more dangerous or that will keep me up for days." Tony says, softly. Steve frowns, and Barnes squeezes Tony's shoulder.   
"Fine, but if you seem to need a break, I'm making you take one."   
"Ay ay Captain." Tony says, saluting Steve, who rolls his eyes.   
Tony moves around Barnes to get his tools and waves a hand at the ceiling to unmute JARVIS. Barnes settles on the couch and pulls out an old Blackberry phone. Tony shrieks and drops the wrench he’d been holding. Both Steve and Barnes stare at him, as the tool skitters across the floor.  
"You… you dare bring that inferior technology into my home! In my own home! Barnes, I am wounded! Hurt, pained, betrayed, shocked, scandalized!" Tony cries, dramatically pressing his hand to his heart, the shock of learning he has a son momentarily forgotten. Barnes looks confused, and slightly panicked, while Steve is rolling his eyes. "JARVIS, can you believe this man? Can you believe this scoundrel? This vagabond?!" Tony cries.   
"Sir, I believe Barnes has had the phone for a while, that it is from his time spent dodging both Captain Rogers and the organization you said I should never mention." JARVIS responds. Barnes looks surprised, probably hadn’t been expecting Tony to be reacting that way over a cell phone.   
"That’s true. I’ve had it for ages. I had a Starkphone for a while, but it broke, I pushed too hard on the keys with the metal hand yesterday. So, I’m back to this, dug it out of my backpack." He says holding up the phone.   
"Well, you’re with me now. What color you want? It’ll have to be the Stark Phone 6, that’s the only one that can have prosthetics programed into it." He flicks his hand and a projection of the phone shows up in front of Barnes, who looks startled. "It comes in silver, white, red, blue, and black, but you happen to know the creator of these phones, so I can customize one for you." Tony says. Barnes looks overwhelmed.   
"You’re givin' me a phone?" He asks. Tony grins.   
"Everyone’s got one. What good is living with the brains behind Stark Industries if you don’t get all the latest toys?" Tony asks. Steve sighs.   
"It’s true. I’ve got one, it’s pretty impressive. And I guarantee it holds a charge better than any of your past phones." Steve says.   
"Blackberry isn’t even around anymore, they couldn’t compete with me. So Frosty, what color you want?" Tony asks.   
"Uh… black." He decides. Tony pouts.  
"Would have expected silver to match your arm." Tony says, leaning over the back of the couch to reach past Barnes and select the option on the screen.   
"I would rather it match my soul." Barnes quips. Steve chokes on the water he had been chugging, eyes practically bugging out of his head as he struggles for breath. Tony blinks a second and then bursts out laughing.   
"Haven’t heard that joke in a while. Think you killed ol' Spangles here. Breathe old man, before you fall and hurt yourself." Tony says, thumping Steve on the back. Barnes grins. When Steve can breathe again he glares at the both of them.   
"God, Buck. I forgot about your sense of humor." He gasps out. Barnes grins. Tony chuckles and pulls over his chair and tools.   
“How could you forget about all this?” Barnes says, glaring at Steve and wiggling his body on the couch. Tony cracks up again, as does Steve.  
"The phone should be delivered to your floor in a few hours, once we are done with the arm for today I can help you set it up if you need." Barnes nods and Tony opens the paneling on the arm, and pulls up the hologram. Barnes and Steve start another animated Disney movie (Incredibles). Tony starts cleaning the inside again, getting rid of all the gunk in the arm. It takes him the length of the movie to clean all the way up to the wrist.   
There are more wires that have broken and rusted so badly, they must have been agony. He stops for a moment, dropping the tool he had been holding, and breathing deep. The arm is clean except for the hand, and Tony is furious that the damage was allowed to get that bad. Barnes turns and looks at him.   
"You ok?" He murmurs, while Steve looks for a new movie.   
"How long have you been since maintenance?" Tony asks, careful to keep his voice controlled. Barnes thinks for a moment.   
"I escaped two or so years ago I think, the conditioning took a long time to shake off. So, time line is blurry." Tony frowns for a moment, distracted.   
"And the conditioning?" Tony asks softly.   
"Steve didn’t tell you? God, sorry. I’m not dangerous anymore, I thought that punk told you. I stumbled on some research from the Princess of Wakanda. I met with her and she removed the conditioning, she wanted to fix the arm, but I still could barely stand to touch it myself, so I didn’t let her." Tony takes a moment to get excited and geek out over the princess, her research is groundbreaking and he really wants to meet her. Then focuses back, his anger at Hydra returning full force.   
"And how long has it been in agony?" Tony asks. Steve’s head whips around so fast, Tony is mildly worried he broke his own neck. Barnes flinches and looks down.   
"Buck, what’s he talking about?" Steve asks gently.   
"Uh, since the first moment I broke the conditioning, it was the first thing I noticed." He says, so softly Tony wouldn’t have heard if he had leaned back even an inch.   
"What?!" Steve gasps.   
"It… I remember it hurting during my time at Hydra, but uh… I think I was conditioned to forget the pain, or ignore it. I remember my arm tech talking about the damage, and being asked if it still functioned. When he said yes, they told him to fix what they’d asked him to and then leave the rest until it became a problem." Tony sees red, and pushed back from the arm. He stands up and paces angrily. Steve sits back and looks confused, but Barnes is watching Tony, looking confused and apologetic. Tony takes a deep breath and crouches in front of Barnes.   
"Stop that." He murmurs. Barnes frowns deeper.   
"Stop looking apologetic, I am not mad at you, I am mad that I can't burn every last Hydra goon to the fucking ground because Fury told me that Cap already did that. I am furious that they let it get that bad, and that you had to survive all that, and an arm that must have burned like the fires of hell." Tony says, ignoring Steve's gentle gasp. Barnes looks down, breaking their eye contact.   
"I figured I deserved the pain, figured that after everything I had done, all the things I made the arm do, I deserved to feel the pain." Steve looks like he might kill someone, which Tony understands.   
"Barnes you listen to me. It wasn’t you, it was all Hydra, they made you do all of that. I’ve watched the footage, I’ve seen you fight back, and weep while you did what they were making you do. You did not deserve any of what they did to you, and you really didn’t deserve to have the arm hurt you so badly. I can’t even imagine the kind of pain you must have been in. You should have come to me or Princess Shuri sooner." Tony whispers.   
"I… I didn’t expect you to help me, after what I did." Barnes whispers back. Tony reaches out and grabs Barnes flesh hand in both of his, and Steve wraps Barnes in a hug. "How can you stand to touch me, after what I did?" He asks, blue eyes haunted and pained when he looks at Tony. Tony squeezes his hand.   
"I hated you for a while, when Steve told me. He said he and Tasha had found something while going through SHIELD files, and that I needed to know. I was furious when they told me, I won’t hide that." Steve chuckles darkly.   
"It's true, he tried to attack me, didn’t go very well, and JARVIS had to talk us both down. And then we sat here and both of us cried." Steve says, pulling back from Barnes but leaving his arm around the other man’s shoulders.   
"I watched the footage SHIELD had, and while it hurt to see, like a knife, I realized that the you I had seen in history books and all over my father’s office, the you that grinned and called Steve a punk, was not the man who shot out that camera in the woods." Tony says softly. Barnes’ eyes widen.  
"Howard talked about me?" He asks. Tony laughs, a bitter awful thing.   
"Yep, not as much as he talked about Steve but enough. I grew up staring at picture of you and Cap here. That man is different from the man I saw in that footage." Tony sighs, remembering how he felt watching the footage of that December night the first time. He remembers trying to attack Steve, being furious that JARVIS wouldn’t send him a suit. Then later, many, many drinks later, he had watched it again. By himself. And then he had watched grainy videos from the war, and montages of pictures that Howard had lovingly compiled, and realized that the handsome, that breathtakingly handsome man in the war photos was not the same man who had killed his mother. They were different. So, Tony had then cried for his mother and for the man who had been forced to be twisted into something capable of all that. And now Tony was facing that same man. And he was still as breathtakingly beautiful as he had been in the pictures, if not more so with the longer hair. Tony shakes his head slightly, he really doesn’t have the time or energy to spare on these thoughts. Tony is more baggage than someone like Barnes needs, he deserves more than Tony has to offer. Tony is so much of a mess that Pepper never told him he had a son. Tony pulls himself from his thoughts before they turn any darker and looks back up at Barnes.   
"I forgive you, but I only blamed you for about 24 hours. Now I just want to help." Tony says. He grins when Barnes smiles slightly and stands back up. His knees make popping noises and he groans slightly. He was crouching for way to long. He then goes to collect some more delicate tools for the hand portion of the cleaning. Tony sits back down and adjusts the arm on the table he pulled over next to the couch for this purpose. He squeezes the man’s shoulder.   
"I'm gonna clean out the hand portion, which may take a while. You good to keep going?" At Barnes’ nod, Tony gets to work. The hand takes all of his focus, which is almost bliss after the past few hours. Its delicate work, the wires here that make up the nerves are finer and narrower, which means the damage took more of a toll on the nerves here. Nearly three hours later the rust and corrosion are cleared away, and most of the nerves have to be removed. Tony spends about 30 minutes repairing the metal of the hand itself. Then he sits back and eyes his work. The metal of the arm is practically sparkling in the lights, it’s gorgeous. But, except for three, none of the nerves make a complete track from shoulder to fingertip as they should. They all have to be replaced. Tony opens the panels underneath the nerves and checks the mechanics of the arm, which lie underneath the nerves. All is in working order there. Barnes notices   
“I can repair that myself, and I can keep it clean.” Barnes says. Tony nods.  
"JARVIS, show me how the nerves connected under all the rust before, fill in any gaps you find as best you can." Tony says, sitting back. JARVIS displays the hologram as asked. "Great, now straighten them out, untwist them, clean it up a bit." JARVIS does. Tony frowns, he has designed prosthetics like this before, with 'nerves' and such to make sure that they could function with electronic impulses. Right now, the arm functions like a rudimentary prosthetic, meaning Barnes can grab things with it and can move it like his other arm, but he has no ability to gage pressure, texture, or temperature, and all the nerves were sending to his brain was pain. Tony has seen him knock over glasses, not to mention the mug incident from this morning. Tony frowns at the arm and hologram. "J, show me my design from the prosthetic I made 10 months ago."   
"Right away sir, I have made the necessary adjustments from the right arm you designed to the left for Sergeant Barnes." JARVIS replies. Tony grins and watches the new nerves be fit into the hologram. "How long will it take us to fabricate those?" Tony asks the AI.   
"About 45 minutes sir, might I recommend that while they are printing you eat something?" Barnes and Steve chuckles at that. Tony stands up and stretches.   
"Good Point J. Start creating the nerves. What do you two want to eat?" Tony asks the men on the couch. Tony can see the moment when Barnes realizes what he wants and the quickly shoves it aside to defer to Steve. "Ooh, Barnesy's got something! Let’s hear it!" Tony cries, settling on the couch next to Steve and leaning forward to eye Barnes.   
"Barnesy?" Steve asks.   
"Shush Spangles, what you want Barnes?" Tony asks, wiggling his eyebrows. Barnes fidgets and looks down at his flesh hand. Then he mutters something. "Can’t hear you Frosty." Tony singsongs.   
"I… Burgers?" Barnes asks quietly. Tony whoops and leaps up.   
"Burgers it is! JARVIS you know the place, I’ll have my usual. Capsicle, Frosty, what do you guys want? JARVIS, pull up the menu." Tony says. He starts clearing away some of his tools while Barnes and Steve decide what they want. When they are done, JARVIS places the order.   
"So, Barnes, I think the arm will be functional again after today. Are you gonna stick around? Join our motley crew or are you fleeing into the night again?" Tony asks once the food arrives, fluttering his hands dramatically. Barnes stiffens slightly.   
"I'd like to stay. If that’s ok with you all." he says softly. Steve grins and claps his friend on the back. Tony smiles too.   
"Perfect! You want your own apartment? There are a couple empty ones on Spangles' floor, you’ll have your own space. If you have a decorating taste, let JARVIS know and he will order anything you want for your rooms." Tony says, before diving back into his burger. Barnes blinks, looking surprised. Steve chuckles.   
"I'd like to say that you get used to it, but you really don’t." He says. Tony smirks and pulls out his phone, while the two reminisce about the Brooklyn apartment they had shared before the war.  
//from James: Oh shit, cute tech guy has this like tortured expression on his face. And we don’t know each other well enough for me to ask, but I kinda want to kill whatever made him so upset.  
//from James: that got a little murdery quick, didn’t it? He’s insulted by my phone (it’s really outdated), wants me to buy a new one. He thinks he can finish the maintenance and upgrades today, which is awesome but then I won’t get to spend time with him anymore. :(   
//from James: Just had an almost meltdown in front of cute tech guy about my past, so that’s awesome. Even worse though is that cute tech guy was really great about it and was so nice and kind and reassured me. So that’s great. And then he stood up and groaned and I swear to God, I almost popped a hard on, in the middle of his fuckin lab!!!   
Tony chuckles at the messages, outright cackling at the last one.   
//to James: It did get murdery quick, but it’s kind of sweet. Maybe he’s just having a rough day? I can understand that. I found out one of my closest and oldest friends is keeping a pretty big secret from me, and I haven’t had any time today to deal with it so that has been real fun. What kind of phone do you have? I hear that the Stark Phone 6 has prosthetic features, if the prosthetic involves a hand. If not, I think any Stark Phone would be great. I'm sorry you won’t get to see him anymore, maybe see if there’s some way you can spend time with him still? Also sorry about your meltdown, I had one earlier myself. PTSD is a bitch. But hey, it’s a plus that he handled it well! That’s points in his favor right, that he didn’t run scared?   
//from James: Do you need to talk about the secret? I don't judge and I don’t know you really, Anthony. So, if you need someone to talk to then I am here to listen, or in this case read. Yeah, it made him that much more attractive that he handled it so well. But I’m damaged goods, he’d never go for someone like me. Bones in my closet and all that crap.   
//to James: Maybe I’ll tell you about the secret later. I need to do some digging and make sure it’s actually true myself. I'm damaged too, but don’t you think that we at least deserve to let the people we care about decide for themselves if we are worth it or not? I say all that of course as I sit here crushing on some guy who is way out of my league, convincing myself that my baggage is not worth it. But I also gotta believe that I deserve love, and to make someone happy. Also, you should listen to the song Guillotine by Jon Bellion.   
Tony pockets his phone when JARVIS informs him that the nerves are done being printed. The three of them make their way to the couch again. Tony carries the nerves over and sets them down on one of the rolling tables he had dragged over earlier. Then he smiles at Barnes, and opens the arm back up (he had closed it when they ordered food and had moved to one of the tables and chairs in the workshop.)   
"Alright Frosty. Connecting and placing the nerves will take likely 2-3 hours. I’m gonna put them in place and then connect them at the very end. I'll warn you before I do that and we will make sure that you are ready. Sound good?" Tony asks. Barnes nods and Tony gets to work again. He doesn’t pay any attention to Steve and Barnes’ quiet conversation, nor does he notice the movie they are watching. He’s so focused, matching nerves to the schematic on the hologram that JARVIS has pulled up, that everything around him fades away. It takes Tony three and a half hours to lay all the nerves correctly. Each one has to be placed precisely, and then secured in place so that they can’t become tangled. They are color coded and encased in a protective plastic that resists corrosion and rust. Around hour two, Steve falls asleep. It’s quiet for a while, the only sounds that of Tony soldering nerves in and the faint clink of tools against metal.   
"Thank you." Barnes says softly. Tony stops and blinks at Barnes.   
"For?" Tony asks.   
"For giving me a home, fixin' my arm, taking care of Stevie when I couldn’t. And ah… for forgivin’ me. I know that’s not an easy thing." Barnes murmurs. Tony smiles softly.   
"Of course, Frosty." Tony says.   
"Um, your father and mother both mentioned you during their last words." He says after a beat of silence. Tony secures another nerve and then looks at Barnes.   
"I didn’t know they said anything." Tony whispers.   
"They did. Howard… he said over and over 'Sorry, Tony. I’m sorry Tony.'" Barnes is looking down, his eyes wide with remembered pain. Tony frowns. Doesn’t sound like Howard.   
"And my mom?" He breathes. He isn’t sure he wants to know, he probably doesn’t. But it seems like Barnes needs to say it, needs someone to hear this.   
"She, she said 'Tony, my Tony. I love you.'" Barnes swallows thickly, eyes darting to where Steve is snoring. "And then she looked at me, right at me, and said 'Tell him I love him, tell him he’s brave and smart. Tell him he deserved better than us for parents. Tell him he was worth it, and important. Please, tell him he mattered. Promise.'" Barnes eyes are shining with tears. "I think I told her I promised as I smothered her. I don’t know if she knew I would meet you some day, I don’t know if she knew who she was talking to, I think maybe she just needed to say it." Barnes turns toward him, blue eyes swimming in tears, and Tony reaches out and cups his cheek gently. “I remember those words jolted me enough out of the programing to stop and listen, before it took over again.”  
"Thank you. I… Thank you." Tony says, withdrawing his hand as if he only just realized it was on Barnes face. He wipes his eyes and dives back in to finish the work. They are silent for a few minutes before Barnes speaks again.   
"I used to have to protect Steve from bullies and pull him out of fights. And the little punk is still getting himself into trouble, he just isn’t so little anymore." Tony laughs at that.   
"Yeah, ol' Spangles over there doesn’t know how to leave well enough alone does he?" Barnes chuckles too.   
"No, he doesn’t. My memories of him came back first, old memories. Like babysittin my sisters or standing around, watchin him try to talk to girls." Barnes laughs softly. "He was so bad at it, so worried he'd offend them. They never knew how to handle him either." Barnes sighs, watching Steve. "We are both so different, we aren’t the same people who ran around Brooklyn getting into trouble. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t see that, like he doesn’t realize that 70 years passed us both, and it aint the forties anymore." Tony nods, pausing to watch Steve too.   
"He means well. I think he just is so excited to have you back, have you safe that he reverts back to the way it was. He missed those 70 years but woke up at the end of them still Steve Rogers. You are changed, you walked through hell, several times and came back, with memories from them. Steve took a nap, you literally lost your mind." Tony smiles to take the edge off of the words. Barnes smiles back. They lapse back into silence while Tony works.   
"He dated any one lately?" Barnes asks. Tony chuckles.  
"Nope, there was one girl a couple years ago, and all of us thought that him and Sam Wilson were gonna have a thing but that didn’t happen, or work out." Tony shrugs, and focuses back on the arm, he’s setting up a nerve in the pinky finger, its narrow and tricky, one wrong move the pinky won’t work right, it’ll send wrong signals and cause a shit ton of problems.  
"He seems lonely. I wonder, you think he likes anyone in the tower? I would love to see Stevie finally get with someone, man has had too many unrequited loves." Tony chuckles, secures the nerve, and then sits back, debating whether to tell Barnes or not.   
"Well, I know of someone who has a little crush on our dear Captain." Tony said, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows.   
Barnes grins and nods. "Who?"   
"I can’t really say; however, I could use some help setting them up?" Tony asks. Barnes nods a bit too enthusiastically.  
"I’m so in!" He cries. Tony grins, and picks up the last nerve.   
"So, I got to ask, you and Steve ever a thing? I know he's bi and I'm not presuming to know your sexuality, but the tabloids did a lot of speculating over the years." Tony said. Barnes laughed.   
"No, never, just better as friends." Tony nods, trying (and failing) to ignore the flare of hope in his chest. He secures the end of the nerve and sits back.   
"Alright Robocop. We’re ready to go, I'm gonna connect the nerves one at a time. That should take about 3 minutes to get them all connected. It's gonna feel like pins and needles, like the arm is asleep and waking up. It shouldn’t hurt very much, if it is anything more than the arm is asleep feeling you tell me ok?" Barnes swallows and nods. Tony starts connecting the nerves, it’s like plugging in a bunch of really tiny chords to equally tiny outlets. He’s also doubled the amount in the arm. Hydra made connections for all the nerves in an arm, and then never made the nerves. Tony's pleased when Barnes fingers twitch. When he’s half way through he looks up.   
"How you doing champ?"   
"Good, it’s a weird feeling. I keep expecting pain." Tony nods, squeezes the other man’s shoulder and goes back to work. He finishes quickly, then sits back and watches for a moment.   
"Ok, wiggle your fingers, good! Now bend up like you’re doing a curl, yeah exactly! Rotate the shoulder, great! How's everything feel, any pain?" He asks, watching the arm.  
"No, no pain, it feels weird though." Barnes says. Tony nods and closes the panel, unable to hold back a sigh of wonder as the paneling moves into place.   
"Ok Barnes, line up our fingertips." Tony says holding up his right hand, Barnes does as asked.   
"Good, now match the pressure I apply." Tony says as he pushes forward against the metal fingertips. Barnes looks astounded when he finds he can match the pressure, Tony pushes harder, Barnes matches it, Tony pushes less and Barnes still manages to match. Tony grins. "Great! Now, let’s go over to the sink." Barnes follows looking confused. Tony turns Barnes around, so his back is to the sink. "Ok, I’m gonna turn on the water, and guide your hand under the stream. Just tell me if the water is warm or cold." Barnes frowns.   
"It’s a metal arm, I’m not gonna be able to tell." Tony just grins and runs the water until its hot. He gently takes the metal hand and puts it under the stream. It takes Barnes a second, likely because he hasn’t felt temperature with the arm in years, maybe ever. Then he gasps a little and his eyes widen.   
"Its… its hot." He breathes, Tony grins, and turns the water to cold. Barnes gapes again and turns toward Tony.   
"It’s cold! I can feel that!" He cries and then pulls Tony into a hug. Tony is surprised, but hugs back after only a second’s hesitation. Barnes pulls back, puts his hands-on Tony's shoulders and just grins at him. And then he breathes in sharply, and the metal fingers trace the shoulder of Tony's shirt. "I can feel this is soft, I knew it was and I can tell with my right hand, but I can tell with my left now too." He turns blue eyes full of wonder on to Tony. Steve wanders over, likely having woken up with Barnes cheering, looking confused.  
“Stevie!! Tony is a genius!!” Barnes cries. Steve raises a brow.  
“Yeah, I know.” He says.  
“No no, he designed the nerves in th’ arm so I can feel hot and cold, and texture!!” Barnes cries excitedly, his face almost splitting open with a grin.   
"It’s not perfect, you can detect temperature and some textures, but not all." Tony supplies.  
"Thank you!!" Barnes cries and pulls Tony in to another hug, this one bone crushing. Tony can’t help but return it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there lovely readers!! It's that time again! Thank you all for reading, I really appreciate it and it has made me look forward to writing it and getting edited for you all! I am also debating writing a Thundershield companion for this work, would you all be interested in that?   
> Time is kinda made up in the chapter, and I did what I wanted with Peter's parentage. I hope you enjoy, it's a little bit of a longer chapter. It picks up right after Chapter 3.  
> Happy reading!!

Tony heads to his room not long after that, pours himself a drink and sits on the end of his bed.   
"JARVIS, look up Peter Parker." Tony says, downing the drink, wincing slightly at the burn.   
"Of course, sir." JARVIS says. The TV screen on Tony's wall lights up with pictures and report cards, things the kid has done in school. Tony hold up a hand to stop JARVIS from moving on past a school picture. Tony sighs as he looks at the picture of the kid. He looks like Tony around the eyes, and mouth, and the hair probably came from him too. He downs another drink, and has JARVIS pull up the birth certificate. (He hacked public records ages ago.)   
It’s all right there, Peter Parker, born October 21st, 2001 Mother: Mary P. Parker, Father: Anthony E. Stark. Tony groans, dropping his head in his hands. The name Mary Parker sounds vaguely familiar, but he can’t place her. Even when JARVIS pulls up a photo Tony has only vague recollections of her. The kid, Peter, is smart, he’s at the Midtown Academy for Science and Engineering. Tony pulls up test scores and sees that Peter is very close to top of his class. He watches some video (public, it’s on the school’s website) of Peter competing in some decathlon or something, he’s doing very well, and Tony is impressed. His phone startles him when it vibrates next to him on the bed.   
//from James: I just had the best night; my prosthetic is all updated and amazing. Me and hot tech guy actually talked, and I hugged the guy, twice. How’s your night goin? Still want to talk about that secret?   
Tony debates answering, its pushing 11 o’clock, he should go to bed at a reasonable time for once.   
//to James: I am not having that good of a night, although one of my roommates and I (a very hot roommate I might add) have made plans to set up our friend, and I did hug said hot guy, however I looked into the secret and it is legit.  
//from James: I'm happy to read a rant if you need to. What’s the worst that can happen, we have never met in person, and likely won’t. I don’t know your last name and I don’t know any of your friends. Besides, I don’t have very many friends myself so I won’t tell anyone. If you don’t want to talk about that, maybe you can tell me about hot roommate?   
Tony sighs. He wants to tell someone. He wants to talk this out, because what exactly does one do when they find out they have a fifteen-year-old son?   
//to James: Well, I was walking down the stairs at my office today, when I heard my assistant and one of my friends talking. I hung back because they seemed to be having an argument. I know I shouldn’t have listened but these two terrify me so I wanted to make sure they didn’t try to kill each other. Not that I could stop them, but just so someone else could. Well the gist of the argument was that my assistant was keeping something from me and my friend had found out. They argued for a few minutes, and then my assistant admitted that I have a fifteen-year-old son, that she was never gonna tell me about. (I hate calling her my assistant, she’s more like my best friend but I'm kinda pissed off right now.) So, I did a search, and it’s true, my name is on the birth certificate. So, I'm a father and I have no idea what to do now. Sorry to bring down your night.  
//from James: Holy shit! That’s some heavy stuff! Do you know why your assistant/best friend didn’t tell you? What do you want to do?   
//to James: She didn’t tell me because I was barely taking care of myself back then, I was reckless and on nearly every drug in the book, and drunk almost constantly. I couldn’t have handled a baby; the kid’s mom was just as strung out as I was. She died of an over dose when the kid was just a week old, he lives with his aunt I think. According to my assistant, when I was clean enough to know, she didn’t tell me because I was clean but had PTSD, well, have PTSD. So, she just didn’t tell me, and now she thinks that it’s too late to tell me. Which pisses me off, but I get it, I wouldn’t tell me either. I don’t know what I want to do, I kind of want to meet him but I don’t know how to go about that. I can’t really go see him and be like hey, I’m your father, great to meet you. My father was horrible, never there for me, abusive and all that good shit, and I was never good enough. I don’t want my son, (God, I have a son!) to grow up without a father, not when said father is alive and can handle meeting him.   
//from James: That does make some sense why she didn’t originally tell you, but she still should have told you later, you deserved to know, no matter what you feel about yourself Anthony, you deserved to know before now. Maybe you should tell your assistant that you know and go from there? Maybe you and her, and the kid and his aunt can all meet for lunch/coffee/dinner or something? I'm sorry Anthony, that is intense. I wish I had more advice or help to offer. I feel like I should say congrats, but that hardly seems fitting, just my horrible sense of humor.   
//to James: I think I might do that tomorrow, see if we can set something up. I would like to know him. Thank you for letting me talk about this. I needed to talk about it to someone, I don’t think my roommates or friends would understand. Thanks for the congratulations, that kind of cracks me up, and I needed to laugh. Thank you. I think I need to sleep now. Talk tomorrow?   
//from James: Of course, glad I can make you smile. Sleep well Anthony, it’ll all work out. One way or the other. I’ll look forward to talking to you tomorrow.   
//to James: sleep tight James   
//from James: Goodnight Anthony. 

 

Tony didn’t end up confronting Pepper for another few weeks, things at SI got crazy, Barnes needed help setting up the new phone, and then robots attacked Queens. And the Avengers were debating adding two new members, one being Barnes and the other was Spiderman, who had come swooping (literally) into the fight and been really helpful in stopping the robots. He hadn’t taken his mask off, and hadn’t wanted to come back to the debriefing. He'd instead disappeared just as quickly as he had come. It was obvious he was young, everyone had him pegged at between 18 and 21, so the team (mostly Cap.) wanted to contact him and ask him to join the Avengers, keep him safeish and fighting with a team instead of by himself. So, needless to say, it had been a crazy busy week. Yet, him and James had texted all day every day, Tony was rapidly beginning to consider the man a close friend and confidant. They had talked about Tony's kidnapping and talked about James’ time as a prisoner of war. Tony learned that James favorite color was blue like the sky, something he had held onto during the torture and pain of being a POW. Tony had shared his favorite color too, and they had stayed up late just joking, bantering back and forth, James managing to be hilarious over text. Tony might have had a little crush on the guy, but he was mostly falling in love with Barnes, which had its own problems.  
Barnes would wander into a room and brush his left hand over Tony's head, just to feel how soft his hair was, would touch his face when Tony flushed, again to feel the warmth, at least that’s what he claimed. Which turned Tony on more than he was proud of, a fact he admitted to no one. Barnes suggested movie marathons, baked the world’s best chocolate chip cookie, and always without fail asked Tony about his day. Tony was unsure how to handle it, and convinced himself that it was all friendly.   
Tony was sitting in his office, thinking about Spiderman and how in the world to get in touch with the guy, when Pepper breezed in to set some papers on his desk.   
"Pepper. Would you sit a moment?" He asked. Pepper looked surprised and confused but sat down and looked at him skeptically. Tony took a deep breath, bracing himself.   
"I know about Peter Parker." Tony said. Pepper doesn’t move at first, just blinks.   
"Well, fuck." She says, and pinches the bridge of her nose.   
"Were you ever gonna tell me?" Tony says, unable to keep all of the hurt from his voice. Pepper sighs.   
"Listen Tony. I wanted to, really, I did. But you were drunk or high more than you weren’t. And then I thought I lost you and I didn’t spare a thought for the kid. When we got you back I was so scared and you were a mess, but for different reasons and I just couldn’t add anything to that. You would have only been more upset with yourself, and you carried back enough hatred from Afghanistan." Tony hates that that all makes sense, he really wishes that it didn’t. He scowls at her. "I understand that you are angry, but I hadn’t thought about the kid until Natasha brought it up. I'm assuming that conversation was how you found out." God this woman is terrifying. Tony sighs.   
"I want to meet him." Tony says. Pepper doesn’t look surprised, but she does frown.   
"I am not sure his aunt will want that, but I will call her today. Is that all?" Pepper asks. It isn’t rude, she just is a very busy woman, running a company and now calling May Parker. Tony shakes his head and Pepper heads out.   
//to James: Just asked my assistant about seeing my son! She's gonna try to set up a meeting with his aunt!   
//from James: Anthony!! That is wonderful news! Keep me posted!   
Tony grins down at his phone and gets back to work. Right as he’s about to catch the elevator up to the common floor later that day, his phone buzzes again.   
//from Pepper: Tomorrow you and me, lunch at May Parker’s place.   
Tony drops his phone he’s so excited and then when he recovers it, texts James  
//to James: !!!! I'm gonna meet my son tomorrow!!!!!!  
//from James: Omg omg! I am so excited for you!! That is wonderful! Anthony, are you like bursting with excitement? I feel like I would be!   
//to James: Yeah, I am! I can’t wait! I’m nervous and excited all at once!   
//from James: Don’t get your hopes up to high, but don’t get too nervous. He’s gonna love you!   
Tony strolls on to the common floor, whistling some random song stuck in his head. He spots Barnes and Steve sitting on the couch, and he quickly glances at the clock. It’s almost six, which means Thor is about to come on the floor.   
"Barnes, could I steal you in the kitchen?" Tony asks. Barnes nods and they both wander into the kitchen.   
"What’s up doll?" Tony faulters for a minute and then shakes his head and pulls Barnes over to the saloon doors.  
"Thor is about to walk through those doors after his work out, and Steve is on the couch sketching." Barnes looks blank for a few seconds and then his eyes widen comically.   
"You mean Thor has a crush on Stevie?" He hisses. Tony grins and nods, right as the elevator opens. Thor strolls out and promptly walks right into the back of a chair, because he is staring at Steve like he hung the moon. Steve looks up and flushes slightly.   
"Hi Thor." He says softly.   
"Steven, wonderful to see you!" Thor booms, much louder than normal. Barnes gasps.  
"No way. Stevie likes Thor too!" He whispers. Tony grins and goes back to watching the two blondes. They are just staring at each other.   
"How was the workout?" Steve asks, face still pink.  
"It was most invigorating."   
"That’s good, I am glad you had a good time." Steve says and then looks down at his phone. Barnes nudges Tony and shows him the text he sent Steve:   
//to Steve: Show him a drawing or something instead of just staring at him you idiot.   
Tony laughs.   
"Good one Barnes." Tony says.  
"Bucky."   
"Huh?"  
"Please, call me Bucky." Bucky says. Tony flushes slightly and nods, turning away, very aware of how close Bucky is standing. Steve is showing Thor a drawing, Thor is leaning over the back of the couch to admire it, really close to Steve, who if anything seems to be leaning closer. Bucky and Tony grin at each other before Bucky tugs Tony away from the doors. "Let’s give them some privacy, yeah?" Tony grins and goes to the fridge, searching for some food that actually sounds good.   
“So, Bucky, how is the 21st century treatin’ you?” Tony asks, bending to peer in the fridge. Bucky chuckles.  
“The view is significantly better.” He says, walking past and swatting Tony’s ass. Tony yelps and jumps, crashing into the fridge. Bucky winks and sits at the table, just as Steve and Thor walk in, gazing into each other’s eyes. The adoration in Thor’s eyes makes Tony ache. He sneaks a glance at Bar-Bucky, who has his chin cradled in his metal hand and is watching the blondes fondly. Steve goes to the stove and starts to cook something, its hard to tell with Thor standing as close to him as possible. Tony sighs and turns toward the table again. Bucky is staring at him, something unreadable in his eyes and Tony feels himself flush from the intensity of the blue gaze. He stammers out an excuse and dashes to the workshop, heart pounding and cheeks warm.

The next day, Tony paces up and down the lobby of the Tower waiting for Pepper and Happy to show up. He has ‘fixed’ his tie so many times it’s a mess that he isn’t sure how to actually fix. His hair, carefully styled in front of the mirror an hour ago, is now a complete mess from him anxiously pushing his hands into it.   
//to James: I am a hot mess right now  
//from James: Nervous? Take a few deep breathes, in for the count of four out for the count of four, three times.   
Tony does as James says. He had a panic attack a few nights back and had frantically texted James, who from however many miles separated them had done wonders to calm him down.  
//to James: that helped thank you. What if he’s disappointed to realize it’s me? What if I have already let him down? God what if he’s ashamed of me?!   
//from James: Anthony, hon, you’re spiralin. More deep breaths, you can do this. You can’t control his reaction, all you can do is take deep breaths and tell yourself that he probably found out last night about you, you don’t know what his aunt told him about you. So, imagine how he feels, he is probably just as nervous to meet you, and I'm sure that he won’t be disappointed. You are a kind, witty, smart man Anthony. So deep breaths, yes?  
Tony takes several deeper breaths, but doesn’t stop his pacing. He’s about to text back when the elevator opens and Bucky and Steve step out. Steve heads straight for the vending machine, not noticing Tony, but Bucky's ice blue eyes land on him immediately and he hurries over.   
"Hey, Stark. You alright?" Bucky asks. Tony nods and then shrugs.   
"Call me Tony, Frosty. How’s the arm?" He asks, unable to keep the tremor out of his voice. Bucky frowns.   
"The arm is fine Tony." He says, voice low, the Brooklyn accent slipping through. Tony freezes and gapes at the man. Bucky smiles and reaches out. He gently unties Tony's tie and redoes it, fixing the buttons on Tony's shirt and adjusting the tie into place, warm and cold fingers brushing the skin of Tony’s throat as he does. He smoothes it down with his metal hand, then reaches to adjust the suit jacket Tony is wearing. "There, you'd been fiddlin with it hadn’t you? This is a nice suit." He says, metal hand fingering the collar. Tony swallows, nerves forgotten, distracted by the unfairly attractive sniper in front of him. "You got a big meetin doll? Need a kiss for good luck?" Bucky practically purrs and Tony can’t hold back the full body shudder that triggers. Bucky grins, and moves the silver fingers to Tony's cheek. "Your hair is a mess, doll." He breathes, equally quiet and runs the flesh hand through Tony's hair, smoothing it back from his face and making it look less messy, Tony assumes. They are standing very close together and Tony isn’t sure how they got there. Bucky then looks down at Tony. "You didn’t answer my question." He says. Tony wracks his brain for the question. Bucky chuckles. "The kiss, doll. For good luck?" He supplies. Tony squeaks then. Bucky grins and leans down. Tony thinks his heart stops, as Bucky gently kisses his cheek. He pulls back, blue eyes sparkling.   
"Oh, for the love of... Buck stop flirting with Tony and let’s go. Sorry Tony, he’s always like this!! Good lord, I had hoped he left that charm back in the forties but I should have known." Steve gripes, the last part more grumbled to himself. Bucky doesn’t take his eyes from Tony.   
"Who says I'm flirtin Stevie?" He hollers back. He grins at Tony. "Good luck in your meetin’ doll." He says and then is gone, sauntering over to Steve, and Tony doesn’t think he is imagining the exaggerated sway in the other man’s hips. Tony stands there stunned and then frantically grabs his phone.  
//to James: Holy shit!! Hot roommate just came and fixed my tie AND called me doll a crap ton. AND kissed my cheek for good luck cause he thought I had a meeting. AND fixed my hair and was all sexy and shit. I mean, his friend said that he’s like that all the time, but still!!!! Have you had any more luck with hot tech guy?   
Tony pockets his phone just as Happy pulls up to the curb. Bucky and Steve have moved to standing outside, arguing about which way the burger joint they are headed to is, even as Steve is eating a package of M&Ms, several other wrappers crumpled in his fist. When Bucky sees him, he rushes forward and opens the car door, to a very surprised Pepper, who had been opening the car from the inside.   
"Oh, thank you Sergeant Barnes. Tony, hurry, we are gonna be late!" Tony nods at Pep and heads toward the car.   
"Steve, you’re right. The burger joint is that way on 8th." Tony says, before climbing into the car, smirking at Steve’s whoop of triumph. Happy pulls the car into traffic, Tony is focused on listening to Pepper explain something about SI, so he misses Bucky pulling out his phone, gaping at it and then gaping at the car as it drives away. 

The ride to Queens takes an hour with typical NYC traffic.   
"His aunt’s name is May Parker, she’s been widowed for five years, and has raised Peter for all his life. She knows you are his father, but told me she had previously told Peter that you were some drug addict his mother didn’t remember. She told Peter about you after I called her yesterday. She wants us to meet at their home, to avoid cameras and so that it is a safe space for Peter to meet you." Pepper explains on the drive. Tony nods, fidgeting in his seat anxiously. They pull up to the apartment building, Pepper tells Happy she will call when they are done and they climb out. Tony stares up at the building, its modest but not run down or ramshackle. Pepper smoothes her skirt and then watches Tony. Tony swallows and nods at her.   
She steps forward and pushes the button labeled PARKER in blocky lettering.   
"Who is it?" A male voice says. Tony's eyes widen.  
"Hello, its Pepper Potts."   
"Oh! Yeah come on up!" The voice says, and the door buzzes as it unlocks. Tony and Pepper walk into the lobby and head to the elevator. They ride in silence to the third floor. Pepper is answering an email on her phone, Tony is wiping his palms on his slacks, which is doing little to help the sweat. Pepper leads the way down the hall way the elevator dumps them into, and walks right up to the door marked with big brass numbers: 327. She slips her phone into her purse and turns to look at Tony.   
"Ready?" She asks kindly. Tony sighs.   
"Not even a little. Let’s go." He says, smirking slightly. Pepper smiles back, and knocks. It takes only a minute before the door is pulled open.   
"Hey! You must be Pepper. I'm May." The woman who is standing behind it says, sticking out a hand. She is wearing a peasant blouse and leggings, and her long brown hair is pulled back in a pony tail. There are glasses parked on her head, and silver earrings swaying from her ears. Pepper shakes her hand.   
"Pleasure to meet you May. This is Tony." Pepper says, shifting so May can see him better. Her eyes widen when they finally settle on him.   
"Well, I can honestly say I never expected to see the legendary Iron Man standing in my front of my door." She says, grinning. She offers him her hand too.   
"Nice to meet you Mrs. Parker." Tony says. May snorts.   
"Oh please. Mrs. Parker is too formal, good lord. Call me May, please. Come in, Peter is in his room, finishing some assignment or other." May says flapping her hand. They follow her inside. The apartment is small, with a quaint living room, a small kitchen, with a hallway leading down to what Tony presumes are bedrooms. "Can I get you guys something to drink? I have wine, some scotch, soda, or water?" She asks, moving into the kitchen and checking something in the oven.   
"Wine would be lovely." Pepper says.   
"Just water for me." Tony says. May nods and grabs some glasses from a cupboard. She then leans around the counter to holler down the hallway.   
"Peter! Come check the food, I have no idea if it’s done or not!"   
"Just a minute May!" Peter yells back. Tony swallows thickly and anxiously shifts. May catches it and smiles kindly.   
"Sit please." She says, indicating the table, which is all set for lunch. Tony sits, and Pepper settles next to him. "Don’t worry, Pete’s nervous too. He thought I was bluffing when I told him last night about you. I knew it was on his birth certificate but I assumed it was my sister-in-law lying. She was kind of a mess then, my husband and I kind of assumed she was lying to get money or something. But then Pepper here explained that she did a DNA test and its true." May studied Tony for a moment, swirling her wine. "I can see it though, he looks like you. Can I ask why now? Why you want to meet him now?" She says, taking a sip. Tony opens his mouth to reply, but May holds up a finger and leans back in her chair.   
"Peter!! The food!" She calls again.   
"In a minute!!" Comes the reply. May leans forward again and sighs.   
"Sorry, he’s pretty nervous. Answered the buzzer and then dashed to his room claiming some homework that could not wait."   
"We can reschedule." Tony says quickly, starting to stand. May laughs.   
"Sit down, Mr. Stark. I am not upset you’re here, and Peter has always wanted to meet you. I am just curious as to why now." She smiles kindly at Tony.   
"You can just call me Tony. I just found out myself." Tony says, with a self-deprecating chuckle. "I was a mess back then too, I'm sure you’ve seen the news stories on me, I honestly don’t remember much from that time. And then Afghanistan happened and I wasn’t in any shape to hear about having a son, but for different reasons. I uh… did not have a great father, we will just leave it at that, and I don’t want to be like him. I want to do better than he did, I didn’t like the thought of Peter never knowing about his father, I don’t want him to grow up thinking I'm some dead beat who doesn’t care. And I don’t want to invade his life either, whatever the both of you are comfortable with works for me, I just want to be in his life. In whatever capacity the two of you want." Tony says, nervously. May smiles, and reaches across the table to place her hand over his.   
"I am thrilled you want to be in his life. Ultimately, it’s up to him. I will respect whatever he wants, but I greatly appreciate that you haven’t just thrown money at us and pretended he doesn’t exist." She says, smiling at them. Then she stands and smirks.   
"I’m gonna go get him. He’s been hiding out long enough." She stops to turn off the oven and then strides down the hallway.   
"Speaking of money, Thanks for paying for the school Pep." Tony murmurs.   
"You’re the one paying, I just authorized it." She says, grinning. "I was keeping tabs on him, making sure him and May were taken care of. I found out he had applied to the school but couldn’t get a scholarship, so I contacted the school, created the scholarship and said that it had to be given to Peter Parker, for the duration of his schooling there." She says.   
"What’s the scholarship called?" Tony asks, curious.  
"The Maria Carbonell Science Scholarship. I’ve looked in to keeping it in place once Peter graduates, that does need your signature though." Tony thinks he might cry at that.   
"You named it after my mother?" Tony whispers. Pepper misreads his expression.   
"Oh, don’t be mad Tones. I couldn’t really call it the Tony Stark Scholarship, I couldn’t attach Stark to it at all or it would have been all over the press. And I couldn’t just give May the money, I was sure that she wouldn’t accept it, he even applied for the scholarship, I have it on record. He wrote an excellent essay. " At Tony’s confused look she continues. "Students have to apply a whole year in advance to the school, I found out that May couldn’t afford it because Peter had applied for a hold of a year on his acceptance. So, I created the scholarship, through the school. They sent applications to Peter and a few other students who had withdrawn their applications or had asked to defer their acceptance. I wanted it to be fair, so that it didn’t look like it had been rigged in Peter's favor. I made it clear that only students whose families can’t afford tuition at all could apply. They had to submit an essay and transcripts by the second week of May. I read all the applications, and decided that Peter's was the best. So, gave it to him. Right now, it’s a onetime thing, but we can reevaluate it at some point and decide if we want it to be for other students too." Pep explains. Tony pulls her into a hug, holding her tightly.   
"Thank you! The name is perfect, my mom would have been so proud. Thank you." When Tony pulls back, his eyes are shining with tears. "I have no idea what I would do without you Pep." He whispers. She grins.  
"Die probably." She says fondly. Tony grins back. They both turn toward the hall way when they hear a door close. There is the sound of someone taking a deep breath, and then May says:  
"Don’t worry honey. He’s really nice, and he isn’t expecting anything. Just wants to meet you." Tony finds himself standing, walking around the table and looking down the dark hallway. He can see May standing with a teenage boy, who has his back to Tony.   
"I know May. But what if…" He trails off.   
"What if?" May prompts, smoothing a hand over his shoulders.   
"What if I disappoint him?" Peter asks.   
"I think I'm more worried about disappointing you, kid." Tony says. Peter whirls around and gapes at him. Tony smiles, and holds out a hand.   
"Tony Stark. It’s really good to meet you." He says. May chuckles and gently pushes Peter down the hallway to Tony. Peter takes his hand and gapes at him.   
“Peter, the food?" May prompts, coming up behind him and patting his back. Peter jumps and hurries over to the oven.   
Tony and May return to their seats.   
"Did you cook May? It smells divine!" Pepper says.   
"Actually, I did. Aunt May is a disaster in the kitchen." Peter tosses over his shoulder.   
"Hey! I make a mean box of mac and cheese! And I am very good at ordering take out." May retorts. Both Tony and Peter laugh at that.   
"Can someone grab the salad out of the fridge, and the bread from the top of it?" Peter calls. Tony stands and then looks at May for approval. May nods and turns to Pepper to ask her about SI. Tony walks over to the fridge and pulls out the salad, and grins when he realizes there are no tomatoes.   
"I hate tomatoes in salad." Tony says, reaching for the bread. Peter jumps and then looks over at Tony.   
"Me too, I hate tomatoes in general. I can handle tomato sauce but just plain tomatoes are disgusting." Peter says with a shudder. Tony laughs.   
"I agree." He says. Peter grins and goes to the fridge to gather some bottles of dressing.   
"Can you carry the bread and salad over to the table, and then come grab the butter and dressing, I gotta finish the pasta." Peter asks shyly.   
"Of course." Tony says. He does as asked and then sits down.   
Peter sets down a glass pan filled with delicious smelling pasta, covered in cheese. Tony leans forward to breathe in the smell. Peter sits down in between Pepper and May at the circular table, watching Tony carefully.   
"It’s chicken parm on top of spaghetti. I hope that’s ok." He says. Tony grins.   
"It’s perfect." He replies, while Pepper nods.   
"I’m Pepper Potts, it’s wonderful to meet you Peter." Pep says, shaking Peters hand. May dishes up the pasta, while Peter helps himself to some salad and then passes it to Pepper. Tony takes a bite of the chicken parm and practically groans.   
"You could give Steve a run for his money, kid." Tony murmurs around the bite. Pepper swats him.   
"Don’t talk with your mouth full." She scolds, causing May and Peter to laugh.   
"Steve Rogers cooks?" Peter asks, not looking at Tony. Tony grins.   
"Yep, he’s like the only capable cook at the tower. Bruce can cook a bit, and Barton and Barnes bake a lot. But Steve is the best. Although he never puts this much cheese on anything." Tony says.   
"That’s a crime!" Peter cries. "Everything is better with a crap ton of cheese!" Tony grins and nods, reaching across the table to high five Peter in agreement.   
"So, Peter, you go to the Midtown School?" Tony asks after a moment. Peter nods.   
"Yeah, I’m a sophomore. I love it, it’s a challenge but I love it. I love science and I’m really lucky, I got a full ride scholarship kind of last minute to the school." Peter pauses to gulp some water. "The Maria Carbonell Science Scholarship." Tony glances at Pepper, who smiles.   
"I created that scholarship." She says. "It’s named after Tony's mother." May chokes on her drink of wine, and then gapes at Tony and Pepper.   
"That was you two? Oh man. I will never be able to thank you enough. Seriously." May says. Peter is staring at Tony in shock.  
"Thank you. Thank you so much!" He says softly. Tony and Pepper smile at him.   
"Of course, it’s not as impressive as you starting at MIT at my age, and graduating with honors. Or some of the tech you’ve created. The arc reactor is so cool." Peter says, flushing slightly when he realizes all that he just rattled off.   
Tony smiles. "I wouldn’t compare yourself to me, I mean the genius attached to my name is well deserved, but I’m impressed with you. Going to the Midtown School is serious business. I saw your application, that essay and those grades are no small thing. You come from a long line of scientists, but I am the odd ball." Tony says, looking down. Sure, he has a lot of degrees and owns one of the greatest tech companies in the world, but he shouldn’t be the standard people strive for. He’s a mess.   
"I still can’t believe it." Peter whispers, looking at his plate. "That you’re my dad, and you actually are sitting here in my kitchen. That you want to meet me." Tony raises his eye brows.   
"Why wouldn’t I want to meet you? I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner, I just found out myself, like a week ago." Peter looks up at that and looks unsure still. May reaches out and touches his shoulder. He sighs.   
"I’m really glad you came all this way. I have wondered about my father all my life. Aunt May always said it was some random guy my mom didn’t remember the name of." Tony nods, and May winces apologetically.   
"Sorry about that, thought that your mom was lying about the name on the birth certificate." May explains.   
"I’m not mad. I get it, I probably wouldn’t have believed it if you had told me and then Mr. Stark never showed up." They all chuckle at that, and lapse into silence while they finish their food. After they are done, Peter peers at Tony nervously.   
"Um… I have some reports and things from school. Do you…. Do you wanna see them?" Peter asks. Tony feels his face light up.   
"I would love that!" Tony says. Peter grins and leaps up, motioning for Tony to follow him. They go down the hall to Peter's bedroom. Its decorated exactly the way you would expect it to be, and Tony spots a poster on the far wall of him, standing among his sports cars and grinning, arc reactor gleaming in his chest, dress shirt open around it. There are also several photos and posters of the Avengers sprawled around the room, some of Captain America, but most of Iron Man. Several of him without the helmet on, grinning from the suit, or with the faceplate up, laughing. Peter notices him looking and flushes.   
"Iron Man is my favorite Avenger. And I have idolized you since I was little. You can ask May, I always used to say that I was gonna grow up to be just like Tony Stark." He blushes deeper. "That seems really creepy now." Tony chuckles.   
"It’s not, don’t worry. I'm actually really flattered. And you have some of my better posters." He says grinning. Peter relaxes and grins back. He perches on the bed and holds out the bundle of papers he’s holding. Tony sits next to him and reads through them. They are really good, and the research is really thorough.   
"Why did the teacher mark you down there? You’re right. It’s not the traditional way to get the answer but you got it right." Tony says, pointing. Peter practically glows.   
"Thank you! She marked me down because I had to do it her way, but Dr. Banner's equation works so much better." Tony chuckles.   
"I’ll have to tell him you said that. You’re right. But I do see her point, Bruce’s equation isn’t widely accepted." Peter nods and looks down at his hands grinning. Tony then reads through a report Peter did on the element in Tony's arc reactor.   
"Ah Badassium." He says. Peter snorts and then grins at Tony.   
"They wouldn’t let you call it that, and my teacher barely let me do a report on it." He pauses like he’s debating whether or not to ask something. "Do you still have it?" Peter asks. Tony shoots him a confused look. "The reactor." He elaborates. "Is it still there?" Tony nods, and hesitates for a moment. He glances at Peter, before throwing his tie over his shoulder, and shrugs off his suit jacket. He slowly unbuttons the first few buttons on his shirt, and pulls it aside so the glow of the arc reactor can be seen through his under shirt. Peter gapes at it.   
"Can I ask why you haven’t had it removed?" Peter asks, voice filled with awe. Tony lets him look a moment longer, and then buttons his shirt back up.   
"Two reasons really. One, I haven’t found a surgeon willing to take that on, I’m assuming you know why I have it." Peter nods. "So, a lot of surgeons aren’t willing to deal with it, they don’t want to have to operate on me, and they also are worried about removing it because of how my body has adapted to it, they don’t think that my lungs will ever go back to normal, and my heart has gotten used to it so the doctors worry that removing it will cause more problems. The second reason is I'm too anxious to let anyone operate on my heart. It is kind of like my security blanket." He admits. Peter nods.   
"I can understand that. It’s really cool is what it is." Peter admits, pointing to something tacked on the ceiling. Tony looks up and realizes that Peter has a blueprint of the first arc reactor on his ceiling. It's the kind sold in the gift shop at Avengers Tower, a few key details changed so that the designs can’t be replicated into something that actually works. Tony laughs.   
"Wow, you really are a fan, aren’t you?" Tony asks. Peter nods and looks embarrassed.   
"I always wanted to meet you when I was little, I even uh… I even pretended you were my dad once or twice. Little did I know." he says, chuckling. Tony smiles, and feels a pang in his chest when he thinks of what he’s missed, Peter is a stranger. "I don’t mean to sound ungrateful to May. She is awesome, and so was my uncle Ben. They did a great job raising me, and I'm grateful for them. But I always wanted to know my mom and dad." Peter admits. Tony sighs, looking down.   
"I would have met you sooner if I had known about you. I swear." Peter nods at that.   
"It’s ok Mr. Stark. I’m just happy to meet you now. And to find out where my science mind comes from." Tony laughs.   
"You can call me Tony. My dad was Mr. Stark and I don’t want to be anything like him." Peter nods hurriedly.   
"So, do you know what you want to do after high school?" Tony asks. Peter grins sheepishly.   
"I'm not totally sure, engineering or maybe chemistry or biology of some kind. I don’t really know, I kind of want to stay in state for school, but I haven’t thought about it much." Tony nods   
"That’s ok, I didn’t have it figured out at your age either, but I was already in college by then, so I was a bit more screwed." Tony says. Peter laughs at that.   
"Hey nerds. You done being geeks in here? I got some baby pictures Tony, if you want to see them." May says, materializing in the doorway. Tony nods eagerly, while Peter groans and drops his head into his hands. Tony stands, puts Peters school work back on to the desk and follows May down to the living room. May motions to the couch and grabs a couple photo albums and sits next to him. Peter wanders in and sits on the other side of Tony. May opens the first book, a large green photo album.   
"The first few are from the hospital and then the rest are from when Ben and I brought him home." Tony opens the book and finds a picture of Mary and Peter in the hospital. Tony's eyes widen. He remembers her, now that he’s seeing her in a different photo, she wasn’t a one-night stand (although she’s really close to it) they spent a few nights together, and went to a few parties together. And then she had vanished, and Tony had moved on. Mary is thin and tired looking, dark hair pulled back in a messy bun from her face, but she is gazing lovingly down at the screaming baby in her arms. Below that are three photos of Peter lying in his crib, crying like mad. Tony smiles down at the photos.   
"He screamed and screamed when he was born." May says fondly. "Madder than a hornet at being out in the world." Peter laughs, and Tony grins. They all look up when Pepper comes back in the apartment.   
"Sorry, official SI business. Are those baby photos?" When May nods, Pepper comes and sits next to her.   
"Oh, Tony he looks like you did as a baby!" She cries, pointing at a picture on the next page of Peter sleeping in his hospital crib.   
"Really?" Peter and May ask at the same time. Pep nods and grabs her phone, flipping through something before lying it down next to the photo of Peter, displaying an older photo of a baby, also screaming. Tony sputters for a moment while May and Peter glance back and forth between the two photos.   
"Pepper, why is this saved on your phone?" Tony cries.   
"Because it’s an adorable photo, look Peter, you both have your fist curled up by your face." Pepper says. Peter nods and stares down at the photos.  
Pepper, it turns out, has a shocking amount of baby photos of Tony saved on her phone. They flip through the album, remarking on the similarities of baby Peter to baby Tony, and Tony is just shocked to see all of the photos. He feels that pang again, and is sad that he missed out. He isn’t mad to see Ben and May holding baby Peter, to see him so loved and cared for. Just mad at himself, and a little at Pepper, that he missed out, that he could have been there, and wasn’t.   
They go through all the photo albums, and then sit around the living room, May and Pepper sharing stories about Peter and Tony. Peter and Tony slowly find their similarities and soon the afternoon has slipped into evening. Peter glances at the clock around six and leaps up.   
"Shit! I got to meet Ned!" He cries, racing from the room. He comes running back in and skids to a halt, backpack bouncing against his shoulder.   
"I'm so sorry, really, but we have this project." He explains.   
Tony nods. "Its fine kid. Don’t worry about it. We need to get going too." He says standing too.   
"Will I see you again?" Peter asks, hesitantly.   
"Yeah, I’ll leave my number with May." Peter nods. And then he rushes forward and hugs Tony, before dashing out the door. Tony blinks after him in surprise. May and Pepper just laugh.   
"Thank you so much for coming, you are welcome to stay longer."   
"No, we really should be going, but thank you for the food and letting us come by." Pepper says. Tony grabs a receipt from his pocket and scribbles his number on to it, as well as his email.   
"Here, thank you so much for letting us meet him. And for doing such a great job raising him." Tony says, and is surprised that May hugs him too.   
"Of course, you don’t have to thank me, I love him like my own." May says. "We will be in touch." She promises as they leave.   
In the car, Tony grins from ear to ear, while Pepper talks to some angry board member on the phone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!! Thanks again for reading! To say thank you for all the sweet comments and the wonderful response to this, you all get two chapters today!! Yay! They are like nothing but fluff and just kinda setting us up for the next bit of action, and because its me, the angst that is to come! Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!

Its only once he’s in bed later that he realizes that James never texted him back.   
//to James: You were right, meeting my son went really well. He's really smart, and he wants a relationship with me! I hope you had a good day. Do anything exciting?   
Tony waits, but James doesn’t respond. Tony shrugs it off and goes to sleep, assuming James did the same. 

However, there is no response the next day, or the day after, or the day after that. In fact, a week goes by, and James doesn’t text him once. It's not for lack of trying, Tony texts him every day, about random things in his life, a breakthrough in the lab, the movie he, Peter, and May all go to see. James remains silent.   
What’s worse, Bucky is also avoiding him. Tony will enter a room, and Bucky will leave. Tony has only really seen him him at team dinner, or the two movie nights they have had in the week since meeting Peter for the first time. They are the only times Bucky will be around Tony. But every time Tony says something to him, it is ignored, or he is glared at. Tony hates it, hates that he lost someone he was considering a best friend, and he doesn’t even know what he did wrong.   
By the end of the next week, Tony stops trying. Stops trying with James and stops trying with Bucky, because after all those years with Howard, he is very good at telling when he isn’t wanted. The only bright spot is Peter, who texts and calls him frequently, with math problems or science equations he needs help with. May had suggested that every Wednesday Tony come over for dinner and it becomes the highlight of his week. Peter is smart and funny, and chatters away about his day, his classes and his best friends. Tony loves it, every minute of it.   
But, no one at the tower knows about Peter, Tony wants to keep it quiet, because the more people know the greater the chance that someone at the press will get wind of it and neither of them will get any peace again. Also, he can see the famous Captain America eyebrows of disappointment when he finally does tell them and the way the rest of them will judge him for failing as a father for so long. It’s best if he is the only one to feel that shame.   
The other bright spot is that he is 90% sure Thor and Steve are sleeping together. Steve has some unexplained hickeys, Thor has been whistling a lot, the star-spangled banner no less, and grinning at Steve. And after their last mission, he caught them standing close together talking and Thor's hand was on Steve's cheek.  
Which actually brings up another issue. Spiderman has been showing up at more and more missions, and his help has been greatly appreciated, but something about him doesn’t sit right with Tony. He swears he knows him from somewhere but can’t place his voice. Fury is debating letting him join the team, having already cleared Barnes, but Tony had asked that Fury wait a while before deciding. Tony wants to figure out what that weird vibe he gets from the kid.

A month and a half after first meeting Peter the team is called away to a threat in Maine of all places. Some crazy scientist had created an army of robots (why the hell is it always robots?!) that were easy to take down but exploded at odd intervals after they had been disarmed. It was a long and grueling fight. They had subdued the threat fairly quickly and were piled into the quinjet, after burgers, to fly home. The flight is only about an hour, so the team had settled in. Nat and Clint are curled together, watching something on Clint's Stark Pad. Steve and Thor have ducked off to who knows where, and Tony isn’t sure he wants to know.   
Tony had stripped out of the armor and was curled in the copilot’s seat, facing back to where Clint and Nat as well as Barnes were sitting. Sam was flying the jet, or more accurately, sitting in the pilot’s chair reading while the jet flew itself home. Barnes was leaning back in his seat, head against the wall, reading something on his phone. He has opened the front of his tac gear, revealing the tight white shirt underneath, and he has one leg stretched in front of him, the other bent, showing off muscled thighs, with the black leather of his tac gear clinging to him. Tony tears his eyes away and being the masochist that he is, opens his message app.   
//to James: I don’t know if you have blocked my number or anything. But I fucking miss you, and I don’t know what I did to upset you enough that you stopped talking to me completely. But I want to fix it, so will you talk to me? Please?   
Tony leans back and closes his eyes, knowing he isn’t likely to get any response. He’s very surprised when his phone buzzes in his hand.   
//from James: You didn’t do anything   
//to James: then why did you disappear?? I must have done something. It’s been a month and a half   
//from James: I just… needed some space. It is nothing you did Anthony. I just, uh, well PTSD was real bad, and I have all these feelings for tech guy and uh you. And I am unsure how to sort all of them out. So, I thought if I put distance between us I'd move on, but then I didn’t, if anything it got worse. I know we have never met and this is totally inappropriate. And I know that you have so much going on, but I guess I just want to be the person you come to, and I get that by ignoring you for nearly two months doesn’t help that. I’m sorry Anthony, I missed you too.  
//to James: You matter to me, you are one of my best friends. I understand confusing emotions, I have a crap ton of those too. And I want you to be the one I go to again, I’ve missed you so much, and you are the only one who knows about my son. The only person aside from my assistant. Well and my friend but I haven’t talked to the friend. Point being you are the only one who knows all of my feelings on the matter and all of my thoughts. Not to mention the countless other things I have told you that no one knows, not even hot roommate. And I want you to know that I am always here for you as well.  
//from James: I am flattered by that. Can you forgive me Anthony, for abandoning you for so long? I was so stupid.   
//to James: You are many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. Of course, I forgive you.   
//from James: So, tell me. How is your son? What’s he like?  
//to James: He’s amazing. Like all of the good parts of myself and none of the bad. He got the good things about my looks, he got my brains, he’s generous, funny. He has a brilliant mind, and a good personality. His aunt and late uncle did an excellent job raising him. His aunt has made me a part of family dinners (and she calls them that) once a week. He texts me and calls me for homework help. Yesterday, he got an A+ on a report on vibranium and he sent me a photo of it ‘cause he was so proud. I don’t expect him to ever call me dad or anything, but he wants me around and involved in his life. And that makes me so happy, James you have no idea.   
//from James: Anthony that is wonderful!! I am so glad you have gotten the chance to know him and spend time with him! You deserve that, I’m so happy for you.   
"Oooo who you textin’ Stark?" Sam crooned suddenly. Barnes jumps and eyes Tony, those blue eyes unreadable. Tony cringed, but couldn’t stop the stupid grin on his face.   
"ooooo I know that grin! Is it someone special?" Clint cried, leaning around Nat to wiggle his eyebrows at Tony. Tony groaned and rolled his eyes.   
"Yeah Stark. You have a crush on this mystery person?" Sam said.   
Tony groaned.   
"No, maybe, yes, I don’t know!! Will you all leave me alone now?!" Tony cried, swiveling his chair back around to shield his body and phone screen from the rest of the team, who are all too tired to push the issue more. Because he was now facing away from everyone else, he missed the way Barnes gaped at him for a moment before looking down at his phone with a small smile on his face. 

Things surprisingly go back to normal after that. Bucky finds him the next day in the kitchen. Tony is glaring at the coffee machine, daring it to go any slower, when two arms brace on the counter on either side of him, one metal, one flesh. Bucky leans close, his lips mere centimeters away from Tony’s ear, his warm solid chest against Tony’s back.  
"Sorry I been so cold to ya darlin. I had a rough couple o' weeks, flashbacks 'n' shit. Not your fault. Forgive me?" He breathes, and Tony shudders again.   
"its…. Its f-fine." Tony stammers out.   
"Thank you doll." he whispers, lips grazing the shell of Tony’s ear, while he reaches up and grabs a mug from the cupboard, fills it with coffee and presses it into Tony's hands. Then he brushes his lips against Tony's cheek and is gone, as silent as he had arrived. Tony is left blinking after him, cradling his coffee in his hands. Steve comes in to the kitchen then and looks at Tony seriously for a moment.   
"Ah damn. Was Bucky in here flirtin' again? Good God that man. Sorry Tony, he did this all the time back before the war. Id recognize that look anywhere." Steve says. Tony blinks and shakes his head a bit.   
"What look?" Tony asks, finally sipping his coffee, it’s still scalding, the perfect temperature in his opinion.   
"The a-hot-man-got-really-close-and-whispered-something-in-my-ear-in-that-Brooklyn-accent-of-his-and-I-don’t-know-what-just-happened look." Steve says with a smirk. Tony sighs.   
"Well it’s very hard to resist." Tony says. Steve chuckles.   
"I never found it all that intoxicating." Steve says with a shrug, grabbing a protein shake from the fridge.   
"No, you prefer booming voices, and rippling golden muscles and long flowing blonde hair." Tony says, smirking around his coffee mug when Steve chokes on his shake.   
"How… how…. What?" Steve chokes out. Tony just grins.   
"Tell me Spangles, how is his hammer?" Tony asks, leaning against the counter. It takes Steve about 30 seconds before he gets it, and color floods his face. Tony's grin broadens.   
"That good huh? My my Captain." Tony croons. Steve just gapes at Tony, still beet red. And then he sighs.   
"Please don't tell Bucky, or anyone. We… I want to keep it quiet. I'm not sure where it’s going. I uh… I've liked him for a long time and I don’t want to rush him. He just got out of a relationship, although he said Jane is dating again, some scientist in New Mexico." He says, rubbing the back of his neck. Tony laughs.   
"I don’t think you are gonna have to worry about that, Spangles." He tosses over his shoulder as he refills his coffee cup, having just drained the one Bucky filled for him.  
"What do you mean?" Steve asks, a hopeful note in his voice.   
"I mean, I heard Thor say your name during sex with Jane three months ago, and it was apparently not the first time it had happened. That was the night they broke up." Tony says, moving over to the fridge to find some breakfast. Thor had told them all about two months ago that Jane and him had ended thing, and not on good terms either. Jane was still very angry, though maybe not as angry as Tony had originally thought if she was dating again.  
"Wait! What?!?!" Steve cries, just as Thor walks in.   
"Steven!" He cries, leaning over to kiss Steve’s cheek. "What is the matter?" Tony stands up and closes the fridge, causing Thor (who hadn’t seen Tony) to leap away from Steve.   
"You said my name during sex? Multiple times??" Steve cries. Thor whirls and glares at Tony.   
"I asked you, Stark, to keep that private." Thor snarls. Tony rolls his eyes.   
"Steve was standing here saying he didn’t think you were invested in your relationship. I knew you were, so I reassured him." Tony says, flapping his hand at the two blondes.   
"Steven. Is this true? You doubt my affection?" Thor asks, voice gentling in a way Tony has never heard the god speak before. Steve looks down.   
"I have had feelings for you for a long time, and I didn’t want to rush you, but we hadn’t put a name on what we are." Steve murmurs.   
"Steven, I have been in love with you for months. Never doubt my feelings, for they are true and deep." Thor says, before he smashes their mouths together. Tony grins at them, until he realizes that the kiss is rapidly turning heated, and he scurries out of the room, almost plowing in to Wilson.   
"DO NOT go in there! Trust me!" Tony cries as he dashes for the stairs and down to his workshop, not before he hears Sam's screech:  
"Oh, for the Love of God, you have rooms for a reason!"   
//to James: Two of my friends/roommates just confessed their love for each other and then started making out in front of me and I am scarred.   
//from James: Poor baby. Jealous?  
//to James: Of them? Hell no, between the two of them there is too much blonde and way too many muscles. I am not jealous of them.  
//from James: Just checking. How’s hot roommate?  
//to James: he is a problem, we had a fight/weird thing between us, idk how to describe it. Any way he apologized today by like whispering in my ear, and he has this incredibly sexy Brooklyn accent, and it almost kills me.  
//from James: you think you'll go out with him?   
//to James: Idk, you think you’ll ever ask out hot tech guy?  
//from James: you got me there.   
//to James: besides, think I might like someone else ;)  
//from James: :)   
Tony grins and is about to put his phone away when it rings.   
"Hello?"  
"Omg Omg Tony guess what?!"  
"Hey Pete, what’s up?"   
"That experiment I did, on the biology of trees, do you remember it?" Peter says excitedly.  
"Yeah, I remember it. The one where you tried to see if the trees could communicate right?" Tony asks, heading into his work shop.   
"Yep! My teacher gave me an 100% and told me he was really impressed with my work, and said that he might be able to get me a summer internship at freaking Columbia with a bio professor!" Peter practically screams into the phone.   
"Peter! That’s incredible! I’m so proud of you! Congrats!" Tony cheers, chest swelling a bit with pride. "You tell May yet?"  
"No, I wanted to tell you first, in between classes. Can you believe it?" Peter cries, excitement coloring his voice. Tony grins, heart swelling at the fact that he was the first to be told.   
"It’s very impressive Peter. I’m very proud, that report however, was incredible, so I'm not super surprised."   
"It's a super competitive internship I think, so I may not get it, but even being considered is wonderful. I can’t believe it." Peter says, and Tony can imagine the smile on his face.   
"Oi, Peter, we gotta get to history! Who you talking to, your girlfriend?" Someone on Peters end of the line calls.   
"No, MJ. It’s my dad, you know I don’t have a girlfriend." Peter retorts.   
"Sorry Tony. I gotta go. See you Wednesday!" and then Peter hangs up. Tony stands still and blinks. Peter had just referred to him as his dad. Tony's face feels like its gonna split open from smiling so hard.   
//to James: MY SON JUST REFFERED TO ME AS HIS DAD, not to my face, he called me and a classmate asked who he was talking to and he said IT WAS HIS DAD!!!!  
//from James: That's so exciting Anthony!!!!!!   
//to James: Been a good day.


	6. Chapter 6

The first time, it happens in the dead of night on a Saturday in November. The Avengers had been called in earlier in the day to fight some sea monster thing, all their missions of late seem to include some supernatural being or robots. When they got home, they had scarfed down the pizzas JARVIS had ordered (Bruce, Steve, Bucky and Thor each eating an entire pizza themselves), watched a movie and then drifted to bed. Bucky had stopped near Tony on his way to the elevator and gently brushed his metal fingers down the side of Tony's cheek, smiled at him and told him to "Sleep well doll." Then he had followed Thor, who was cradling a sleeping Steve lovingly in his arms, into the elevator.  
Tony had tried to sleep, really, he had. But every time he closes his eyes he sees Spiderman get thrown into a building, Sam take a hit and go down into the water, and Bucky lunge to cover Steve, a split second too late. Everyone is fine, but Tony can’t stop the fear crawling under his skin that he should have, could have done more. He doesn’t text James when he finally gives up on sleep, James had mentioned having an exhausting day too and Tony doesn’t want to disturb him. He sits in bed, pressing his hands into his eyes for long moments, trying to keep the flashback at bay. He’s shaking with the effort, but it happens anyway.   
He's hoisting the nuke into the portal, his heart stopping when he sees all of the aliens waiting to attack his beloved city. He sees Peppers face, Rhodey, Steve, Bruce, and now, added to the flashback, Peter and Bucky, all the people he’s failing, and then the suit stops, shorts out. And he’s falling, down, down, through a rapidly closing wormhole, screaming, but no one can hear him. He falls for an eternity before something slams into him, and he blacks out.   
Tony gasps as he’s slammed back into the present, shaking and sobbing. He leaps up and runs to the bathroom, barely making it in time before he vomits into the toilet. Over and over until he can’t breathe as his body tries to turn itself inside out to get rid of the panic. He sits there cold and shaking for a long time.   
"JARVIS." He croaks eventually.   
"Yes sir." Tony doesn’t think he is imagining the worry in the AI's tone.   
"Is anyone awake?" Tony asks.  
"No, sir. Would you like me to wake Captain Rogers, or perhaps Sergeant Barnes?" JARVIS asks. Tony shakes his head and hoists himself up.   
"No, I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t run in to anyone." Tony says. He stumbles to the elevator and takes it to the common floor. He creeps out, and JARVIS automatically turns up the lights to a low setting so Tony can see, but still feels protected. He feels a surge of affection for the AI. He wanders into the living room, looking for a blanket, preferably one that smells like a team mate. Instead he finds a leather jacket, draped over the back of one of the armchairs.  
"I believe it is Sergeant Barnes', sir." JARVIS supplies. Tony brings the jacket to his face and breathes deeply, it smells like worn leather and Bucky. Tony slips it on, and pulls it close around his body, its big, the sleeves fall to his knuckles and he can wrap it around his body, snuggling into it.   
He pads to the kitchen, pulling the jacket up to his face to breathe in the comforting scent. Tony debates making coffee, he wants it, but it’s pushing two am and if he has any prayer of sleep tonight, coffee isn’t the way to go. Instead he starts making hot chocolate, the right way, not the powder crap.   
He heats milk and puts some chocolate into it when it’s hot enough, then pours it into his favorite mug, cradling it in his hands. It makes him ache for his mother, this was how she used to make it, when he was little. He wanders back to the living room and curls into the arm chair he found the jacket on, burrowing into the soft smell, hoping for comfort. He sits like that for a long time, sipping the hot chocolate and crying quietly.   
"Sir, might I recommend texting James?" JARVIS asks. Tony shakes his head.   
"Don't wanna be a bother." He mumbles, blinking back some tears.   
"Then might I suggest waking a team member?" JARVIS pleads. Tony shakes his head again.   
"They deserve to sleep." He says, curling closer into the chair and pulling the jacket as tight around himself as possible. He finishes the hot chocolate, and leans down, setting the mug down next to the chair. He folds his arms over his bent knees and buries his face in them, doing his best to keep his sobs quiet. His pain is pounding through his head, he’s so focused on keeping this panic attack at bay that he doesn’t hear the elevator open. He also doesn’t notice JARVIS speaking to the person who just stepped into the dark living room.   
"Thank you for coming Sergeant Barnes. I have not seen sir this bad in a while." JARVIS says softly.  
"No problem, J. I'm glad you told me." Bucky says as he starts across the room toward the chair where Tony is huddled. His heart aches when he hears the quiet sobs and the way Tony is burrowed in Bucky's leather jacket.   
"Tony?" He says softly, not wanting to startle the other man. Tony doesn’t move, just continues to cry. Bucky debates for a few moments what to do, he doesn’t want to scare Tony by touching him, but the man looks like he could use a hug. He hesitantly reaches out and places a hand on Tony's shoulder, crouching next to the chair. The man stiffens and lifts his head, turning it away while he wipes his face. Then he turns toward Bucky. His face pained and pinched looking, but he smiles weekly.   
"Hey Robocop. Come to get your jacket?" He asks, starting to peel out of the jacket.   
"No doll. I'm here to check on you." He murmurs. Tony freezes, and swipes at his eyes again.   
"I told JARVIS not to wake anyone." Tony says, glaring at the nearest camera.   
"He didn’t wake me, darlin. I got up for some water and JARVIS said that you might need some help." Bucky says slowly, rubbing his hand on Tony's back in soothing circles. Tony blinks at him slowly, trying to hold back the tears. Bucky seems to be debating something. He stands suddenly and leans forward, scooping Tony easily into his arms. Tony squeaks indignantly, as Bucky carries him to the couch. Bucky sits down settling Tony, before shifting and lying long ways along the couch, pulling Tony against his chest, rubbing soothing circles along his back. Tony stays ridged.   
"I'm not gonna hurt ya doll. Just hold ya. You’re safe, I got you." Bucky murmurs, that Brooklyn accent making his words smoother and softer. Tony sighs and relaxes a bit.   
"There ya go. Deep breaths. You're safe Tony. I got ya, nothing can get to ya." Bucky continues, and Tony squeezes his eyes shut, listening to the rumble of Bucky's voice and his steady heartbeat in his chest. Bucky must be able to feel the way Tony's breath quickens and his heart picks up as the panic swirls closer, because he holds him tighter and his soothing circles on Tony’s back have more pressure, which helps ground Tony.  
"Shhh easy doll. Deep breath. Breathe with me ok?" Bucky says before taking a deep breath, his chest rising and then falling in a slow rhythm. "That’s good Tony." Bucky says when Tony mirrors the movement. "A couple more, count to four as you breathe in, and four as you breathe out." He says, breathing deep again. Tony matches his breaths with Bucky's. It takes a few minutes before Tony can fully match it and not take a shallower breath than Bucky.   
"Good, you’re doing great Tony." Bucky sooths, hands never stopping their rhythm on Tony's back. "I used to have to breathe like this with Stevie, back when he was an asthmatic little punk." Bucky chuckles, stroking Tony's back in a steady rhythm Tony can match his breath to as he talks. "He used to get so worked up he couldn’t breathe, so I'd have to talk him through breathing like this. He hated it, hated needing to be taken care of, although turns out that he doesn’t care if it's a beefy blonde god." Bucky chuckles. Tony laughs softly at that too.  
Bucky shifts a bit to get more comfortable, and brushes aside some of Tony's sweat damp hair. "He's still gettin' int' trouble though." Bucky continues, Tony is well aware what he’s doing, talking to distract Tony. But he finds that listening to Bucky's voice, his heart beat and the soothing stroke of his hands, coupled with the scent of him is doing wonders for the panic threatening to shut Tony down. "His sense of justice is so strong he cares nothing about his own safety. It's gonna get him killed someday." Bucky says, but there isn’t any bite to his words.   
"I let him get hit today." Tony whispers, so quiet he is sure that if Bucky hadn't been a super soldier with enhanced hearing he wouldn’t have heard.   
"What doll?" He asks, sounding surprised.  
"If I had moved a little faster, Spiderman, Sam and Steve wouldn’t have gotten hit." Tony says, just as soft, pulling the jacket closer, as though to hide.   
"Hey now. Shhh. It isn’t your fault, they are all fine. You personally saw Spiderman to medical and stood outside the room while he was checked and cleared. You pulled Sam from the water, and Steve bounced right back up. It's ok Tony. You can’t be everywhere at once in a fight, and none of them blame you." Bucky sooths, pulling Tony closer when he notices the other man is crying again. "Hey there sweetheart. It's ok. Shhhh. Stevie is upstairs, asleep, drooling all over Thor, who I might add, is snoring so loud I could hear him from my apartment. JARVIS where is Sam?" Bucky asks quietly.   
"Airman Wilson is asleep in his rooms, Sergeant Barnes. A quick scan indicated he is in REM sleep." JARVIS answered.   
"Great, and do you know where Spiderman is?" Bucky asks, holding Tony close.   
"He is asleep in his home in Queens I believe."   
"See sweetheart? They are all ok, sleeping soundly, safe in their beds." Bucky whispers. Tony nods against his chest but doesn’t stop crying. "And if you think Thor will let anything happen to his Steven, you don’t know that god at all." Bucky says, which make Tony chuckle wetly.   
"It just…. This just all triggered my PTSD about...about the portal in New York a few years ago." Tony hiccups. Bucky pulls him as close as possible, and then flips on the couch so Tony is sandwiched between the back of the couch and Bucky's sturdy chest.  
Bucky grabs a throw pillow, which he crams under his head, and then tucks Tony tightly under his chin. He tucks the leather jacket tightly around the smaller man’s body and resumes rubbing his back. Tony blinks in confusion for a moment and then melts in to Bucky.   
"There you go darlin'. You wanna talk about it?" Bucky ask, burying his nose in Tony's hair. Tony is quiet for a long time, crying softly.   
"I…. I." Tony pauses to take a deep breath. Bucky keeps his breathing even and waits for Tony to speak again. "I think it was SHIELD, I don’t remember. Any way they sent a nuke at New York during the whole Loki debacle. It would have killed everyone in the city, including the Avengers. There was only one option really." Tony's whole body shudders, and Bucky holds him tighter. "So, I flew out to meet the nuke and sent it through the portal. I had to follow it through to make sure it actually got there. But the suit shorted out, and the arc reactor stopped. I was falling, unable to move, feeling my heart stutter. And I was just staring up at thousands of those aliens. And the portal was closing, and then I was falling out of the sky instead of space, and I couldn’t get the suit going again, and no one could hear me. I was just screaming and falling."   
Tony shuddered again and burrowed closer to Bucky. Tears stain his shirt, and Tony's fists grab the soft fabric of the t-shirt and just sobs into it. "I just kept seeing Pep and Rhodey's faces, and the team, and feeling like I had failed them. And now I see other faces in the flashback, other people I am letting down, all the time." Tony sobs into Bucky. "And I heard Howard's voice in my head, telling me I'm a disappointment and a screw up. That I'm worthless." Tony sobs, and Bucky has to work to suppress a protective growl. Instead, he nuzzles the other man’s head and holds him as close as possible.   
"You are not worthless honey." Bucky says after a moment, tipping Tony's head back to look at him. Tony's dark eyes are swimming in tears, some spilling down his cheeks, and Bucky uses the metal hand to brush them aside. "You aren’t a screw up, and you sure as hell aren’t a disappointment. You are brilliant, kind, funny, compassionate, self-less, and important. Howard was an ass if he couldn't realize that." Bucky says, watching the way doubt flares in the other man’s dark eyes. "Tony, you are so important, you are vital to this team. Howard didn't deserve you darlin'. If he missed the brilliant, wonderful, amazing gift of a person you are, then that is his loss. You are so much more than what he said to you. I swear to you Tony, you matter and you are important." Bucky whispers fervently, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Tony's forehead. He tucks him back under his chin. "It’s ok if you don’t believe me right now darlin'. But it’s true." He whispers, dropping another kiss to Tony's hair.   
Tony hiccups again, and after a few moments’ hesitation, tangles his legs with Bucky's and cuddles closer. His tears slow as Bucky combs through his hair with silver fingers and murmurs old war stories about the Commandos or nice words about Tony.   
Tony starts to drift off, and when Bucky softly starts singing the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan, Tony closes his eyes and gives in to the exhaustion tugging on his body.   
Bucky sighs softly when he realizes that Tony has fallen asleep. His skin is hot, and there are still tears on his face and in his eyelashes.   
"I got you, Anthony. I got you honey." He whispers, then glances at the ceiling.   
"How did you figure it out JARVIS?" He asks, voice barely loud enough to be heard. JARVIS dims the lights.   
Bucky lied earlier, when he said he had gotten up for water. JARVIS had woken him, saying not very kindly that James had better get downstairs and help Tony. No one but Anthony called him James.  
"I traced the number sir had been texting all the time." The AI says, very softly.   
"You won't tell him, right?" Bucky asks, stroking Tony's hair softly.   
"Of course not, James. Not unless you put him in danger." Bucky smiles.   
"Thank you." 

Tony wakes up slowly, delightfully warm and comfortable. He doesn’t open his eyes, just burrows in to the pillow.   
"Natasha if you don’t shut up I will murder you." Bucky snaps from somewhere nearby. That is confusing but not enough to prompt Tony to open his eyes.  
"I'd like to see you try Barnes." Natasha hisses.   
"Come on Buck its nearly noon. And you are in the common room, we can’t be quiet forever." Steve says. Tony frowns slightly and burrows deeper. Why the hell is the whole damn team in his bedroom?!   
"Ah come now, Steven. Let Stark sleep, besides I think they look cute together don't you?" Thor booms as usual.   
"Yikes Barnes! Looking a little Winter Soldiery there!" Barton cries.  
"I can't sleep Point Break, Katniss if you both keep yelling!" Tony grumbles, and then feels arms tighten around him. Odd, he doesn’t remember being with anyone last night.   
"See Barnes! He's already up, I can watch my movie now!" Nat cries triumphantly. Clint whoops and the couch (Tony can tell it’s the couch now) moves as he presumably vaults over it. Tony groans.   
"Sorry doll. Tried to let you sleep as long as possible." Bucky murmurs. Tony sighs, and then pulls back and squints into the bright light in the room. Then the previous night catches up to him and he flushes. Sure enough, Tony is still wrapped in the leather jacket, and he’s still cuddled in Bucky's arms. Though, this morning they are lying with Bucky on his back and Tony curled on his chest.  
"Mornin'." Bucky drawls when Tony finally meets his eyes. Tony blushes deeper, and moves to sit up. Bucky lets him, moving with him and gently rubbing his back.   
"How're you feelin?" He asks gently.   
"I’m thirsty as hell but fine." Tony says, looking down, and avoiding eye contact with the rest of the team.   
"Don't worry Tones, Barnes told us nothin happened." Sam calls from the kitchen. Steve leans over the back of the couch and hands him a glass of water. Tony downs it and then sighs, Steve takes the glass and refills it without being asked.   
Clint grins at Tony from where he is leaning against Nat's legs.   
"We are gonna watch Star Trek, you wanna join?" He says. Tony nods, smiling at Clint. Steve gives him the refilled glass and then he and Thor collapse onto the love seat together. Sam is in the arm chair Nat isn’t, which leaves Bucky and Tony on the couch. Tony sits rigidly all the way through the previews (which Clint insists on watching) and the opening credits. But then with a huff, Bucky gently tugs Tony into his side, and nuzzles at his ear.   
"Just let me hold ya doll. You and I both know that neither of us gets enough physical contact." Tony can’t argue with that, so he tucks his legs underneath himself and leans in to Bucky. And it’s really nice, being held like that. He lets himself pretend they are a couple and then immediately feels guilty.   
James, Tony is pretty sure he is in love with James. Despite having never met the man, and not knowing what he looks like. But James seems to understand Tony better than anyone else. And he never seems to judge him, and is very good at dealing with all of Tony's stress and PTSD. Tony shakes off the thoughts. James isn’t here, Bucky is, and being in his arms is wonderful and Tony does not want to ruin that. 

It becomes a thing between them after that. During movie nights they cuddle on the couch. On the jet home from missions they curl up together and one of them if not both usually nods off on flights more than 45 minutes.  
It’s nice, both of them are so touch starved, Bucky from 70 years of living as the Asset, and Tony from a childhood with Howard. Tony finds that they reach for each other all the time, at dinner, passing in the halls, even in battle they will reach out and clasp hands before racing back into the fray. Tony doesn’t know why he hasn’t told James.   
He isn’t ashamed of it, but for whatever reason he never tells James. Which bothers him because James knows literally everything else about him (aside from the fact that he is Iron Man and the one and only Anthony Edward Stark). He wants to talk about it, but for some reason can't seem to bring it up. He guesses he’s afraid of losing James after the month and a half of silence. But Tony never resists, never wants to pull away when Bucky pulls him into his arms and whispers sweet things to him. Never objects when Bucky calls him doll, or darlin, or sweetheart, or literally any other cute pet name. He doesn’t want to, because he's falling hard for Bucky. And he's in love with James, which is confusing. He just pretends it’s not happening most of the time, smiles every time James texts him, and makes grabby hands at Bucky whenever he sees him. What’s worse, is the texts with James are getting flirtier, and Tony has never been happier.  
//from James: Have a good time at dinner with your son tonight! Wish me luck, my best friend asked if we could have dinner alone, which is code for he needs to talk to me.  
//to James: Good Luck!!!! Need me to call with an emergency and get you out of it?   
//from James: Nah, I'm pretty sure I know what it’s about. I have been textin and grinnin at my phone like an idiot an awful lot.   
//to James: oh, you textin some pretty girl?   
//from James: more like a handsome man ;)   
//to James: Stop it I'm blushing  
//from James: :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I just wanted to first of all apologize for not responding to comments this past week, I have been so exhausted and mentally kinda rough. School is back in full swing and I'm a double major, so yay for lack of free time! I just wanted to let you all know that I love you all and I'm so grateful for all the support and kudos and comments! I promise they mean a lot to me, I just haven't had the time to give them the appreciation they deserve.   
> Also, some of you responded to the question I asked last update about a Thundershield companion to this. I have started that probably a thousand ways and my brain just won't write it. However, fear not! I am writing a different Thundershield fic, as well as another Winteriron fic, so stay tuned! I am actually really excited about both of them and can't wait to share them!   
> Also, guess what? Another double update!! Yay!

"Tony!" Peter cries excitedly when he answers the door the next Wednesday. Tony grins and hugs back when Peter throws his arms around him before dashing back into the apartment.   
"Will you read through this, make sure it makes sense?" He asks, handing Tony a paper. Tony chuckles and nods, sitting in his usual spot at the table, pulling out his glasses and starting to read.   
"Hey Tony." May calls, breezing into the room. "How’s it goin?"   
"Good! Pepper’s been keepin’ me busy at SI and the city keeps getting attacked. You know normal stuff." He says, with a grin, looking up at May. May laughs and grabs some silverware, dropping it on the table. Tony turns back to the report, he finishes when Peter and May set the food on the table. He passes the report back to Peter and accepts the glass of water May hands him.   
"It’s really good Peter! I would check some of your grammar, but other than that good job." Tony smiles, while Peter beams with the praise. May dishes the food up again, beef and broccoli with fried rice this time. They all dig in, while Peter tells them about his day.   
"So, Tony. Are you and Pepper going to get married?" Peter asks. Tony chokes on his water, and nearly coughs up a lung.   
"What? No, Pepper and I aren’t even together. She is dating my driver, Happy Hogan." Tony croaks when he can breathe again.   
"Told ya." May says, chuckling.   
"I was just curious; you and Pepper came to meet me together that first time. And you talk about her a lot." Peter says with a shrug but he’s blushing.   
"I'm not mad, Peter. We were together for a while but then we decided we are better as friends. I'm not currently seeing anyone." Tony says. Peter nods and they eat in silence for a moment. Peter’s about to speak when Tony's phone screeches in his pocket, causing all of them to jump.   
"Sorry, that's the Avengers ring tone, I have to take this." Tony says, standing up and answering the call.   
"Sorry Tony. I know you are at your weekly board dinner thing, but there is something going down in little Italy." Steve says.  
"Of course there is. Robots?"  
"Yeah, we are about ten minutes out. Where are you?" Steve says. Tony leans over and shovels food into his mouth.   
"Queens." Tony mumbles around the bite. Peter and May are watching him with interest.   
"Jesus, Queens? Ok, how fast can you get here? Do you have a suit?" Steve asks, then yells:  
"Barton you can finish dinner when we get back! We gotta go! Bucky, what the hell are you wearing?" Tony chuckles  
"Yeah Spangles I got a suit. Please, it’s me I never leave home without one. I can be there in about ten minutes, counting time to be suited up." Tony says, chugging the rest of his water.   
"Great. See you in ten. Barton don’t start with me, Bucky, seriously, get dressed, sweatpants aren’t appropriate fighting gear! Jesus it's like herding cats." Steve sighs in exasperation and then hangs up. Tony pockets his phone and sighs.   
"Sorry guys, duty calls. You got a balcony or something?" He asks, stretching his arms, and rolling his shoulders.   
"Yeah, off my bedroom." May says.   
"Great. Thank you. I hate to rush out of here. Dinner was really great Peter, as always!" He grins, then follows May down the hall to her bedroom. He unbuttons his suit jacket and dumps it on a chair as he passes, it won’t fit in the suit, he’ll grab it later. May hurries over to the sliding glass door and opens it. Tony steps out onto the balcony and turns to grin at May and Peter who are watching from the doorway. He reaches for his watch and twists its face two turns to the right and one to the left. The Iron Man suit starts to unfold up his arm and around his body. Peter's mouth drops open.   
"We still on for the movie Friday night?" Tony asks. Peter nods, watching as the suit finishes materializing. May wishes him luck, Tony grins and flips the face plate down. He gives them both a thumbs up and then takes off.   
"Alright J, find the action. Any one’s comms up yet? Where is everyone?" Tony asks once he is shooting over Queens.   
"Right away sir. It looks to be localized to little Italy, right in the center of it. Sergeant Barnes, Agent Romanoff, and Captain Rogers all have their comms on. They are about three minutes away." Jarvis says.   
"Great. Activate mine." The HUD shows comms active. "Hello losers. Way to ruin my dinner."   
"Sorry Tony, you there yet?" Steve asks.   
"Nope, J. says I'm about 5 minutes out. You all are gonna beat me to it. Save me some action." Tony says.   
"Sir, Spiderman is requesting access to your comms."   
"Let him through. Hey Spiderman, decided to join the party? How’s the new suit?" Tony asks, spotting the kid swinging off buildings bellow him.   
"Oh, you know, it’s awesome! Thank you, Mr. Stark." Tony chuckles at the enthusiasm, he had given the kid a new suit after their last mission. Spiderman had told them he was 18 during said mission, and refuses to call anyone anything other than Ms. or Mr. followed by their superhero name. Ms. Widow is a favorite of the team’s, followed closely by Mr. Hulk.  
"I’ve told you kid. Call me Tony. Need a lift?" Tony asks. In response, Spiderman launches himself at Tony. Tony has to dive a bit to catch him but soon they are swooping off to the fight, Spiderman trailing behind Tony with a web like a weird kite.   
"I'm bringing Spiderman." Tony says into the comms, and laughs when he hears Clint whoop in excitement.   
"Hawkeye is excited you’re coming, kid." Tony says which makes Spiderman laugh. 

They show up about two minutes after the rest of the Avengers. And they land in a mess. The robots are the size of trash cans, and don’t look much better, and can shoot bullets as well as scalding lasers. They also have 6 legs and can climb buildings.   
There are hundreds of them, so it’s difficult to determine if they are controlled by a single signal or preprogrammed. It’s crazy. Falcon, Tony, and Spiderman are doing their best to pull the robots down from the buildings, trying to contain them in a five-block radius. Bucky, as the Winter Soldier, glare and mask included, is maintaining a perimeter from a roof top, Hawkeye and Widow are fighting on the streets with Captain America and Thor. It's difficult to tell if they’re winning or not.   
"Tony, do you have any idea how these things are controlled?" Steve asks, panting a bit from hurling his shield through at least a dozen of the things.   
"Nope. JARVIS is working on it, but it’s slow going." Tony says, firing repulsor blasts at some the robots attempting to break into a building.   
"J, anything?" He asks.   
"Yes, they appear to be controlled by a server located in the bodega over there." JARVIS says, indicating the bodega on the HUD "They look to be the work of an independent scientist with a grudge." Tony sighs. Of course they are.   
"Cap, they are coming from the bodega behind you, controlled by a single server."   
"Copy that, Hawkeye, get to the bodega and find the server and shut it down." Steve barks.   
"Your speck on your bow should be able to identify it." Tony says, firing at another of the robots. Hawkeye salutes and disappears into the building. It takes about ten minutes for him to find it. He shuts it down, and the robots fall, lifeless to the ground.   
The team whoops as Tony, Falcon, and Spiderman all land on the ground. Tony flips the face plate up and presses the release on the helmet. It falls away and Tony grins as the team just takes a minute to breathe. He presses his left wrist and the armor slowly starts to unfold. It's his emergency model so its tighter than usual and uncomfortable.   
The armor takes a while to refold back to the watch, its peeling away from his chest when several things happen at once. The first is that Natasha gasps, staring at something behind Tony. The second being that Cap surges forward with a cry of look out. But what sticks most is Bucky screaming "Tony look out!" at the same time Spiderman screams "Dad look!" both with panic in their voices. Tony turns around, there is a second of blinding pain and red light, and then the world goes dark. 

Tony is in agony; every breath feels like knives scraping in his throat. His chest feels likes it splitting open, like it did in Afghanistan. He floats in and out of consciousness, he wakes to pain and drifts off again to nothingness.   
He is vaguely aware of coming to and hearing a woman shouting and someone screaming back "He's my dad, I'm not going anywhere!!" Which doesn’t make sense, Tony isn’t anything more than pain. He must make a sound because the shouting turns more urgent and there’s the sound of running and then darkness again.   
Another time he wakes to someone crying, and there is a touch on his head, that hurts. The person crying is talking but it is confusing.   
"Anthony, you have to come back to us. We need you, I need you. Think about Peter. Your son needs you darlin. You hang in there, you can do it. I believe in you, and I love you baby. Please, don't leave us. The doctors say you need to fight, you can’t give up doll. I know you can do it Anthony, if you can't do it for yourself do it for your son. He hasn't left your side baby, and he needs you. I need you."   
That is confusing, Tony is nothing but pain and no one calls him Anthony. Except one person. His eyes fly open but see nothing in the glare of light, and he surges forward and screams for James. James can help him, James will save him from the pain. But then the world goes dark and silent again, leaving only the pain.   
Tony spends a long time in the dark, and then slowly comes back to himself. His chest hurts a lot, which causes a spike of panic, but he can tell by the brightness against his eyelids, the softness against his legs and back, and the smell of disinfectant that he isn’t in a cave. He can hear voices too, and he kind of just wants to sleep, the dark was exhausting but leaving it is also draining. But the voices push through the haze of pain, calling him back to consciousness.  
"Shhh, Peter. He wouldn’t want you to cry, come on." A voice says softly, trying to be soothing.   
"He's so still, I just met him and I…. I can’t lose him." a different voice croaks.   
"I know, Peter. I know. But he's a fighter. And the doctors say that it’s good that he isn't waking up so much anymore. It means the pain is less so he’s staying still to heal. I think that’s what he said. I don’t really know, but the doctor said not to worry so much, and I trust them. I wouldn’t let them near him if I didn’t." The first voice soothes.   
"It’s my fault, if I hadn't called him dad he wouldn’t have been distracted and turned." The second voice cries, pain and tears evident in his voice.   
"Hey, shhh no. You do not get to blame yourself you hear me? He would be so mad if he heard you say that. It is not your fault. I promise you."   
Tony is confused. He knows those voices, he knows he knows them. But it’s hard to place, and it’s harder to breathe. It feels like something is sitting on his chest, he can barely draw a breath. He swallows thickly and forces his eyes open. That itself is exhausting. He blinks a few times and looks around. He’s in the hospital, he can tell. He sees two people sitting in the chairs by the windows to the left of his bed.  
The voices click into place: Bucky is holding Peter close, while Peter sobs. They both are wearing comfortable clothes and have the tired look of people who haven't slept in days due to worry or grief. Tony wants to call out to them, but can’t seem to get his voice. Which is fine, he is glad to be able to look at them. Peter pulls away slightly and looks at Bucky.   
"You really think he'll be ok?" He murmurs. Bucky nods.   
"Yeah kid, I do. He's tough, he'll get through this. He survived Afghanistan, didn’t he? And going through the portal yeah?" Bucky says, handing Peter a tissue. Tony would smile if he could, but he's already so tired from the effort of opening his eyes and being conscious again. He lets them close, telling himself he'll just rest a minute and then call out to them. 

Tony realizes when he gains consciousness the next time that he must have fallen asleep again. Although he isn’t sure it was sleep or more just passing out. His chest still hurts a crap ton. And there are new voices talking again.   
"I wish I could make him go home, he needs to sleep in his bed." A woman’s voice says. "I can barely get him to go to school, he's so worried. Tony really never said anything to you guys?" She says.   
"I've given up trying to get Buck to leave for more than the length of a shower. He says he's slept on worse than the floor of a hospital and then he gives me the Winter Soldier glare which is terrifying and I’ve decided not to push it." A man says. The two laugh. "No, he never said anything. Bucky knew, I'm not sure how and so did Natasha, but the rest of us had no idea. I don’t blame him, we are not always the most accepting group, and we can be kinda pushy. but we were all so shocked when Spiderman called him dad." The woman sighs at that.   
"I'm not sure Peter has ever called him that to his face. He refers to him as his dad all the time to me but he was nervous Tony wasn’t ready, he didn’t want to scare him off. They are both so nervous around each other, Peter is so worried that Tony will be disappointed in him. And now he’s so scared of losing him." The woman says with a sigh. Tony lets himself drift off again. He trusts those voices, they will take care of things, and he’s so tired.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we are!!! At the angst!! And the big reveal!!!! Yay!!! I kinda love this chapter, and I really love the next two, but I'm gonna make you all wait for those because, as evidence by this fic, I love chaos!   
> I would like to say, before you read this that I study music and geography. I can tell you all about Mozart and landforms, but sadly those are not things that Tony nor Bucky are dealing with! So the medical shit in this chapter is 100% made up. If it's inaccurate I am sorry. But also it's my story so here we are.   
> Second disclaimer, nearly everyone in this is gay, and I am not apologizing for that. We get some Spideypool (kinda), it isnt creepy at all, I promise. You have to read it to see what I mean, but it isnt weird, they are like the same age. Also, I am awarer there are some things that need talking about and explained, and those things are wrapped up in the next two chapters. So hang in there.   
> So enjoy your double update and thank you all so much for reading!

Tony would like to add another note, before this next part. He would first of all like to apologize for acting like an idiot during this and for handling things poorly. He would also like to point out that he can’t really be blamed for said reaction because he was in the hospital. But he would like you readers to know that sometimes things have to go to shit before they can get better. He also asks that the readers try their best not to hate him for his actions. 

 

Tony wakes again later and feels much better, his lungs are no longer screaming, more like whining. His chest still hurts buts its less noticeable and he feels much more alert. It's darker in his room too, he can tell by the fainter glow on his eyelids. He opens his eyes with far less effort, and glances around. His room is dark, except for a small lamp on the table to his left.   
Bucky, Peter and a third teenager Tony doesn’t know are sitting around a table. They are playing some card game, talking and joking quietly. Bucky has deep bags under his eyes and his chin is covered in a scruffy beard. Peter doesn’t look much better, he has bags under his eyes too, and he's wearing an oversized t-shirt and hello kitty pj pants. The other teen has an arm draped over the back of Peter's chair and is wearing a hoodie with the hood up. Tony smiled softly, he's glad to see Bucky and Peter.   
"You look like shit Barnes." He croaks. Bucky turns toward the bed so quickly he falls out of his chair. Peter leaps up, bumping the table and sending cards raining toward the floor. The other kid turns and looks at the bed, their face shadowed. Bucky scrambles up and dashed toward Tony, while Peter does the same thing.   
"Tony, you’re awake." Bucky breathes reaching for his hand. Peter perches on the other side of the bed, gazing at Tony.   
"I seem to be, yes." Tony says. "Can I get some water?" Peter leaps up and rushes to the sink in the room to fill a cup and stick a straw in it. He brings it over and holds it while Tony drinks.   
"Thanks kid." Tony says softly, lying back on the pillows. He smiles at them.   
"It's so good to see your eyes doll." Bucky says. Tony grins and squeezes his hand. The other kid leans out the door into the hallway.   
"Ay, he's awake. Aren’t you guys supposed to call Captain Rogers or something?" They yell and then comes back and places a hand on Peter's shoulder. Peter reaches up and places his own over the other kid’s. A nurse comes bustling in, smiling widely.   
"Good to see you Mr. Stark, how are you feeling?" she asks. Tony smiles softly, and chuckles at the glare both Peter and Bucky shoot her when she shoos them aside to check Tony's vitals.   
"I feel like I ran into a brick wall as fast and hard as I could." Tony says. The nurse chuckles.   
"Understandable, take as deep a breath as you can manage for me sir." She says, placing her stethoscope on his chest. She has him repeat the process several times while she moves the stethoscope on several different places on his chest. "Well, lung capacity is still decreased but that should come back. The burns are healing nicely, there should be minimal scaring." She smiles, pats his shoulder, records some numbers from the machines on his chart and leaves with a nod to Bucky and Peter, who scamper back to the bed the second she's gone.   
Bucky reaches out and brushes some hair back from his face.   
"You scared us doll." He whispers. Tony nods, and reaches for Peter's hand. He takes it eagerly.   
"I’m sorry. How long have I been out?" Tony asks.   
"Two weeks." Peter says. Tony's eyebrows shoot up.   
"Two weeks?! I missed Christmas and New Year’s?? What the hell happened?" He demands, before sinking into a coughing fit. Peter gets him more water.   
"Hawkeye disabled the server and we all regrouped on the street. You had started to take off the armor when a robot behind you stood up and started to boot up a gun of some sort. You turned right into it as it fired, it hit you with this explosive the burst into flames the second it hit you. The suit saved you from too much damage, it started to reassemble the second you were hit. Thankfully Clint also had arrows that explode with water once they hit, he was able to put the fire out, but you were unconscious and barely breathing. We raced you to the hospital, you were in surgery for fourteen hours." Bucky stops, and looks at Peter who has a pained look on his face. "You were in and out of it for days. You'd wake up screamin and cryin. You…uh… you crashed three times. Your heart just stopped." Tony swallows, and squeezes both of their hands. "You woke up screamin’ for someone named James, Christmas morning, they tried to sedate you. That was the worst time, you crashed immediately after and they had to rush you to surgery again." Bucky has tears in his eyes and Peter does too.   
"I've been here almost the whole time Tony." Peter breathes. "May made me go back to school two days ago when it started after break but Bucky and I have been staying the night, every night. The other Avengers have been here too. So, has May and Pepper." Peter says.   
"And Rhodey was here for the first few days, but he was called back to the military." Bucky supplies. Tony nods and smiles. Its quiet for a few moments.   
"Peter, you gonna introduce me to your friend, or am I gonna have to keep wondering who my mystery guest is?" Peter turns to look up at the teen behind him. When he looks back at Tony he’s blushing.   
"Uh Tony, this is Wade Wilson, my…. Uh…." He trails off and cuts his eyes to Bucky. Bucky laughs.   
"You can tell him Peter. He won’t care." He says. Peter takes a deep breath.   
"He's my boyfriend. He's a junior at Queens High." Peter says.   
"Wade, this is Tony Stark, my dad." Tony lifts his hand from Peter's to shake Wades. The kid’s hand is rough and textured with scars but Tony just smiles at the boy, he also has scars all over his face. But Tony doesn’t care, he can tell how devoted the two are to each other, based on the fond way they have been looking at each other.  
"Nice to finally meet you." Wade says. Tony smiles, and then yawns.   
"Get some sleep, doll." Bucky says. Tony nods and turns to look at Peter.   
"Go get some sleep, kid. At home, in your own bed. I'm fine." Tony says. Peter frowns at him.   
"Tell you what, baby boy." Wade says. "I'll take you home, and then I'll come back and sit here if that’s ok with your old man, and call you if anything happens." Peter looks hesitant.   
"I don’t like that he called me an old man. Bucky is older than me. But I'm ok with that plan. Go home Peter. It's ok." Peter looks unsure, but Bucky nods and so does Tony, so Peter relents.   
"Can I hug you?" He asks, Tony nods. Peter gives him a gentle hug and then Wade and Peter leave. Tony sighs.   
"Do all the Avengers know about him?" Tony asks.   
"He kind of gave it away when he called you dad before you got hit." Bucky says. Tony sighs.   
"When I'm feeling better don't let me forget to lecture him about the whole Spiderman issue." Tony says. Bucky chuckles.   
"Sure, thing darlin’." He says, brushing Tony's hair off his forehead. "Tony I gotta tell you somethin." Tony frowns at Bucky worried. "I know it’s a really bad time, but I…. I can’t wait any longer. Watching your heart stop three times was hell. I'm hopelessly in love with you darlin’. Have been for a while, and I was gonna wait to tell ya. But after watching all of that, and hearin you scream and cry, I have to tell you. I love you Tony. So so much." Bucky says softly. Tony blinks, surprised. That was unexpected.   
"Bucky… I don’t know what I would do without you. And I am so glad you are here, so so glad. But, I think I'm in love with someone else. I’m so sorry." Tony says, looking away from Bucky. "You said I screamed for James? I've been texting a James for months now. We met through some online texting app for people with mental health issues. And he knows more about me than anyone else and I think I'm in love with him." Tony turns back to Bucky. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." Tony says and then he bursts into tears. Bucky reaches out and shushes him, gently stroking his cheek and his hair.   
"Shhhh Tony, its ok. Hey now, its fine. It’ll all be ok. Shhh just rest." But suddenly Tony can't breathe and he starts gasping for breath, the fire in his chest starting again. Bucky screams for the nurse and then everything goes dark again. 

When Tony wakes up, Bucky is gone. So are Peter and Wade. Instead Steve and Bruce are sitting in the room reading. Tony clears his throat and both of them jump up. Steve gets him some water.   
"How are you feeling Tony?" He asks.   
"Better, where are Bucky and Peter?" Tony asks.   
"Peter is at school, and ah…. Bucky decided to go home for a while." Bruce says. Tony sighs, understanding that. Bruce fills him in on what happened, Tony's lungs seized due to some complicated blood thing the Bruce understood and Tony doesn’t, and they had to intubate him for two days. But the doctors are hopeful that that was the last of it, his vitals stabilized quickly and his blood oxygen levels rose after intubation and now his lung capacity is almost back to normal.   
Tony sleeps a lot over the next few days, but every time he wakes up Bucky is never there. The others say he was, but he never is when Tony wakes up. Peter and Wade come back after school every day, but Tony makes Peter sleep at home every night, something May greatly appreciates.   
The doctors insist that Tony has to stay in the hospital for at least another week after he wakes up after the intubation, to make sure that he really is feeling better. The Avengers cycle through who stays the night with Tony, all knowing how much he hates being here, and they hint that Bucky comes after Tony falls asleep and leaves again before he wakes up.   
Two days after Tony was intubated, he texts James.   
//to James: Hey there stranger. I'm sorry I've been distant, I’m in the hospital.   
//from James: I know, your uh… friend texted me, the one who signed you up for the site.   
//to James: oh good. I was worried you had been sitting here thinking I hated you.   
//from James: I would never think that Anthony. How are you feeling?  
//to James: Better. I want to meet you. When I was first hospitalized, I apparently screamed for you in my haze of pain. I think I love you and I want to meet you. Say yes?  
//from James: I don’t know Anthony, I think I love you too but that is a big step. What about hot roommate?  
//to James: that’s fair. Hot roommate doesn’t matter, I care about you. But I understand. Sorry, shouldn’t have asked.   
//from James: Don't do that Anthony, don’t dismiss your feelings. When do you want to meet?  
//to James: Really? You want to meet me? Tomorrow lunch time? Sister of Mercy Hospital, room 337.   
//from James: of course, I want to meet you, I'm still not sure I'll come but I will do my best. Get some rest Anthony.   
//to James: I will, see you tomorrow. 

Tony supposes it's really lucky that Clint is the one that is sitting with him near lunch time the next day. (Although in hindsight it is really obvious that it isn’t luck at all). He gets really excited when Tony tells him and he agrees to sit outside just in case, although he has a mischievous glint in his eye that makes Tony more nervous.   
//from James: Just got here. I'm bringing you roses and I'm wearing a red henley.   
//to James: I can’t wait.   
Tony is fidgeting in the hospital bed when the door opens. He eagerly looks up to find Bucky standing there, blue eyes heavily guarded.   
"Bucky! Hey! Look I'm really happy to see you but I'm about to meet someone." Tony says, peering around Bucky. Bucky sighs, and sets a bouquet of roses on the table that Tony hadn’t noticed, then removes his jacket. Tony blinks, he's wearing a red henley.   
"I know you are." Bucky says, looking down at his shoes. Tony's eyes widen.   
"James." Tony breathes.   
Bucky sighs and nods. "I know this is surprising." Bucky says, dropping himself into a chair across the room and watching Tony nervously.  
"YOU"RE JAMES??" Tony cries, angry and confused. Bucky flinches.   
"Yeah, James is my first name." He points out.   
Tony feels like an idiot. How could he have missed it, the prosthetic, the freaking name. Tony groans and drops his head into his hands.   
"Did you know who I was the entire time, or did you figure it out when I told you the hospital room number?" Tony asks softly.   
"I…. Uh… I didn’t know the entire time, but I found out the night you went to go meet Peter the first time." Bucky whispers. Tony's head snaps up and he gapes at Barnes.   
"You have known for three and a half months?!?!" Tony is shocked. How could Bucky, no James, no JAMES FUCKING BUCHANAN BARNES know for three and a half months?!?!?! Tony is humiliated,  
mortified.   
"I told you things I have never told anyone else, I told you about Peter the same fucking night I found out! I…. I trusted you, and you have known who I was for nearly four fucking months?!" Tony screams, Clint appears in the doorway but Bucky shakes his head and he leaves again. "Why the hell didn't you say anything to me?!" Tony snaps, tears gathering in his eyes. Barnes looks down, looking miserable.   
"I…. I was afraid you would react like this." He whispers. "I was worried you would hate me again, and you had said that I meant something to you, that you hadn't felt like you could be this open with someone in a long time. And I knew that you, that if you knew that it was me…." Barnes sighs. "I didn’t want to take that from you, and then I fell for you. And I thought that maybe you loved me too. I figured I'd tell you eventually, maybe take you out. I don’t know. I kind of assumed that you knew, I know Stevie has called me James before." Tony snorts. "Tony, I kept it from you because I didn't want to hurt you!" Barnes cries, turning pained eyes on Tony. Tony scowls.   
"Sure, because keeping your fucking identity secret from me for three and a half goddammed months doesn’t hurt me!!" Tony snaps.   
"I kind of thought you knew." Barnes repeats. "And then you told me you were in love with James and I knew I was screwed." He whispers. Tony feels like his heart is shattering into a million pieces. He turns his face away to hide the tears in his eyes. His chest hurts again, he doesn’t know if it’s from the injury or trying not to sob.   
"Get out." Tony says.   
"What? No, Tony please. We can work through this! I am James, I'm the same person you’ve been texting all these months. Anthony please." Barnes cries, anguish in his voice. He lunges for the bed and grabs Tony's hand. Tony wrenches it out of his gasp.   
"Do not call me that. You do not get to call me that. Get out. I don't want to see you." Tony feels his voice break on the words, and tears are pouring down his face. Barnes doesn’t move.  
"Anthony..." He tries one more time, pain in his voice.   
"I said GET OUT!!!" Tony screams. And then dissolves into a coughing fit. Nurses rush in, and Clint comes and drags Barnes away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at this, second to last chapter! I hope you all have enjoyed this as much as I have! I know that we still have some things that still need resolving, which will happen in the last chapter, I promise. Thank you all for reading, really it means so much to me that this has been so well received! Stay tuned for more from me, I have a long ass Thundershield work coming your way, as well as more Winteriron because I love them. Enjoy this chapter, a little bit of a filler before we can have the next chapter and the conclusion! Aslo, as I've said before I think, I am no doctor, so if Tony's medical stuff seems far-fetched or inaccurate that is because it is and I made it up.

Tony stays in the hospital for four more days. Barnes doesn’t come back. Steve says he tried to move out of the tower, and Steve had to physically stop him. He asks Tony what happened between them, but Tony only says that Barnes doesn’t have to move, and then tells Steve he is going to nap. Peter and Wade come back and play cards a lot. May visits too. But at night Tony shoos everyone home, and curls around himself and cries into his pillow.   
The morning Tony is discharged, Natasha and Clint come to take him home.   
"I'm impressed Captain Mother Hen isn’t here hovering." Tony says, as the doctors check his burns around the arc reactor. Clint and Tasha share a look.   
"Bucky found the guy responsible for the attack that put you here." Natasha says, carefully packing up some of the get-well cards. "He and Steve got clearance to go track him down and bring him back for a trial. Barnes wanted to go by himself but Steve was a little worried he'd kill the dude, so they went together. He went kinda full Winter Soldier when he found out." She says. Tony nods, and then pulls on the hoodie Clint hands him.   
"Now Mr. Stark, no wearing the suit for another month, no combat, no strenuous activity what so ever. In fact, I strongly urge you to work from home, preferably from in bed. Your lungs need as much time as possible to fully recover, and those burns are still very sensitive, the new skin will tear and break much easier so be careful. I will see you back in two weeks to monitor your progress." The doctor says, peeling off his gloves. Tony sarcastically salutes him.   
"He has a whole team of superheroes to make sure he follows orders." Clint says, which makes the doctor smirk.   
"Thank you, Mr. Barton, that is the only reason I am letting him go home now." Tony rolls his eyes and follows Clint and Nat out of the hospital. Happy picks them up, and pulls Tony into a bone crushing hug when they walk out to the car. The drive to the tower is quiet. Tony can tell that Clint wants to talk about something, but Nat keeps shooting him looks that silence him. Tony sighs.   
"Clint just spit it out already." Tony says, not turning away from the window. Clint sighs.   
"I told only Nat about what happened with Barnes." Clint says softly. Tony nods, still not looking at him. "But…. Uh, can I ask why you were so mad?" He asks. Tony sighs and looks at the two superheroes, Nat's face is carefully blank, but Clint's is confused.   
"He knew who I was for almost four months, and he never said anything. He let me tell him things about myself that no one else knows. He knew about Peter hours after I found out about him. He knew that I barely sleep, that I have PTSD from New York and Loki. He became my best friend and I had no idea who he was, but he knew who I was. He knew, and he didn’t say anything and he let me fall for him and still didn’t say anything." Tony says, tears pricking his eyes again. “He says he thought I knew but that’s bullshit, he should have told me. I feel like I don’t know him anymore and that I can’t trust him. He fucking knew! And he couldn’t be bothered to say anything or tell me anything, he just lied to me as two different people, became my best friend and didn’t tell me because he’s selfish.” He aggressively wipes at his face and then turns back toward the window. It's silent for the rest of the drive.   
Tony hates to admit it but he's exhausted and humiliated, so when Nat and Clint get him settled in his penthouse, he curls up on the couch and falls asleep.   
Tony wakes up when Nat gently shakes him. She hands him a warm bowl of soup, sits quietly with him while he drinks it. Then she helps him to his bedroom.   
"Sleep well Tones." She says kissing his cheek. "JARVIS will get one of us if you need us in the night." She gives his shoulder a squeeze and walks out of the penthouse. Tony goes and takes a shower. He wants a bath, standing for that long makes him tired, but after Afghanistan he can't bare standing water alone like that. He and Pepper would sometimes take baths together but he can't manage them alone. He pads to his bedroom and pulls on a pair of Captain America sweatpants afterwards.  
He roots through his closet looking for Rhodey's old MIT sweatshirt. It’s well-worn and soft and huge but he can’t seem to find it, although that is likely due to the fact that bending over is painful, which limits his searching ability. He huffs after a few minutes and searches his dresser for a different hoodie. The team usually finds their stolen clothing relatively easily so Tony rarely holds on to it for longer than a week or two once he’s snagged it. He has to stop and sit on the bed a minute and catch his breath, frustrated that he can’t find anything from the others. That's when he notices a lump under his pillows. He reaches over and removes the pillow.   
Folded under the pillow is a red henley, with a note resting on the front. Tony picks it up. 

Tony, 

Buck asked me to put this in your room for you, said something about when you came home from the hospital you'd want something soft and comfortable. He said his leather jacket probably wouldn't work, but that this should. He wouldn't tell me why, except saying that you had mentioned to him one time that you like sleeping in other people’s clothes after a hospital stay because it makes you feel safe. He then panicked and tried to move out again, so I’m not sure what’s up with him.   
We are headed to track down the man behind those stupid robots. I am not sure how long we will be gone, or how easy we will be to get a hold of. Take care of yourself. Listen to your doctors, get plenty of rest and eat right! 

-Steve Rogers.

Tony wants to be mad that Barnes remembered that, he had told James that, about the clothes, during a bad night for both of them. Tony had been snuggled into Clint’s old college hoodie then, and James had been spiraling, so Tony had started rambling about how much he liked curling up in his teammate’s clothes.   
Tony wants to be pissed and to throw the Henley in the garbage. And he does throw it across the room. But he hurts. His pain killers are a very low dose because he isn’t going down that road again. He thinks he might start crying, so he sets the note on the bedside table and crawls shirtless into bed.   
He lies that way for an hour before finally conceding to the cold and crossing to where the Henley lies forgotten and pulls it on.  
Its soft, well worn. There are a few rips on the elbow of the left sleeve from the metal arm. The cuffs are all stretched out and soft from Bucky pushing the sleeves up around his elbows. It smells like him and Tony pulls it up to his nose and breathes deeply. He does cry then, tears slipping down his cheeks. He pulls the covers down and curls into the center of the bed. He pulls one of the pillows against his back and tucks the blankets up to his chin. Tony pulls his hands into the sleeves and tucks them around his face so he can fall asleep breathing in Barnes scent, and then sobs harder than he ever has in his life, taking second only to when his mother died. Funny how the two most painful moments in his life lead to Barnes. He sobs so hard he chokes several times, but the tears don’t stop until he finally falls asleep, the Henley damp around his neck and wrists from the pain.

Tony sleeps for nearly 11 hours and wakes feeling warm and content, which is not how he usually feels after sobbing his eyes out. He sighs, and burrows deeper into the blankets. He's secretly delighted to find that the shirt still smells like Barnes. He pulls it around his face and turns toward the windows to admire the view. One entire wall of his bedroom is windows that can be darkened with a simple command to JARVIS. He loves the view of the city he has from here, and loves lying in bed just enjoying the morning light.   
"Good Morning sir. Agent Romanoff had asked me to notify her when you woke up and she is on her way up." JARVIS says. Tony nods and sits up. He stretches, and heads to the bathroom, where he carefully takes off the shirt. He hangs it on the back of the door, and then goes to his closet and pulls on a SI hoodie. He pads out to the living room and settles on the couch waiting for Nat.   
"Morning Tones!" She says cheerfully, sweeping into the room carrying some grocery bags, followed by a grumpy Clint. Tony yawns in answer.   
"Tony, she bought chocolate milk and wont share any with her doting boyfriend!" Clint cries, flopping on to the couch.   
"You, my dear, were not the one hurt by a robot." Nat calls from the kitchen. "You want pancakes or waffles Tony?" She asks, leaning on the island. Tony twists around to stare at her over the back of the couch.   
"Are these whole wheat healthy pancakes, or Bisquick?" Tony asks. Nat scoffs.   
"Whole wheat of course." Clint makes a face at that.   
"And what are the chances of you adding chocolate chips to them?" Tony asks. Nat grins, reaches over to the grocery bag and pulls out a bag of mini chocolate chips.   
"I'd say pretty high."   
Clint and Tony both cheer and Tasha turns to start pancakes. Clint pulls a pillow into his lap and grabs the remote.   
"What do you wanna watch Tones?" He asks. Tony shrugs.   
"Baking show? But not the one Thor is always yelling about, like an actual baking or cooking show?" Clint laughs and pulls up the latest season of Cupcake Wars.   
"Don’t you two have stuff you need to be doing?" Tony asks. "Not that I want to spend the day by myself but I'm the only one who’s benched."   
"Well, Bruce is down at SHIELD helping examine some of those robots and the sea monster DNA. Thor is off world, visiting family, but swears that Heimdall is keeping an eye on New York and will return should there be trouble." Clint says.   
"And we volunteered to keep you out of trouble and away from SI and your 'shop." Nat calls from the kitchen. Tony nods and relaxes into the couch. Then his phone buzzes on the coffee table. Out of habit Tony reaches for it.   
//from James: Good Morning Anthony or Tony. Sorry, shouldn’t have called you that. Sorry. I am so sorry about this whole mess. I haven’t slept since I told you, which I don’t say to guilt you into talking to me. I say it because I am so disgusted with myself for what I did. I shouldn’t have kept it from you for so long, and I shouldn’t have let it continue if I was unwilling to share myself. It was selfish and I am so so sorry. I hope you had a good first night back home. Did you sleep well? I am not expectin you to answer, so don’t worry, and I don’t expect your forgiveness. Stevie and I are close to catchin that guy who did this to you, but I don’t know how long we will be here. Take care of yourself.   
Tony sighs and puts the phone back on the table.   
"That Barnes?" Nat asks, handing Clint and Tony plates with pancakes, blueberries, and oranges. Tony nods, as Clint makes a disgusted face. "Quit your whining boys, I expect you both to eat everything on those plates." She says sitting next to Clint, who grumbles some more but then scarfs down the fruit so that he can get to the pancakes as fast as possible. They sit like that for most of the morning, watching Cupcake Wars and chatting quietly.   
"You gonna answer him?" Nat asks, nodding toward Tony's phone still sitting on the table. Tony sighs.   
"No. I'm still mad." Nat nods and shrugs.   
Bruce comes up and joins them after lunch (Salad with grilled chicken that Nat made, and Clint bitched about). They all sit around watching tv, and it's nice. Just relaxing like this with the team makes Tony happy, they hardly seem to do this enough. He tries very hard not to miss Bucky, not to reach for his phone to text James/Bucky. Instead he dozes off against Nat's shoulder.   
He wakes up to quiet, the tv is off and he is stretched on the couch, tucked under a blanket. He stretches and cuddles into the blanket, listening to the quiet conversation behind him.   
"I am no scientist, you’ll have to wait till Tony wakes up." Nat is saying, Tony can hear someone typing on a lap top at his kitchen island.   
"Yeah alright. I thought he wasn’t supposed to sleep this much once he came home?" Peter asks.   
"The doctor said that he will be tired for a few days while he continues to heal. He suffered some bad burns, that takes a lot out of a person." Natasha explains.   
"Did they tell you about that time he woke up screaming?" Peter whispers after a moment. It's quiet for a beat.  
"Yeah, Bucky told me about it. The doctors think the pain in his chest made him think he was kidnapped again." Nat says. Tony clears his throat.   
"If you’re talking about the time I screamed for James, Nat is right." He calls, not bothering to stand or sit up. "I was convinced I was being hurt again in Afghanistan, everything hurt so bad, I was nothing but pain. And then someone called me Anthony, which is what James…uh what Barnes called me in our texts. So, I screamed for him." Tony explains as Peter and Natasha come around the couch to see him. He smiles at Peter.   
"Sorry if I scared you kid." He says. Peter shakes his head.   
"Don't worry, you didn’t do it on purpose. Was just kind of intense." He says softly.   
"Please tell me you are cooking dinner and not Tasha over here." Tony says, Peter laughs, and Nat swats at Tony, before helping him sit up. Peter sits next to him and shows him the science question he was asking Tasha about on his lap top.   
The three of them eat the fish tacos that Peter had prepared, and then they all relax in the living room and watch Star Wars. About half way through the movie, Tony's phone lights up again.   
//from James: Hey there. Hope you had a nice relaxing day, Steve and I have been following what turned out to be a dead lead all day. We are camping now outside this little town in the mountains somewhere in Europe. It's a miracle I even have service and the battery on these phones are phenomenal, good on you! Steve made his first smore and got marshmallow all over himself, but he's grinning like an idiot so I suppose I can't be too annoyed. Punk. Steve said the Clint told him Nat made you all eat salads for lunch. Sorry about that, did you get somethin' good for dinner at least? Peter cook? I hope you sleep well, take care of yourself doll. I also wanted to tell you that I will never share anything from our texts with anyone, I promise. I am endlessly sorry, Tony, for what I did. I know that catching the guy who hurt doesn’t begin to make it better but I’m going to start there and do whatever else I can to make this right.   
Tony smiles a bit at the story about Steve, but puts the phone on the table without answering. Nat and Peter don’t say anything about it. When the movie ends, both Peter and Nat hug him goodnight, Nat promises to make sure Peter gets home alright and then they both leave. Tony wanders to his bedroom, showers and slips on the Henley and sweatpants again, before crawling in to bed. He lies awake for a long time crying softly, breathing in the scent of the Henley and rereading old texts from Bucky. 

Tony wakes up to a text. He fell asleep with his phone in his hand, and its resting on the pillow Tony is now curled around.   
//from James: Moring handsome. I hope you slept well, I slept alright, the sleeping bag is a step up from the hospital floor, although the company might not be. Steve tossed and turned all night, I think the future has made him soft. This is the man who gave up his sleepin bag to Dum-Dum during the war when that idiot set his on fire to prove a point. He's puttering around camp muttering about his back like the old man he is. Any fun plans today? Sam found us another lead, so we are gonna be following that, and hopefully catch this guy. Take care of yourself darlin'. Also, I told Steve what happened and he punched me in the face, which I hope makes you smile a little at least.   
Tony does smile, and pulls the Henley close. Bucky's scent is still there, strong as ever. He grins, and reads the text a few more times. He still doesn’t respond though. Instead he gets up and puts on a clean pair of sweatpants (Iron Man this time) and the same hoodie from yesterday before he shuffles to the living room.   
"Sir, Mrs. Parker and Peter are on their way up with Agent Romanoff."   
"Thanks J. What time is it?"   
"11:30 sir."   
The elevator opens a second later, and May comes out, looking annoyed.   
"Tony, can you tell your computer creepy disembodied voice thing that calling me just May is fine?" She demands. Tony laughs.   
"That is his programming, he has to refer to adults by respectful titles. When I am feeling better I'll alter it to refer to you as May if you want." Tony says. Then frowns. "Also, not that I'm not thrilled to see you May, but what are you doing here?" He asks. May turns to look at Peter with a raised brow. Nat chuckles and moves into the kitchen to start making some food. Peter looks sheepish and stares at his sneakers.   
"I caught someone sneaking out of the apartment in their Spiderman suit, which we had agreed said someone would not do until his dad was better." May says very pointedly glaring at Peter.   
"You did what?" Tony cries, shifting forward on the couch to see Peter better. Peter flushes and doesn’t look up.   
"He is grounded, but I wanted to come talk to you and see if we can figure out something, some sort of agreement regarding his abilities." May says. Tony gestures for them to sit down. Peter sits on the other end of the couch and May takes the love seat that is angled toward the couch.   
"So, Peter." Tony says. "Let’s start at the beginning yeah? How long have you had these powers?"   
"I uh… I got bit by a radioactive spider." May looks shocked but Tony just nods, he lives with super soldiers and a green rage monster. Radioactive spiders aren’t super surprising in his world anymore. "That's where I get my powers." Peter says. Tony nods again.   
"Ok, so first, this spider still around?" Tony asks. Peter shakes his head. Tony nods. "Ok good." Tony says.   
Nat comes over and hands Tony a bowl of oatmeal with milk and strawberries.   
"Well, Fury is ready to let Spiderman become an avenger, even more so now that he knows Tony is your biological father. " Nat says, settling on the arm of the couch by Tony, to intimidate him into eating his breakfast no doubt. Peter and May both look up at that, Peter's eyes hopeful, May's face creasing with concern. Tony smiles at May.   
"However, this comes with conditions, and a contract." Tony says. May breathes out a little but Peter frowns. Nat chuckles.  
"It's not a scary thing or anything. It's more just guidelines that keep you safe." Tony nods along with Nat. Peter looks confused. Tony waves a hand at the TV and Jarvis pulls up the contract.   
"First, if you join the Avengers and sign the contract, you will be provided with suit upgrades and maintenance courtesy of yours truly." Tony says, and Peter lights up. Tony grins at him fondly. "You will also have access to the med bay here at the Tower, and you will be given a room here. You don’t have to use it, in fact please stay with May, its more just in case we get back from some mission at the ass crack of dawn and you need a place to crash." Peter nods and May looks impressed, eyeing the contract where JARVIS is highlighting the statements that confirm what Tony is saying.   
"May also gets a compensation package." Nat says. "All family members of Avengers get one, it's a yearly addition to an account in your name that can cover injuries caused by Peter being a part of the Avengers. It also ensures that you are taken care of if something should happen to Peter." Nat explains. May's eyebrows shoot up.   
"Seriously?" She breathes. Tony nods. "Wow."   
"But there are conditions for all of this." Tony says. "You are a kid, and deserve to be a kid. You will be given a phone upgrade that is hooked up to the Avenger’s alarm, if it is during school hours, your alarm won’t go off." Peter starts to protest, but both Tony and May glare at him and he stops. "Your education matters, we will never call you out of school." Peter nods, glancing at the contract. "Now, I understand you have been going off by yourself to be Spiderman without supervision, correct?" Peter again starts to protest but at a look from Tony he stops and nods. "Ok, well until you are 18, that stops. You see something going down you call us or the cops, but you stay out of it. Now if another Avenger is present that is different, but no solo fighting ok?" Tony says, and May is nodding enthusiastically. Tony smiles at her and turns to Peter. "If you are caught violating that, the suit will be taken and you will be suspended from the team." Peter looks shocked but nods. Nat grabs a paper copy of the contract off of the island and hands it to May after clearing Tony's bowl.   
"There is no rush to sign that, we want both of you to read it over and sign it when you are ready, and we will go from there. Sound good?" She says. May and Peter nod.   
"And if its ok with you Peter, we can set up your room here in the pent house. But only if you want, or there is room on Steve's floor. It's up to you." Tony says nervously. Peter grins and races over to Tony, hugging him tightly.   
"I'd love a room here with you!" He says excitedly. Tony grins and hugs the kid back, very happy.   
"Well, we will set that up for you regardless of what you and May decide about the Avengers." Tony says. Peter hugs him tighter, until Tony winces and then he pulls back. Peter grins at him, and Tony grins back, before gently shoving Peter off of him.   
"I'm still broken kid." He grumbles, but he's smiling. 

Peter and May sign the contract two days later, and Peter is officially an Avenger.  
Bucky and Steve's mission takes a total of two weeks, the guy keeps evading them. Bucky texts Tony every morning and every night, wishing him a good day or good sleep and sharing funny stories about Steve or details about the guy they are chasing. Always with an apology.   
By the time they are gone for a full week, Tony has forgiven Bucky. He is so tired of excusing other people’s behavior and knows he is justified in his anger. Nat and Clint stay up with him late talking about it and they validate his feelings. Nat takes the stance of forgetting Barnes but Clint takes a more understanding side, telling Tony to find what he can and can’t forgive.   
Tony also realizes quickly that James and Bucky really are the same person. Reading through the old messages between them reveals that, Bucky was not faking anything, or lying about anything other than knowing who Tony really was. And Tony really should have figured it out, it was pretty obvious. And it’s really easy, Tony finds, to merge the feelings he had for faceless James with those he has for Bucky. He is also man enough to admit that he was picturing Bucky's face when envisioning James. But Tony thinks that they should talk face to face, that there are things between them a text won’t solve. So, he doesn’t text back.   
//from James: Mornin' darlin. Did you sleep well? Do you have a good view of the city from your apartment? Has it snowed in NYC more? Back before the serum Stevie hated the snow, his asthma acted up and he was always freezing his ass off. I loved it though, I would love watching it snow while I walked to go see Stevie while his mom worked. When I was the Soldier, I used to watch it snow while on missions. I loved it, made me feel safe and made me feel something close to happy, even when I didn’t remember who I was, the snow always triggered that peaceful feeling in me again. Steve ate so many smores last night that he almost got sick, turns out close to thirty smores is pushing the limits of the super soldier serum. Have a good day. Take care of yourself. I am endlessly sorry for not telling you and I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I want you to know that I care about you, the feelings I expressed were always real.  
//from James: Hey there doll. Have a good day? I hear Peter is officially an Avenger, you must be proud. How are the lungs doin? You takin care of yourself? We are getting closer to catchin that guy. But I miss you, I hope that's ok to say. I miss your laugh and the way your eyes twinkle when you’re inventing. I miss talking to you, although I understand, completely, why you haven’t answered. And I'm not mad at you, I hope you know that I will always give you anything you need. So, if you need space from me that's fine. I understand, and I should have told you the truth when I found out, I think I will apologize for that for the rest of my life. I don’t like being so far from ya, even with all that bein said. I'm doing my best to come home soon, but I won’t leave until I catch the guy who hurt you. Sweet dreams Anthony, sleep well.   
//from James: We got him Anthony! Finally caught the bastard. Turns out, he was trying to restart Hydra. It’s always fuckin’ Hydra. We found their base and wiped them out, then handed him over to SHIELD, who swooped in and are interrogating him. But me and Stevie are headed home, to you darlin. Well, Steve is headed home to Thor. But I'm coming home to you, my feelings have not changed. I still love you and I can't wait to see your face, even if it’s while you tell me to leave the tower, which you should after what I’ve done. Just to see you and know that you're alright. I have been thinking of you every second I have been away from you, hoping you are alright, that you aren’t in pain, that you are sleepin well and eating enough. That no one is bothering you. I am sitting in the airport with Steve (who, surprise surprise is eating again), wishing I was already home with you. We aren’t gonna be there until late, like 2 am. I almost punched a security guard for delaying me getting to you because they thought my arm was a weapon. They didn’t take too kindly to me telling them it would be if they didn’t let me through. But we are sitting at the gate waiting to fly to you. Sleep well Anthony, see you tomorrow?   
Tony spends two hours staring at that message and debating, before he falls asleep.   
"JARVIS." Tony calls.   
"Yes, sir?" the AI answered.   
"When Bucky gets home, would you tell him to come up here and replace his Henley?" Tony says nervously. There is a pause.   
"Of course, sir. Does this mean that you have forgiven him for keeping his identity from you and that you reciprocate his feelings?" JARVIS asks. Tony laughs.   
"Why are you so invested, J?" Tony asks  
"Because, I believe the technical term is ship, you two. You both seem to be good for each other, even if I am angry with him for what he did." Tony laughs.   
"You and your modern-day lingo, you been talking to Peter too much. Well, yes JARVIS, it means that I love him. Just tell him alright?" Tony says, before snuggling into the bed.   
"Of course, sir, sleep well." JARVIS says, turning off the lights.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here we are. The final chapter!! Thank you all so much for reading this and for being such excellent supporters! It truly means a lot and I'm kinda sad it's over. But I am really happy with how this turned out and I am excited to share some other things I have been writing with you all!   
> This chapter has smut, but it's pretty tame. I have tagged it as best I can, but if I missed any tags please let me know! If you want to skip it, you can skip from after they talk in bed to the next big page break, and you won't miss much.   
> Thanks again for reading!

Bucky and Steve get back to the Tower at three am. They both stumble into the elevator, and Steve leans against the mirrored wall, yawning.   
"I can't wait to sleep in my own bed." He murmurs. Bucky smirks.  
"I can tell, that's why you hit the button for Thor's floor, right?" Bucky says. Steve flushes but just shrugs.   
"I miss him, and I wouldn't tease me, Mr. I’m-gonna-text-the-man-I-love-every-day-even-though-he-never-responds." Steve snarks. Bucky just rolls his eyes, if they both weren’t so tired he probably would have snarked back but instead he asks:  
"When does the God of Thunder get back?"   
"Tomorrow, he's been visiting his parents and brother for a bit. Loki tried to cause some trouble again." Steve says. Then the elevator stops and the doors open onto Thor's dark apartment. Steve is already peeling his uniform off.   
"Night Buck." He says around a yawn before the door shuts again. Bucky sighs and scrubs his hand over his face before reaching to hit the button for his and Steve's floor.   
"Sergeant Barnes, I have been asked to give you a message." JARVIS says, causing Bucky to jump. He rubs his face again and looks at the ceiling.   
"Go for it J." He whispers.   
"Before he went to sleep Sir asked me to tell you that he would like you to go up to his penthouse and replace your Henley." Jarvis says. Bucky gapes at the ceiling.   
"What?" Instead of answering, a screen flickers to life to Bucky's left and replays footage from Tony's bedroom. It shows the conversation, and when Tony admits that he loves Bucky, Bucky is afraid that his heart might burst. Bucky only hesitates a second before he pushes the button for Tony's pent house.   
The elevator slides open with a slow hiss, revealing a dark living room. Bucky steps out, and survey's the room. He can tell that the furniture is comfortable but still expensive, and he smiles fondly. He'd expect nothing less from Tony.  
He stretches slowly, feeling his back pop. He reaches down and undoes the laces of his shoes, before toeing them off. He much prefers to be barefoot, and he hates those shoes. He sighs and pads slowly down the hallway to the bedroom. The door is ajar, so Bucky gently pushes it open.   
The room is bathed in the soft glow of the city at night. Tony's huge king size bed is tucked against the wall opposite the door, parallel to the floor to ceiling windows that display a breathtaking view of the city. Bucky spares it only a glance, his attention focused on the figure curled in the middle of the bed. Tony looks small in the huge bed, with a fluffy grey comforter pulled around his shoulders and a mass of pillows surrounding him. Bucky steps closer until he's standing at the foot of the bed. Tony has pulled a pillow parallel to his body and is sleeping on it similar to the way you would sleep on someone’s chest. His left hand is pulled up to his face, holding the collar of Bucky's shirt to his nose. He's breathing slow and even.   
Bucky can't keep the grin off his face at the sight, as well as the stab of guilt that rolls through him. When he had Steve leave the Henley for Tony, (he'd made Steve do it because he didn’t want Tony to feel violated by Bucky sneaking into his apartment.), he had hoped that Tony would sleep in it, would take comfort in it the way he had with the leather jacket. But he also remembers the horrible thing he did, and shame washes through him, he shouldn’t have come back.   
"Sir, I have saved a photo and downloaded it to your phone." JARVIS whispers, startling Bucky out of his self-deprecating spiral. He chuckles, making a mental note to set it as his wallpaper when he gets the chance. Bucky peels off his hoodie, a plain red one that says Brooklyn across the chest, and reaches over to touch Tony's foot. Tony doesn’t move, so Bucky squeezes his foot through the blankets and shakes gently. Tony snuffles slightly, but doesn’t wake.   
"Tony, baby. Come on, doll." Bucky whispers, repeating his actions. Tony frowns, and turns his face into the pillow. Bucky grins. "Mornin' darlin'. I got a hoodie for you." Bucky whispers, shaking Tony's foot again. Tony groans again, and then one whiskey dark eye cracks open and glares at Bucky. Bucky laughs softly and holds out the hoodie. Tony's eye closes, and he grumbles something into the pillow. "Come on honey. Just sit up, I'll trade out the Henley for the hoodie and then I'll let you sleep darlin. Come on doll." Tony mutters something again, speech slurred with sleep and muffled by the pillow so Bucky can't make it out. He sighs fondly, and stands up to cross to the side of the bed. He plants a knee on the mattress, his hands braced just behind Tony, and leans over the smaller man. He can't resist leaning down and gently nuzzling Tony's temple, even though he knows he has no right to touch him like this. Tony sighs softly. He brushes the faintest of kisses there and then leans away.   
"What was that doll?" He whispers. Tony huffs and rubs at his face with his left hand, which is still mostly hidden by the sleeve of Bucky's shirt. He rolls over and gazes sleepily up at Bucky.   
"Super soldier hearing my ass." He grumbles. Bucky smiles and gently brushes some hair off of Tony's forehead. Tony's eyes drop closed and he leans into Bucky's hand. His skin is sleep warm, and Bucky really has to work to resist the urge to kiss him.   
"Can you sit up doll? I'll do most of the work, you just gotta sit up." Bucky says, meaning that he will help Tony change into his hoodie.   
"There's a joke there." Tony says, smile sleepily spreading across his face. It takes Bucky a moment for his words to catch up to him and then he laughs.   
"My bad. You said you wanted me to replace the Henley, that’s all I'm tryin’ to do. I swear." Bucky murmurs, thumb gently brushing back and forth across Tony's temple.   
"God, Hydra couldn't have given you any brains?" Tony grumbles, cracking his eyes open to glare up at Bucky. Bucky just frowns, confused.   
"What do you mean darlin?" He asks. Tony huffs again.   
"I mean, that when I said replace your Henley, I didn’t want you to just give me another article of clothing. Although I reserve the right to steal said hoodie at a later date. Anyway, what I meant was, and what I've been saying for the past ten minutes is that I don't want your stupid hoodie, I want you." Tony says, glaring at Bucky. He blinks slowly not quite understanding what Tony is saying. Tony groans. "I mean, Frosty, that you should take off your jeans, and, oh stop, not for naked fun times, but because I don’t want to cuddle someone wearing jeans." Tony adds when Bucky's eyebrows shoot up. "Take off your jeans, and get under the covers and hold me. I don't want your stupid hoodie, I want to be wrapped in your arms, cause I fuckin' missed your ass." Tony says, scowling up at Bucky, who blinks down at him in surprise. Tony sighs after a moment, and rolls away. "Never mind, forget I said anything. Chalk it up to being the ass crack of dawn or something." Tony curls up again, pulling his hand up to cover his eyes. That jolts Bucky out of his haze. He stands up and unbuckles his belt and slips the jeans down around his ankles. He takes a moment to praise the powers at be that he is wearing boxers. He also pulls off the socks he wore on the plane, and then slowly climbs into bed. Tony seems to be dozing again, his breathing slowing and evening out. Bucky gently pulls the covers back and slides into bed behind Tony. He cuddles close, gently worming his right arm under Tony's head and the pillow Tony is curled around. He then presses his metal arm gently against the other man's chest and presses his chest to Tony's back. He buries his nose in Tony's hair and breathes deeply.   
"I missed you too doll." Bucky murmurs, pressing a kiss behind Tony's ear. Tony sighs, and threads his fingers through Bucky's metal ones.   
"Really? Even though I never answered your texts?" Tony whispers, so soft Bucky almost doesn’t hear it. Bucky cuddles closer, squeezing Tony's fingers gently.   
"Yes darlin'. Even though you never answered. I thought about you the whole time I was gone. Worryin’ if you were getting int' trouble or hurtin’ yourself more cause ya never sit still. Wonderin’ if you were sleepin’ alright and who was talkin’ you through the nightmares if there were any. And I understand why you never answered doll, I probably don’t even deserve to be here holdin’ you. I’m so sorry baby." Bucky murmurs, kissing Tony's temple, and behind his ear again.   
"Nat wouldn't let me get int' trouble, and I been sleepin a lot, so no trouble." Tony murmurs. "And any nightmares were chased away by the shirt a very handsome super soldier gave me, we can talk about everything else ‘n th’ morning." Tony says around a yawn. Bucky chuckles.  
"You tellin' me you like Stevie now, when I'm finally holding you and you’re wearing my shirt?" Bucky says, mock outrage in his voice. Tony stiffens.  
"No, no! I like you, I was talking about you." Tony cries softly, turning around to look at Bucky, eyes wide. Bucky smiles and kisses his forehead.   
"I know doll. I was just teasing. Shhh." Bucky soothes. Tony relaxes and turns back around. Bucky smiles and nuzzles Tony's neck. Tony tugs Bucky’s hand until its resting over the arc reactor, Bucky can feel the outline through his shirt. Tony then moves his hand and pulls it into the sleeve of the Henley before he shifts back into Bucky's embrace. He sighs, happily. Bucky grins, before kissing Tony's temple again.   
"I like that you call me doll." Tony says after a moment. "and the way you say darling…." Tony says sleepily. Bucky grins.   
"I'm glad to hear it darlin'." Bucky murmurs, and Tony makes a happy little noise in the back of his throat and cuddles close. Bucky smiles and kisses his neck, before he yawns hugely. "How about we get some sleep doll." He whispers. Tony nods already drifting off again. Bucky smiles, gives Tony a little squeeze and settles down. Soon Tony's breathing is back to being soft and slow and the steady rise and fall of his chest under Bucky's hand soothes him to sleep. 

Tony wakes up warm and comfortable. The scent of Bucky is stronger, and Tony snuggles closer to the scent, breathing out a content little sigh, all without opening his eyes. Then he feels a hand brush through his hair. He stiffens, because there's someone in his bed, and he smells like Bucky, which means only one thing.   
"Hey doll. Why are you tense, you ok? You in pain?" Bucky asks, voice rising a little in fear. Tony opens his eyes, and tilts his head back to look into worried blue eyes. They are lying chest to chest, Tony's hands are fisted in Bucky’s t-shirt, and Bucky's left arm is wrapped around Tony's back, and his right hand is combing through Tony's hair. Bucky's hair is pulled into a messy bun, and he is the most beautiful thing Tony has ever seen. "You ok darlin? Burns botherin you, is it your lungs? Is… is it the fact that I’m here?" Bucky asks worriedly, gorgeous blue eyes searching Tony's face.   
"No, no, I'm fine. More than fine, I woke up in your arms." Tony whispers. Bucky's face relaxes and he smiles. He presses a kiss to Tony's forehead and continues to rub soothing circles into Tony's scalp.   
Tony lets his eyes flutter closed, and relaxes into the touch.   
“We still need to talk.” Bucky whispers. Tony doesn’t open his eyes but nods. He takes a deep breath and then pulls back and looks at Bucky.   
“Can I go first?” Tony whispers. Bucky nods. Tony takes another deep breath. “I was really hurt when I found out that you knew who I was for so long. You know I don’t trust easily and that I was telling you things that no one else knew. I don’t regret telling you any of those things, I just feel like you were using me for some reason I can’t figure out. And I’m confused as to why you didn’t tell me.” Tony says, all in a whisper. Bucky sighs and looks away, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling.   
“I’m afraid I don’t have good reasons for what I did.” He says, not looking at Tony. “I was debating telling you, and that’s why after I found out I stopped talking to you, because I knew I couldn’t tell you so it would be better if I just ignored you, but then I couldn’t stay away. I had every intention of telling you, which I know means nothing but I swear I wanted to. But then I would think about how much you would hate me when you found out and then I realized how much I cared for you. Ill admit, I was selfish and didn’t want to lose you. I should have told you sooner, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t. But you made me feel more human and less like a science experiment, which I hadn’t felt for 70 years. You made me feel like a person again, and I didn’t want to lose that. And I know that was horrible of me and selfish. I’m so sorry Tony, I should have done better. I should have told you soon after I found out, I know I should have. I’m so sorry baby.” Bucky pauses and scrubs a hand down his face. He still won’t look at Tony. “I never meant to violate your trust, and I never meant to hurt you. I hear how empty that all sounds but I mean it. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you. Or I’ll leave if that’s what you need.” Bucky says softly. It’s quiet for several minutes.   
“Don’t go.” Tony whispers. Bucky finally turns and looks at him, his blue eyes filled with guilt. “I’m not saying I totally understand why you didn’t tell me. But I think that if the situations were reversed I would have done something similar. I fell for you too, and you felt, you feel, like home more than anyone else ever has. I was so hurt, so angry and betrayed at you for what you did, but… I want you to stay, and I am done being angry.” Tony whispers, reaching out to brush his knuckles over Bucky’s cheek.   
"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Bucky breathes after a few moments of quiet, voice filled with hope. Tony reaches up and brushes some dark strands of hair away from his face.   
"Yes, it does, James." Tony breathes, just as quiet as Bucky.   
"Oh Anthony." Bucky breathes in relief, then rests his forehead again Tony's, pulling him back in close. “I’m so sorry for not telling you, and for betraying your trust. I promise I’ll do better.” He breathes, and Tony smiles. They both close their eyes for a moment, just breathing each other in.   
"You gonna kiss me now or what?" Tony asks, pulling back slightly. Bucky doesn’t say anything, just leans closer and brushes his lips against Tony's slowly. Then he pulls away slightly, sapphire eyes searching Tony's face. Tony huffs impatiently and kisses Bucky, for real, crashing their mouths together. He threads his hand into the hair at Bucky's nape and pulls him closer. Bucky takes only a moment before he responds, squeezing Tony closer and kissing back just as forcefully.  
Tony rolls onto his back, pulling Bucky with him and almost on top of him. Bucky's tongue traces the seam of his lips, and Tony yields quickly, allowing Bucky to explore his mouth. Bucky tastes wonderful, which doesn’t seem fair since they were just sleeping. He's a wonderful warm weight on Tony's chest and Tony feels his cock stirring in anticipation. He wants more and tries to pull Bucky fully on top of him, Bucky almost allows it. But suddenly he pulls away, and sits up, panting. Tony frowns and sits up too.   
"Did… did I do something wrong?" Tony asks, hesitantly.   
"No doll. I just…." Bucky sighs and turns to Tony. His pupils are blown wide and his lips are wonderfully red and slick. "You’re still recovering, we shouldn't. I just got back and we have been fighting…" Bucky trails off, rubbing his face. Tony frowns.   
"Oh, ok. Sorry, I should have known. Sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have presumed that you wanted it." Tony says, reaching up to tap the arc reactor anxiously and looking away. Bucky gently reaches out and tips Tony's head back to look at him with a metal finger.   
"Anthony, did I kiss you like I didn’t want it?" He breathes.   
"No, but…"   
"And does this look like I didn't want it?" He says, gesturing to the outline of his half hard cock through his boxers. Tony's eyes widen.   
"No…." He whispers, looking at Bucky, who smiles.   
"I want it doll, God do I want you, but you are only two weeks out from the hospital. We really shouldn't do any more than cuddle." Bucky says, metal thumb stroking Tony's cheek.   
Tony bites his lip and debates. He takes a deep breath, which doesn’t hurt. He absently rubs his chest; the burns were minor and don’t hurt to the touch. Then he looks at Bucky, looking like damn sex on a stick, in nothing but an old t-shirt and boxers, hair yanked into a messy bun that is falling out, loose and framing his face. Tony makes a decision.   
He leans forward and gently places his hand over the bulge in Bucky's boxers. Bucky sucks in a breath as Tony gently palms him.   
"I have never been very patient James." Tony purrs, "And when have I ever done what I should?" He can feel Bucky hardening under his hand, and his breath has hitched. Tony leans forward, pauses with his lips only centimeters from Bucky's. "I won’t tell if you won’t." He breathes. Bucky groans and then surges forward, kissing Tony with a passion Tony knows he will never get tired of. They fall back onto the pillows, Bucky exploring every part of Tony's mouth with his tongue. He pulls back and leaves hot open-mouthed kisses down Tony's neck.   
"I really shouldn't do this darlin." Bucky growls. Tony is panting, and turns his head to give Bucky better access.   
"Does that mean you’re going to stop?" Tony asks. Bucky had started sucking a bruise under Tony's ear but pulls off to whisper in his ear.   
"Not unless you ask me to doll." Tony shudders at that and tugs on Bucky's t-shirt.   
"This needs to come off, now." He demands. Bucky chuckles and sits back, straddling Tony's hips. He grasps the edge of his t-shirt and yanks it over his head.   
"Better?" He asks before diving back for Tony's neck. Tony runs his hands over the toned planes of Bucky's back.  
"Much much better." Tony practically purrs. Bucky laughs and sits back again. He brushes his silver thumb over the hickey on Tony's neck.   
"As much as I love the way you look right now, especially with this mark., you are wearin' sweatpants and my shirt, while I am sitting here in nothing but my boxers. That doesn’t seem fair, now does it?" Bucky purrs. Tony moves to sit up and Bucky moves back to give him room. Tony shucks his sweatpants, and tosses them over the side of the bed. He isn’t wearing any underwear, and he flushes a bit when he notices the hungry look in Bucky's eyes. He fingers the hem of Bucky's shirt and sighs, looking away.   
"What is it darlin? What's wrong?" Bucky whispers. Tony sighs.   
"It was a mess of scars before I took that hit, and now…." Tony trails off. Before Bucky can speak Tony continues. " I know I shouldn’t be, we both have scars but…. Look at you! You are like some Greek sex god, and I'm…. I'm not." Tony whispers.   
"Anthony look at me." Bucky whispers. Tony does, slowly raising his eyes to Bucky's. He reaches out and cradles Tony's face in his flesh hand. "You are one of the most handsome men I have ever seen, probably the most handsome. I don't care about your scars." He whispers, silver hand sliding into the open neck of the Henley. He trails it over the scars until he presses it over Tony's heart. "They just prove that you are a fighter, they are the physical reminders of all you have overcome, all you have lived, survived through. They are just proof that you, my darlin' Anthony, are a survivor." Bucky whispers. "They are just evidence, of all the times I could have lost the man I love but didn't, because he is a fighter." Bucky breathes. Tony realizes he's crying when Bucky's thumb brushes a tear from his cheek. Bucky smiles at him. "They are a part of you, and I will never turn away from them or from you. Just like I know you are not disgusted by my prosthetic and my scars, I am not disgusted by yours Anthony." Bucky says.   
Tony surges forward and pulls Bucky into a sloppy kiss. Bucky responds and Tony clutches at him. They break apart again, and Tony pulls the shirt off, tossing it aside. He pushes Bucky back against the headboard, climbs into his lap and kisses him again, intense and needy.   
Bucky responds in kind, trailing metal finger tips down Tony's spine and using his flesh hand to tug on Tony's hair. Tony's hands are cupping Bucky's face and he relishes the feeling of their chests pressed together. Tony grinds down into Bucky, his full, hard cock craving friction. Bucky gasps into Tony's mouth and Tony uses the opportunity to explore Bucky's mouth with his tongue. Bucky's hips match Tony's movements and soon they are both panting. They break this kiss and just move together for a moment.   
"This how you want to come baby?" Bucky asks. Tony shakes his head.   
"Want you. Naked. Inside me." Tony pants. Bucky laughs then.   
"On your back or in my lap?" He murmurs, stealing another kiss. Tony considers for a moment.   
"On my back, we can do in your lap later." He answers. Bucky nods and flips them over. He peels out of his boxers while Tony grabs the lube from inside his nightstand. Bucky crawls back onto Tony and they kiss again, heated and intense, Tongues tangling together. Bucky is thrusting gently against Tony's hip and the friction is delightful. Bucky breaks the kiss to leave open mouthed kisses down Tony's neck again. He pauses to suck a bruise under his collarbone.   
"Sir I hate to interrupt, but Agent Romanoff is wanting to come up." JARVIS says. Bucky growls and nips at Tony's shoulder, possessively sucking on the skin there.   
"Nat is gonna have to wait." Tony pants. "I am a bit busy right now, tell her I'm in good hands." Tony doesn’t know if JARVIS replies, because Bucky moves on to kissing Tony's chest, mouthing along every scar, and pressing gentle kisses to the arc reactor, the soft blue glow making Bucky look mesmerizing. Then Bucky kisses lower, down Tony's stomach, which flutters under that mouth and the trailing strands of hair that have tugged out of Bucky's bun. Then Bucky mouths along Tony's cock, blue eyes looking up with a downright sinful glint. Bucky pauses to lap at the head and Tony keens, hips springing up from the bed. Bucky tsks and pins Tony's hips down with his hands.   
"Patience Anthony, you in a rush?"   
"n-n-nooo" Tony cries as Bucky suddenly takes him in his mouth, all the way down until Tony brushes the back of his throat. Tony gasps, and fists his hands in the sheets. Bucky bobs his head for a few moments before popping off of Tony with a wet sound. He then moves lower, pausing to lick and suck at Tony's balls before finding his way to Tony's entrance. He licks a wet stripe across the furled hole and then attaches his mouth to it. Tony gasps and writhes on the bed. Bucky's mouth is downright sinful, his tongue and lips doing amazing things to Tony, taking him apart, bit by bit.   
"James" Tony pants, thrashing slightly. Bucky pulls back enough to smirk, and then pushes a metal finger into Tony.   
"Yes Anthony?" He asks, but whatever Tony had been about to say is lost in the delicious feeling of Bucky's finger, slowly working in and out. Bucky kisses Tony's thigh, and slowly works him open. He adds another finger scissoring them and moving them in and out until Tony is even more of a mess under Bucky.   
"Need. You. James" Tony pants. Bucky chuckles slowly.   
"Patience baby. I'm pretty big." Bucky says, crooking his fingers and finding that spot inside Tony that makes him practically scream. Bucky grins and slowly adds a third finger, making sure that he continues to brush that special spot again and again.   
"James, please, need you. Need you baby, please!" Tony all but screams. Bucky smiles, kissing back up Tony's body before capturing his lips in an almost tender kiss.  
"Easy Anthony. I got you honey." Bucky murmurs, lining himself up. "You ready?" He breathes. Tony grabs Bucky's shoulders tightly and nods vigorously.   
"Please." He begs. Bucky slowly pushes forward, stretching Tony wide. Tony gasps, and arches into Bucky. Bucky continues to move forward slowly until he is all the way inside of Tony, all the while peppering Tony's neck and face with kisses.   
"You feel so good doll. So tight, Anthony. Takin' me so good, you’re so good baby." Bucky babbles, as Tony adjusts to the stretch. It had been awhile and he enjoys the slight burn. Bucky continues to suck on Tony's neck, adding another bruise.   
"Markin' me as yours James?" Tony murmurs, coming back to himself a bit.   
"Yes." Bucky growls. "Mine, all mine Anthony."   
"Yours." Tony agrees. "Now move, show me you mean it." Tony teases. Bucky growls again and slowly pulls out a little before thrusting gently back in. He moves slow for a while, gently thrusting in and out of Tony. Tony sighs, enjoying it. But then Bucky brushes against his prostate and Tony keens.   
"More, faster." He demands. Bucky grins, and begins to pound into Tony. "Yes! Just like that! Oh! So good James! So so good James!" Tony screams, as Bucky finds his prostate again and pounds into it. Tony clutches Bucky's back, scraping his fingers down the straining muscles there. Bucky drops more of his weight on Tony so he can move easier. Tony latches on to the place where metal meets flesh on Bucky's shoulder and sucks a mark of his own there, laving and sucking at the scars there. Bucky continues to pound into Tony.   
"I'm close baby, I’m so close James." Tony cries, throwing his head back.   
"So good for me doll. You’re so good for me darlin. So beautiful, so perfect. Come for me Anthony, come on baby. Come for me." Bucky murmurs, in time to his thrusts, and Tony goes careening off the edge, painting both of their chests with come. The world drops away, and all Tony can do is ride his pleasure to the end.   
When he comes back to himself he is aware of Bucky's hips stuttering through his own climax. Tony kisses the side of Bucky's face and clenches around him, helping him through his orgasm. When Bucky comes back down, he kisses Tony lazily and rolls off of him. They lie there, grinning at each other for a while, like idiots. Bucky eventually reaches over and grabs his discarded t-shirt and wipes both of them off, before pulling the sheet over them and pulling Tony closer.   
"That was so good doll. Thank you." Bucky murmurs. Tony grins sleepily.   
"mmmm you are incredible." Tony whispers, before falling asleep. 

"Wilson pay up!" Clint cries excitedly when Tony and Bucky wander into the common room kitchen two days later. They had spent those days lying in bed and getting to know each other's bodies and talking. It was also the only way Bucky could keep Tony in bed and resting.   
"Pay up?!" Sam screeches from where he is sitting on the counter. The team, sans Tony and Bucky, had just come home from a mission. Tony decided that they should have a movie night, so the team plus Wade and May are assembling snacks and claiming space on the couches and floor. "He's just wearing Bucky's sweatshirt and holding his hand, that means nothing!" Sam cries, pointing with a spoon. Tony raises an eyebrow while Bucky wanders to the fridge and pulls open the freezer.   
"What’s the bet?" Tony asks. Nat rolls her eyes from where she is glaring at the popcorn on the stove, as though daring it to burn.   
"Clint bet Sam that you two have had sex at least four times, and Sam thinks that it only happened once and the rest was sleeping because Bucky wore you out." She says. Clint, who is sitting on top of the fridge and pelting Sam with Cheese Its, nods.   
"What does my sweatshirt have to do with it?" Bucky asks, holding up a carton of ice cream for Tony's approval. Tony nods and Bucky grabs two spoons before heading to the living room with a call of,  
"Nope, up. Your dad is still injured, we call cuddlin’ in the arm chair." Tony laughs.   
"Clint added that he thought you would come into the room wearing Bucky's pants and shirt and Sam said you would be wearing the same red Henley." Nat said. Bucky wanders back into the kitchen then, and leans down to kiss Tony's cheek.   
"You wanna tell 'em babe?" Tony asks. Bucky grins.  
"He's wearing my Henley under the sweatshirt and those are my sweatpants. We also had sex five times, and I did wear Tony out." Bucky says proudly. Sam scowls and digs in his pocket before slapping twenty bucks into Clint’s outstretched hand. Nat rolls her eyes when Clint cheers and shoos everyone into the living room. Bucky settles into the arm chair and pulls Tony into his lap, cracking open the ice cream and handing Tony a spoon. Steve and Thor are cuddled in the love seat, Clint and Nat are cuddled on one end of the couch while Sam and May take the rest of said couch. Wade and Peter are sitting on the floor. Wade is leaning against the armchair Bucky and Tony are in, and Peter is lying with his head in Wade’s lap. As the movie starts, the newest Star Wars, Wade hands something to Tony.   
"What’s this?" He asks.   
"It's coconut oil, shay butter, and some essential oils, for you burns." Wade says softly.   
"He makes it himself Dad!" Peter says. "He used it on his burns, said it helped with the pain and swelling sometimes." Peter says. Wade nods.   
"After my accident, it helped a lot." Wade says softly. Tony grins.   
"Thanks Wade. Can I ask what happened? You totally don't have to answer." Tony says. Wade shrugs.   
"My piece of shit dad threw gas at me and dropped a match. I'm good though, I got adopted by these really great people and now I've got Peter here so life is pretty good. With the added bonus of getting to hang with you all and brag about it later." The room laughs and that's that. Tony curls against Bucky and watches the movie, letting Bucky feed him ice cream.   
"So, you two are together huh?" Steve calls about half way through the movie, which is paused, because Clint leapt up screaming he had to pee and that they better pause it and wait for him.   
"Yep, for as long as he'll put up with me." Bucky answers. Steve nods, leaning up to kiss Thor when the other man returns from the kitchen with more popcorn.   
"Well if you hurt him, I'll kill ya." He says. Tony and Bucky look at each other.   
"Which one of us was that meant for?" Tony asks.   
"Both." Steve says, tucking himself into Thor's side, glaring at his friends. Tony and Bucky laugh and cuddle closer. Bucky buries his nose in Tony's hair.   
"I love you Anthony." He breathes, pulling the smaller man closer. Tony blinks and then grins, curling into his side.   
"I love you too James."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I am on tumblr [here](https://hippiebuckydrarry.tumblr.com/) so come say hi!


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